ON MATURE SPIRITUAL GROWTH, 1

[The following is a reprint of my post of May 30, 2016.]

The ego gets what it wants with words. The soul finds what it needs in silence. -- Fr. Richard Rohr

There it is: The essence of our reasoning mind's resistance to powerlessness. Our ego's path out is through our reasoning mind; our soul has no path...in its transparence, it flows freely, cannot be cornered or captured...it is. It simply is.

We often hear that mature spiritual growth is all about detaching. Letting go of our self-perceived needs...embracing our self-perceived lack. When we are no longer talking that but are, in fact and without thought, doing that...we will know mature spiritual growth. And heading in the right direction counts.

Thank you.

LET THE DEVIL TAKE THE HINDMOST

One of the great surprises on the human journey is that we come to full consciousness precisely by shadowboxing, facing our own contradictions, and making friends with our own mistakes and failings - Fr Richard's Daily Meditations, May 30, 2025

Since April 30th at 3:00 AM, my journey has felt rugged, rocky, scary, with the question is this self-will or God's will playing constantly in my thoughts. 

Not knowing, and knowing I do not know, and becoming open to that as my new way of life has been really scary...and yet, thank You, God, I have continued walking forward...toward that which has been my Light for some 50 years

By that Light, I am assured that I am on good ground...hunkered down with the God of my own understanding and Jesus, Mary and Joseph (emphasis on Joseph). 

I accept that I'm not fear-free and likely never will be, but this is the new Way I get to walk which I've suspected, and even talked about, since I turned 80.

I'm good to go...all the while my reasoning mind is nattering, wait, this may be X, Y and/or Z, none right, all scary. I let it natter. Shaking like a leaf in a high wind, I move forward...toward God, with God.

 

Let the devil take the hindmost...as my grandma used to say. 

Thank you.

UNKNOWINGLY LIVING GOD'S WILL, GOD'S WAY

Blinding flash of the obvious: I am living today my still more spiritual growth by the fear I am experiencing...neither attempting to avoid the fear, nor praying for it to just go away.

A therapist was recommended to me, and I had my appointment with him yesterday. In my mind, we were to discuss the possibility of the onset of dementia...or my fear of that. He did not get that message, and we discussed my past and how I got where I am today which he diagnosed as just fine and canceled the scheduled next three appointments. 

BUT...we only got to my fear of dementia in the last 30 minutes. I told him of my two examples of total mind blanks which happened months apart. He flat out named those as old-age forgetfulness but recommended a medicine for sharpening the brain in old age. I intend to get it and use it.

Since I consciously did not direct that session, I accept that I am being led by God's will, God's way. I am experiencing the difference between God's will being done through me and my self-determined objectives being done by me. I am not self-determining, maybe holding back in fear of that...with that, too, being God's will, God's way.

In living in this newer consciousness today, I realize I have been here far longer than I have allowed me to believe...again, God's will, God's way and for my benefit.

Thank you.

'TWAS GRACE THAT TAUGHT MY HEART TO FEAR

[The following is a reprint of my post of May 27, 2017}

Morning blinding flash of the obvious: We must become un-selfed. We cannot un-self our self. We are un-selfed by grace.

Hmmm. I wonder if inadvertently un-selfing our self, i.e., those moments when we show our butt in public, count Up There in the great beyond...or if they are just ego-worms for our always a-quart-low humility.

If that is all they are, ego-worms, then that, too, is our gold for who's kidding whom?...if we think we can say about humility, "I have enough, thank you," then we're lying blind. Clueless in a word.

I was reminded recently of a time nearly 35 years ago when I was publicly picking up a small medal for eleven years of service with my fellowship. I was talking with a lady who was very new to the fellowship, and she noted as I held the medal that my hands were shaking. I was less than happy because to my mind shaking hands detracted from my looking good for eleven years of service.

As mentioned, I was reminded of that recently, and I was reminded of it by that very same lady who has been around now for 35 years. We realized together that my shaking hands...showing scared...at eleven years gave her permission to be as scared as she was at one year, and we were both warmed and awed by that.

My fear was precisely the gift she needed, that very fear that I would have traded in a heartbeat in order to look hip, slick and cool, i.e., phony. There. I was un-selfed by grace; my friend was reassured by grace, and that grace was made manifest by fear...hers and mine.

We have laughed about the incident over the years, but it took all of the 35 years for us to tie the bow on it. It's a wonderful thing that the bow will continue to be tied as we open our mind and memory to other ego-worms in order for the gold to show forth there.

Thank you.

FEAR...ANOTHER OF GOD'S PRICELESS GIFTS

I am living through reasoning mind's scary time right now...a personally scary time. I believe I have already made the turn, heading up now be it ever so slowly...thank You.

It's all about living and breathing God's will, God's way which is to say moving behind reason to attain spiritual. And re-re-realizing...our thinking cannot get us there. 

And still we ponder. 

Blinding flash of the obvious: Spiritual growth is so slow, such tiny steps, that it is nigh impossible to realize it until long after we got it. 

All my efforts were useless yet priceless...without effort we stay stuck, with effort we get stuck deeper. 

Being stuck in hopeless, helpless and pea-green purple petrified brought the dawn of realization: Doing it wrong materially headed us in the right direction spiritually...to enable us to hear God calling.

Feel the fear and do it anyway. - Anonymous (and priceless)

Thank you.

GOD WILL FLOW FORTH, I

{The following is a reprint of my post of December 18, 2014.]

Trying too hard to "get it" is as detrimental to spiritual growth as dismissing it all as happy talk. Mainly because we can't "get" spiritual growth. Seeking to get is the ego-victory mind determining and dictating. 

As long as that is the case, we will be seeking our wants...dressed up pretty with a lot of spiritual-sounding words, but still, they will be wants.

Wants are of the ego, needs are of God.

We have within, at our core, the Spirit...God. If we are seeking still more spiritual growth, our need is to detach from our reasoning mind, go to our center, and open our heart, our mind, our Soul. God will flow forth...in Its own good time.

According to me.

Thank you.

GRATITUDE IS SPIRITUAL GROWTH

We have ceased fighting everything and everybody. -- Anonymous

Previous paradoxical lesson, which I am relearning today: Our worst fear is our greatest friend...when we fight it, we lose. 

It is in losing that God-power is opened to us...powerless and defeated, we are unknowingly already on the rise by grace and by God. 

In the rising, gratitude, thank You, is released and becomes our forever go-to.

Thank you.

GOD'S WILL, GOD'S WAY OR JUST DO IT

We must go beyond reason to love.... - Thaddeus Golas

My beyond reason blinding flash of the obvious: My fate may be to be as un as I fear. 

There are many uns, mine being unloved, unwanted, unneeded and unappreciated...and that may be my gold ring. To make peace with that possibility is the resisting goal in my reasoning mind. 

I suspect that is the invited goal of the God of my understanding, and I doubt that I can. The always solution, pray thank You and keep on trucking.

With my favorite, resist not evil, ever present and now whispering loudly, I re-realize my need to actively love the unlovable. There...my now-time is to love, and that is all. 

Again...Thy will, Thy way, please and thank You.

Thank you.

THE HIDDEN JOY OF FEAR...GOD'S PEARL

Blinding flash of the obvious: For all the recent feelings of terror I have experienced, with yet the possibility of a need to go through more, thank You. They have brought me...will ever bring me...closer to You...to the higher consciousness untapped within me.

Passing thought: Today I feel the inner joy of fear. Whaa?  Yes! Apparently, I am living the fact that Nothing Turns Me To God Faster Than Fear.

I have said, repeatedly, that very truth, that nothing turns me to God faster than fear, and I lived it...until now when I realize that "living it" has grown in a new direction.

They are useless words, "fear not," for fear lives on its own. But God, a power, or The Power, is greater than any feelings, facts or fantasies that fear uses, but does not own.

Since April 30th at 3:00 AM, I have experienced every scare tactic that I See Me has to throw...and God has never left me. I admit that it felt like it, but I inner knew that this, too, was God's will, God's way, and I don't even doubt that there is more to come. 

I will shake like an Aspen and cry like a wounded robin., but this I know: I will survive on the good side of God's will, God's way. The actual experience of God in our life counts.

There...that is close enough to perfect for me if not to my reasoning mind, which is firmly wedded to easy, effortless and rewarding...which is another gift of love and laugh.

Thank you.

BE PRESENT, FEEL FEAR, TRUST GOD

The gift is the garbage...it's the devil in the diamonds when we get what we want.  -- Blinding flash of the obvious from 2019 

Now...we come to here and now. These are the tortured with uncertainty times. Am I losing, or have I already lost, my mind? 

I feel tortured with uncertainty, but it is not dementia that is the culprit. No, it is my own uncertainty of whether God will be there...within me, without me. That has never been a conscious fear-thought, but I am beginning to see that is the core of my fear.

When, not if, I go back inside, and God is there, I feel peaced without fanfare...when fear is so present as it is and has been, I must needs recall that I am living on the outside. That is when I feel fear God is near comes to my aid...thank You.

Clearly, with the fear of losing my mind riding herd, I'm finding it beyond difficult to let go and let God. But, in truth, hasn't that always been the case? It's just that here-and-now is here and now.

Proven truths: Stay present, feel the fear and do it anyway, trust God, do the next thing, it is better to do something about something and be wrong than to let fear determine that we do nothing. 

Now to actually do. 

Thank you.

FROM VICTIM TO VICTOR...THANK YOU

Think about what you have carried forward from your parents, grandparents, or caregivers. What practices, ideas, or lifeways rooted in the past are you keeping alive? -- Cherokee descendent Rev. Dr. Randy Woodley. 

When I read that, I took it as direct instructions so I've attempted to define my main "lifeways" rooted in the past that I kept alive.

Open familial love was not present in my life...in the lives of many '50s people actually, meaning we did not speak of love out loud.    

I remember the time I was feeling heartbroken, sobbing because, much earlier in the day, Mom had said that my sister and I did not love her. I had held the hurt in until that night when we were all in bed, most of us asleep. 

My sobs brought Mom to my bedside, and I finally admitted the cause of my hurt. On her knees, she said she must have been wrong, and she apologized to me...a first. never to be repeated but mentally relived frequently thereafter. 

That is my key...that is the instance that crying became my way to win, to get my own way. The message I received and, until August 24, 1971, lived: To be the victim is to win.

God loves me so much that He helped me join the Fellowship that has given me a happy, joyous and free life today...no longer a victim but a beloved child of God today.

  

Thank you.

WE MUST GO BEYOND REASON TO LOVE

Remembered gold from Thaddeus Golas: We must go beyond reason to love. 

It seems that every time another less-than-wonderful thing comes calling on me, and self-pity rears its ugly head, my beloved Joe Biden is hit with another worse-than-the-other...prostate cancer being the latest we've heard of. My heart-thoughts and prayers go winging to him and his family.

I have been feeling at sixes and sevens but that very feeling is what has kept me focused on God in my life. Especially the unwanteds, i.e.:

    the seeming, outer, appearance of dementia

    the ongoing upper right arm pain

    the events from April 30, 3:00 AM, to this day

    the intense anxiety

    the constant shaking within, yet the feeling of lethargy swamping me

    the realization that my life has already changed and is likely about to change more

    the need to move from here where I have lived since 1999, the longest I have lived anywhere

That last on the list seems to be the biggie...but there is always the unexpected more, if we're doing it right.

The Father within me is bigger than my fears, better than my hopes and for my benefit no matter how it is appearing to my reasoning mind's eyes. 

Thank you.

DOUBT NOT...GOD CAN AND WILL IF SOUGHT

The Daily Meditations have been a constant presence in my life as I walk through the crumbling of my 30-year marriage. I’ve felt consoled in my anger and sadness at the loss of my past, present, and future life. I am beginning to embrace that I am more than my marriage, and I have so much to give others and myself. The anger and sadness still lurk in the shadows of my life, but acceptance and grace continue to sustain me. —Tom C., Fr Richard's Daily Meditations, May 18, 2025

This feels like me today in my anxiety over the apparent oncoming of dementia. Particularly the crumbling of my comfort in believing that my intense anxiety had been tamed. Of course it never had been...like the sleeping tiger, it was just lying in wait. 

My lapses of memory have awakened it...my fear of dementia, to be specific, has awakened my intense anxiety. 

Ah, God has just reminded me that it was over 50 years ago when intense anxiety brought me to the Fellowship where I found the God of my understanding. Over the years I have made peace with anxiety, have feared it not for many years.

It has roared back with dementia (which seems to be an epidemic today) entering the public arena. Now there's a laughable comfort...if that be mine, I am not alone! 

I will get tested, get the certain word as opposed to my fear's word...and sincerely pray thank You for whatever the outcome. 

Lord, hear my prayer, thank You.

Thank you.

ON MATURE SPIRITUAL GROWTH, I

[The following is a reprint, slightly reworked, of my post of May 30, 2016.]

The ego gets what it wants with words. The soul finds what it needs in silence. -- Fr. Richard Rohr

There it is: The essence of our reasoning mind's resistance to powerlessness. 

Our ego's path out is through our reasoning mind; our soul has no path...in its transparence, it flows freely, cannot be cornered or captured...it is. It simply is.

We often hear that mature spiritual growth is all about detaching. Letting go of our self-perceived needs...embracing our self-perceived lack. 

When we are no longer talking that but are, in fact and without thought, doing that...we will know mature spiritual growth. And heading in the right direction counts.

Thank you.

ALWAYS FOR OUR BENEFIT...NOW TO BELIEVE

...with God's will, we get more, better, beyond our ability to imagine...always for our benefit often when it least looks like it. 

That is from an entry I posted some time ago but neglected to note when...just as well, it fits me perfectly today. No, I am hoping it fits me because I am depressed...the first time in memory that I have felt and admitted to feeling depressed...I've been down, angry, blue, pissed off, etc., but never depressed. 

Today I know that I am feeling depressed...I do not want to do anything...I want to sit, drowse, move not a muscle, sadsadsad. That, my friends, is depressed. 

My dear friend Patty comes to mind...Patty from 40-45 years ago...back when I was spiritually fit and full of it. She was feeling depressed and full of it. It has taken all those years for me to feel, literally experience, what I suspect she was feeling then, and my heart wings back to her. I do believe I gave her then what she needed...what I need now...a believable exhortation to get up, do something about something, move forward, do, do, do...and fret not how it feels, just do.

Even as I type that, my eyes are trying to close, my head nods...tired, tired, tired. After eight hours of sleep.

In the midst of admitting depression, I get an anxiety attack...I have started shaking all over, etc. My right arm, elbow to shoulder, aches...I feel fear, gutbucket fear. I fight it not...maybe because I can't think how. My stomach hurts...my hands are cold...Lord, hear my prayer, thank You.   

I'll wrap this now...it has become just words. It is nine o'clock...past time for me to do my ablutions and...oh, wait! I have not done my morning exercises for a week...there's a clue. 

Thank you.

WHERE TWO OR MORE ARE GATHERED....

Blinding flash of the obvious: Memory loss is spiritual gain.

I told a friend yesterday about my new mental loss/condition...I want to be unafraid of sharing the fact of my fear. I shared the same with another long-time friend who is already experiencing the loss of her memory. We agreed to stay close, where two or more are gathered....  

Lord, if memory loss...if dementia...is mine now, like sobriety, it too is of God...to be accepted through the grace of God, not by self-will which is kidding oneself.

My BFO, that memory loss is spiritual gain, is what I need live by now...is where I'll find my peace now.

Lord, hear my prayer, thank You. Amen.

Thank you.

********************************************

My morning blinding flash of the obvious: Memory loss is spiritual gain.

I told Natalie yesterday about my new mental loss/condition...shared also with Ellie who is already into memory loss...we agreed to stay close.

Lord, if memory loss...if dementia...is mine now, like sobriety, it too is to be accepted through the grace of God, not by self-will which is kidding one self.

My BFO: Memory loss is spiritual gain...is what I can live by now.

Lord, hear my prayer, thank You. Amen.

Thank you.

THE GREAT COMFORT, 1

[The following is a reprint of my post of May 21, 2017.]

If you curse him, he will bless you; if you harm her, she will serve you; and if you exploit him, he will become your benefactor. -- Eknath Easwaran, "Words to Live By," May 21

I don't want to be the "you" in that quote, I want to be the "him." the "her." The first time ever I read that, I knew it for my truth.

I first read that in 1996, and I'm closer today...oh, but, who's kidding whom, I have a far piece to go. We all do if we're doing it right, at least according to me.

I do count myself blessed that the majority of the time...that's 51% sometimes but that's the majority...my desire is for still more spiritual growth. That being so, the only direction to head is away from self, toward Self.

I personally love that we are told, repeatedly, when we choose to walk toward God, he will already be running to meet us. Isn't that a comfort?

Thank you.

I NEED YOU IN THE MOMENT OF MY NEED...NOW

Morning blinding flash of the obvious: My only wish is to be free of fear...the only way to be free of fear is to trust God...to trust God's will, God's way...thank You.

I am feeling very shaky this morning...scared...that is when the BFO occurred: First, my only wish is to be free of fear; second, the only way to be free of fear is through God...God's will, God's way.

If my incurable, progressive disease can be a good thing, and it is to me today, then so can dementia be.

I am reminded of Fr Damien who in faith lived amongst lepers to meet their spiritual needs...and got leprosy which he received pretty much as a gift from God for the benefit of the others. That's my imperfect memory of his story, and it may well be my example to follow. Dementia may be God's will for me for the benefit of others...and for me in its own way.

When, not if, I feel afraid, I do believe that God can and will if asked...no, not ""if asked"...when needed. I do believe that God can and will when needed, and I always need Him now.

If Thy will for me be dementia, I let it be without shame, openly, without pride, humbly. If dementia is mine, then that is known by God, ordained, blessed, sent to me with His blessing to take me through. I know not how, and I can only learn in the moments of my need...i.e., Now.

Lord, hear my prayer...thank You...Amen.

Thank you.

GO TO GOD FOR GOD...AND ACCEPT

I am feeling fear as I have not felt since early sanity returned. It may have the same root, i.e., self-centered fear  but, whose kidding whom? All fear is self-centered according to me.

Peace gets breath when I recall that in 1971 it was anxiety attacks that brought me in, brought me to the God of my understanding, saved my life and my sanity. 

Today it is fear of dementia...and evidence of it...that is pounding my heart, shortening by breath, doing my thinking for me. This, too, is self-centered fear, but that's just a label in the life of personal panic.

I write, I talk, I know, I believe that I go to God for God and that is all. 

Living the evidence of dementia...no matter how small the evidence...grows horns we never dreamed of. Horns of a dilemma comes to mind, followed asap by the fact that there is no dilemma, there is only stark fear in my chest, my throat, my entire head.

Ah, I write, I talk, I know, I believe that I go to God for God and that is all. Lesson a-learning: When faced with gutbucket fear, "all" includes whatever of peace that comes to mind to slow the runaway thoughts. 

Mine, this morning, is to repeat repeatedly England's WWII slogan: Keep calm and carry on. 

Now, to let God just do it. With no coaching from the grandstand.

Thank you.

THIS DISCOMFORTING LOVE OF GOD, 1

[The following is a reprint of my blog of December 25, 2020.]

Blinding flash of the obvious: When God comes to me, He comes in toto...there is no small part for one in need and the rest held back for others. In my need, I get All of God, and All of God is available to the others at the same time. That's God.

And then I read: What I have seen is the totality recapitulated as one, received not in essence but by participation. Just as if you lit a flame from a flame, it is the whole flame you receive. —Symeon the New Theologian (from Fr Richard Rohr's "Daily Meditation," December 25, 2020)

The hard lesson a-learning...and the blessing in disguise...is that which comforts me in my hour of need, at the same time comforts that who or which discomforts me.

God loves me so much...and my discomforter equally.

Thank you

NOW! I FOCUS ON NOW...WHERE GOD & I COHAB

I just had a blinding flash of the obvious: When the thought came that I would "do something when I feel better," I saw that I might not ever feel better. "Feel better" meaning when my head is 100% again...it may, no, it will not get to the 100% it was when I was 50, 60, 70 or specifically 20.

This is it. 

AH, but that is not the bad news! It scared me on first thought but I realize with the 80s that my head is at a new and different place...I chose the spiritual side with great thanks and recognition to my ISM, to my crash and burn, to my powerlessness which sent me to the God of my understanding, and I have never left, looked back or regretted.

I am, by my 80s, being forced to see, understand and accept that this is a spiritual turnaround. My trying to do it myself, i.e., accept me now, is not accepting...my latest 4/30/25 3:00 AM ER run spelled that out. I need to clap hands and whisper hallelujah for that holy run.

It was/is hard, but it is God's way for me...I know because I do not know...no more do I know what to do, think, feel, be. I live, laugh and love...or close enough to it to quit trying so hard.

NOW. I focus on NOW...where God and I cohab. 

Thank You, thank You, thank you. 

Amen

ST JOHN OF THE CROSS, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of May 9, 2020]

A deeper enlightenment and wider experience than mine is necessary to explain the dark night through which a soul journeys toward that divine light of perfect union with God that is achieved, insofar as possible in this life, through love. The darknesses and trials, spiritual and temporal, that fortunate souls ordinarily undergo on their way to the high state of perfection are so numerous and profound that human science cannot understand them adequately. Nor does experience of them equip one to explain them. Only those who suffer them will know what this experience is like, but they won’t be able to describe it. -- Excerpt from the Prologue to the Ascent of Mount Carmel by St. John of the Cross (from Fr. Richard Rohr's "Daily Meditation," April 23, 2020)

Thank you.

THE TREACHEROUS JOURNEY OUT OF SELF

This very real tension is necessary to make us clarify our thinking, refine our laws, and stretch our humanity. Paul called this phenomenon “the folly of the cross,” where God took the worst thing...and made it into the best thing, the very redemption of the world. -- Fr Richard Rohr, Daily Meditation, May 9, 2025

I pray to the God of my understanding that what I am experiencing within me is my God not my wishful thinking...not my fantasyland to keep me from living God's will, God's way. 

I feel, or hope, I am coming out the other side of a long and treacherous mental journey, i.e., today's world bugaboo, fear of dementia. My mind has been scrambled, blank, scared, calm, but thank You, I do believe always dependent on God's will, God's way.

I want and need to rely on the God of my understanding who...unbeknownst to me...it seems had made a turnabout within me, ever heading me in a new direction. I have felt all at sea, but I realize this is the way I am emerging into a higher consciousness...in gratitude and unearned grace. 

Lord, I am feeling sleepy...too hard...want to go back to bed. I choose to stay the course. God can, will and is walking me through my necessary New World Order...not to get too high-flown about it.

My need is to perform the dailies of my life today...call audiologist to go and get hearing aids adjusted...my want is to think pretty words, stay put, and "rest."  

Jesus, is this where I am being opened to You...Your just do it? Lord, hear my prayer...then golden goose me. Please and thank You.

Thank you.

WE COME TO GOD FOR GOD AND THAT IS ALL

Blinding flash of the obvious: We come to God for God...and that is all. 

Today, by VE Day, we honor when good met and overcame the other...and won. We stand today on the precipice...we pray thank You and that is All. 

Thank you.

ON MATURE SPIRITUAL GROWTH, 1

[The following is a reprint of my post of May 30, 2016]

The ego gets what it wants with words. The soul finds what it needs in silence. -- Fr. Richard Rohr

There it is: The essence of our reasoning mind's resistance to powerlessness. Our ego's path out is through our reasoning mind; our soul has no path...in its transparence, it flows freely, cannot be cornered or captured...it is. It simply is.

We often hear that mature spiritual growth is all about detaching. Letting go of our self-perceived needs...embracing our self-perceived lack. When we are no longer talking that but are, in fact and without thought, doing that...we will know mature spiritual growth. And heading in the right direction counts.

Thank you.

BLESSED, BELOVED AND GRATEFUL, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of May 20, 2017.]

Well, here it is. I awoke early, early Thursday morning almost unable to breathe without shooting pains down my right leg. Spinal stenosis letting itself be felt. It's Saturday morning, I still have shooting pains down my right leg, but I'm doing all I can to help the pain go away...as in acupuncture, bed rest, heating pad, Tylenol and an incredible outpouring of love from friends.

It is true...love conquers all, even the resistance to physical pain. I have never been known to suffer in silence, be the cause physical, mental or spiritual, but I know this morning that I am wrapped in the love that truly passes understanding, and I am almost mute in wonder.

The worst part, for the duration of this siege, is that I am without Ruckus to hug and kiss and tell him I love him. I have entrusted him to our friends who love him dearly. On the other hand, the best part, for the duration of this siege, is that I don't have to walk Ruckus. Our friends who love him and he loves are delighted to give him a home...and to walk him. And he is happy.

Don't tell me we're not loved beyond measure, cared for before we know we need it, beloved by God. That is "We." We being everyone unto One.

Thank you.

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS

 I have been out of commission since Wednesday, 3:00 AM, when I was awakened by the pain of a seemingly red-hot knife being jabbed into my left knee, and no matter what I did, starting with prayer and ending with a few choice words, nothing stopped the pain. 

This is the continuing saga of Life at 80...I keep repeating that the first lesson we learn at 80 is to love and laugh.

From this experience, I accept that I need to update the first thing we learn canard.

The first lesson I learned was the last thing I thought of. I was pretty much the same me as I was when pain came before I ever heard of spiritual growth. Profane is the socially-acceptable word.

Here's my spiritual-growth lesson: Our self-centered reactions are lifted...not the pain, the reaction. 

I spent that day in the VHC ER winding up with a diagnosis of Something-Something-Arthritis and an appointment with a specialist for 10:30 next Tuesday. I can live with that...by the grace of God and my good friend Jeretha who came to my aid at my first call. And stayed with me the entire time...and is ready to be there next Tuesday. 

We know there is more to come...I'll try to stay out of God's way, and let life be good. 

Love and laugh.

Thank you.