'TWAS GRACE THAT TAUGHT MY HEART TO FEAR

[The following is a reprint of my post of May 27, 2017}

Morning blinding flash of the obvious: We must become un-selfed. We cannot un-self our self. We are un-selfed by grace.

Hmmm. I wonder if inadvertently un-selfing our self, i.e., those moments when we show our butt in public, count Up There in the great beyond...or if they are just ego-worms for our always a-quart-low humility.

If that is all they are, ego-worms, then that, too, is our gold for who's kidding whom?...if we think we can say about humility, "I have enough, thank you," then we're lying blind. Clueless in a word.

I was reminded recently of a time nearly 35 years ago when I was publicly picking up a small medal for eleven years of service with my fellowship. I was talking with a lady who was very new to the fellowship, and she noted as I held the medal that my hands were shaking. I was less than happy because to my mind shaking hands detracted from my looking good for eleven years of service.

As mentioned, I was reminded of that recently, and I was reminded of it by that very same lady who has been around now for 35 years. We realized together that my shaking hands...showing scared...at eleven years gave her permission to be as scared as she was at one year, and we were both warmed and awed by that.

My fear was precisely the gift she needed, that very fear that I would have traded in a heartbeat in order to look hip, slick and cool, i.e., phony. There. I was un-selfed by grace; my friend was reassured by grace, and that grace was made manifest by fear...hers and mine.

We have laughed about the incident over the years, but it took all of the 35 years for us to tie the bow on it. It's a wonderful thing that the bow will continue to be tied as we open our mind and memory to other ego-worms in order for the gold to show forth there.

Thank you.