I just had a blinding flash of the obvious: When the thought came that I would "do something when I feel better," I saw that I might not ever feel better. "Feel better" meaning when my head is 100% again...it may, no, it will not get to the 100% it was when I was 50, 60, 70 or specifically 20.
This is it.
AH, but that is not the bad news! It scared me on first thought but I realize with the 80s that my head is at a new and different place...I chose the spiritual side with great thanks and recognition to my ISM, to my crash and burn, to my powerlessness which sent me to the God of my understanding, and I have never left, looked back or regretted.
I am, by my 80s, being forced to see, understand and accept that this is a spiritual turnaround. My trying to do it myself, i.e., accept me now, is not accepting...my latest 4/30/25 3:00 AM ER run spelled that out. I need to clap hands and whisper hallelujah for that holy run.
It was/is hard, but it is God's way for me...I know because I do not know...no more do I know what to do, think, feel, be. I live, laugh and love...or close enough to it to quit trying so hard.
NOW. I focus on NOW...where God and I cohab.
Thank You, thank You, thank you.
Amen
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