...with God's will, we get more, better, beyond our ability to imagine...always for our benefit often when it least looks like it.
That is from an entry I posted some time ago but neglected to note when...just as well, it fits me perfectly today. No, I am hoping it fits me because I am depressed...the first time in memory that I have felt and admitted to feeling depressed...I've been down, angry, blue, pissed off, etc., but never depressed.
Today I know that I am feeling depressed...I do not want to do anything...I want to sit, drowse, move not a muscle, sadsadsad. That, my friends, is depressed.
My dear friend Patty comes to mind...Patty from 40-45 years ago...back when I was spiritually fit and full of it. She was feeling depressed and full of it. It has taken all those years for me to feel, literally experience, what I suspect she was feeling then, and my heart wings back to her. I do believe I gave her then what she needed...what I need now...a believable exhortation to get up, do something about something, move forward, do, do, do...and fret not how it feels, just do.
Even as I type that, my eyes are trying to close, my head nods...tired, tired, tired. After eight hours of sleep.
In the midst of admitting depression, I get an anxiety attack...I have started shaking all over, etc. My right arm, elbow to shoulder, aches...I feel fear, gutbucket fear. I fight it not...maybe because I can't think how. My stomach hurts...my hands are cold...Lord, hear my prayer, thank You.
I'll wrap this now...it has become just words. It is nine o'clock...past time for me to do my ablutions and...oh, wait! I have not done my morning exercises for a week...there's a clue.
Thank you.
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