I am feeling fear as I have not felt since early sanity returned. It may have the same root, i.e., self-centered fear but, whose kidding whom? All fear is self-centered according to me.
Peace gets breath when I recall that in 1971 it was anxiety attacks that brought me in, brought me to the God of my understanding, saved my life and my sanity.
Today it is fear of dementia...and evidence of it...that is pounding my heart, shortening by breath, doing my thinking for me. This, too, is self-centered fear, but that's just a label in the life of personal panic.
I write, I talk, I know, I believe that I go to God for God and that is all.
Living the evidence of dementia...no matter how small the evidence...grows horns we never dreamed of. Horns of a dilemma comes to mind, followed asap by the fact that there is no dilemma, there is only stark fear in my chest, my throat, my entire head.
Ah, I write, I talk, I know, I believe that I go to God for God and that is all. Lesson a-learning: When faced with gutbucket fear, "all" includes whatever of peace that comes to mind to slow the runaway thoughts.
Mine, this morning, is to repeat repeatedly England's WWII slogan: Keep calm and carry on.
Now, to let God just do it. With no coaching from the grandstand.
Thank you.
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