PROTECTED BY GOD'S LOVE

There is no road, the road is made by walking.

He goes before us to make the crooked places straight.

All paths lead to God.

For whatever reason, those three quotes speak to me...and I had a brain freeze trying to decide which I should put first, second and third. I had each in first then second then third, entwined and intermingled, until I finally surrendered the hope of getting it "right."

This led me to ponder (again!) surrender. I read once that spiritual surrender is not defeat, it is being present to what is right in front of you without resistance or attempts to control.

I love that. I suspect that's why the three quotes came to me this morning...they all speak to me of the reassurance of surrender, the safety of surrender. Let's face it, surrender does not have a welcoming rep. Yet each of those quotes is welcoming in that each gives us the "goezy," the go-ahead because it is safe...and there is no alternative. (There's surrender in a nutshell...no alternative.)

"There is no road, the road is made by walking" sings to me because it takes our indecision away...no more sitting there trying to decide which road we should take. There is no road, start walking!

"He goes before us to make the crooked places straight" is our insurance policy...we're making the road as we walk, but he's going before us to straighten the way.

"All paths lead to God" is our payoff on the insurance policy...there are no wrong roads for they all start out and wind up in the protection of God's love.

Thank you.

NEVER FORGETTING TO LAUGH

My morning's blinding flash of the obvious: Seeing another's defects and naming them as such is not judging the person. It is seeing what it is that I need to detach from: the other's defects, not the other.

I love that shortly after I had my morning's flash, I read Fr. Richard Rohr's Daily Meditation where he spelled out exactly what this detachment is all about, and the why of it:

"[You are] not saying, 'Everything is beautiful,' even when it's not. However, you do come to 'Everything is still beautiful' by facing the conflicts between how reality is and how you wish it could be. In other words, you have to begin--and most people do in their adult years--with dualistic problems. You've got to name good and evil and differentiate between right and wrong. You can't be naïve about evil. But if you stay focused on this duality, you'll [be judging]. You'll become an unlovable, judgmental, dismissive person."

There. Detaching from the duality...mentally separating Gertrude's defects from Gertrude...is learning to love the person yet not take her defects personally. Maybe we're talking forgiveness here?

I'm convinced that as long as we fear finding the gold in judging, we'll live in fear of our own opinions. We'll wind up calling mud chocolate ice cream, being very...very!...disappointed and discouraged which inevitably will lead to our becoming "an unlovable, judgmental, dismissive person."

Maybe spiritual growth is also about learning the art of discernment. Learning to know his mud for his mud, to name it as such but not sling it...to accept it for his/hers and let it be; i.e., love them anyway. And laugh. At our self. For needing to go through all these gyrations just to get to love.

No wonder God's got a great sense of humor...look at his material!

Thank you.

ARI, MY ANGEL AND HEAVY LIFTER

I am beginning to believe (no, to realize) that the whole story of triumph over self is learning to love our thoughts...when they are at their least lovable. Totally based in ego and seemingly all on their own, they start judging, condemning, cursing...our self in particular, but for sure any and all others at any given time.

In beginning to realize this triumphal process, I also realize that I have written...a lot...about that being the actual starting point in transforming consciousness. That, too, is the necessary process...we know right from wrong long before we consciously choose right on a consistent basis...consistent not constant.

It is important to me to remember that I can consciously pinpoint the time and place that my turnaround began...it was just recently, April 20th to be exact. In a blinding flash of the obvious, I named my ego Lucy, and I knew that God loves Lucy and laughs about Lucy's antics. There. I was gifted with my ego as a fun factor in my life...not to be taken seriously but loved. To me, the very word "ego" had always had a shimmer of shame about it.

My job now is to accept that this turnaround is a bare beginning...it (or I) will slip and slide for who knows how long...but the turn has happened. That's what I get to return to with every backslide.

That's the grace of God with the help of Jesus, Joseph and Mary...and my heavy lifter Ari.

Thank you.

BELIEVING AND DOING...TWO DIFFERENT THINGS

For me, believing that there is a God is not the hard part...believing that that God lives within us isn't either. Nor is believing that that very God has already fixed our perceived problem. It is remembering that unto living that when we need it most that is the hard part.

Rohr recently wrote about "knowing with a true faith that nothing bad can happen ultimately because the victory is already won." My head...and my heart quite honestly...were right there with him. Then my mind kicked in...my so-called memory promptly pulled up the ongoing saga concerning That Hospital's billing system. To which, according to it, I owe a gazillion dollars at least.

Here's my problem. I know this will get straightened out. I went through this in 1988 with the same hospital's billing department when I'd had a major operation there. My problem, which admittedly has my ego Lucy's name all over it, is that it is a hassle, an undeserved, unearned, unfair hassle for I am the one who will be forced to get it straight before they (because they can and will) turn it over to a collection agency.

See my dilemma? I do know that nothing bad can happen ultimately, but may I say in all humility that that is not enough! They are not going to be put out one iota. I, however, am, and maybe it'll only be by one iota, but I shouldn't have to be at all.

It is not fair, and enough with the "life's not fair." That Hospital is being rewarded for its bad behavior, for its careless disregard for the very people it is in business to serve, and if I believed in the efficacy of guns for any reason, I'd justifiably take that place down...now.

Did I mention Lucy? Well, when she's right, she's right, and she is double-down right on this. Which, as always, always, always happens...when Lucy's right, I'm in trouble. My head and heart wind up hurting.

Back to my golden rule: Just try not to be as nasty as you want to be. The golden goose: Else you're going to have an amends to make that is incomprehensible in its darkness.

Thank you.

FACED, ACCEPTED...FREED

Secrets. I'm convinced that secrets have the power of TNT to our fearful reasoning mind. And until our secrets are faced...i.e., accepted...and then shared, openly and honestly, they form the Do Not Pass block in our mind. That block, that Do Not Pass, is self-determined and ego-controlled, and is the point where so many of us falter and fail.

The moment of decision, that time where we meet the great risk of shucking our shields and standing bare before our world or silently holding tight to our secrets...there, in that moment begins the great divide. We risk detonating the dynamite to move forward into still more spiritual growth and healing, or we risk nothing and hunker down with our ego as our protector with no hope of spiritual growth.

Unfortunately, there is no standing still...if we're not moving forward, we're moving backward. And consciously sticking with Lucy is life in reverse.

I have read that calmness is trust in action, but to me going forward in the midst of anxiety is really trust in action. Making the decision to share a long-held secret can be met with the calmness of nothing-left-to-lose or with the anxiety that comes from the fear of losing face (and is there a greater fear?). Either way, the decision is the free-er. The decision is the key that unlocks the non-existent door behind which God stands.

We learn the secret had "all the force and effect of a snowflake on the bosom of the Potomac" (to quote the late, great Senator Everett Dirksen (R-IL))   But until we made the decision to turn from our own self and throw in with God, it held all power, mutely, over our very universe.

We have a voice now. Linked by grace with gratitude, it is a powerful voice for good.

Thank you.

THE ART OF LOVING...LAUGHTER

"Mature, authentic spirituality calls us into experiences and teachings that open us to an actual transformation of consciousness (Romans 12:2)." - Fr. Richard Rohr, Daily Meditation, May 9, 2016

The first thought I had about being called spiritually into experiences that open us to actual transformation of consciousness was that is the basis for "thank you" to everything that comes to us...but especially those things that appear bad, oh please no, let this cup pass, etc.

Those in particular are the teachings that lift us into a transformed consciousness. We learn that being lifted up is just the barest beginning...even as we feel in that moment as if we just got a forever gift. We learn, however, that it is the footwork, the get-your-hands-dirty digging that comes after that cements our transformation...which takes time because (my theory) ego does not transform. Old Lucy is ever with us, toting that football. Looking for her opportunity to score.

The transformation, the authentic spiritual experience, is cemented when we not only quit resisting Lucy but we cease entertaining her. too. To resist her ("I've got to stop doing that")  is to nurture her...to entertain her ("I know what I've got to do") is to breathe new life into her. If that doesn't cause us pause, we're not paying attention.

The pause is the gut-bucket realization that we personally cannot do this...that God can and only God can. That was the quiet word given us at the beginning...we've been arm-wrestling with God and Lucy about it ever since.

I suspect I'm going to be arm-wrestling until three days after I'm dead, but I know to laugh at that today. To love me and laugh with God at me...and love you for allowing me that.

Thank you.

WAIT FOR THE LORD...SOAR

What is the relation of [contemplation] to action? Simply this. He who attempts to act and do things for others or for the world without deepening his own self-understanding, freedom, integrity, and capacity to love, will not have anything to give others. He will communicate to them nothing but the contagion of his own obsessions, his aggressiveness, his ego-centered ambitions, his delusions about ends and means, his doctrinaire prejudices and ideas. There is nothing more tragic in the modern world than the misuse of power and action. ----Thomas Merton

I lifted the above Merton quote from Fr. Richard Rohr's "Daily Meditation" of this morning. The entire quote perfectly describes what I believe (but never realized enough to verbalize) about "self-determined objectives."

I have learned from actual personal experience that most any self-determined objective of mine that started out in my mind as good, for the benefit of another, spiritual in nature, with no conscious thought for myself invariably ended up either ticking the other off or leaving me feeling used and abused, the victim of my own self-perceived goodness.

And the why of that is: I attempted to act and do things for others without deepening my own self-understanding and capacity to love, and did not have anything to give others. I communicated to them nothing but the contagion of my own obsessions, my ego-centered me. 

Which translates to: I attempted to do God's work without a by-your-leave to God about it. My intent was above my reach so to speak. Without first seeking God's will, the best, the highest spiritual intent in this world or the next is still and ever "the road to hell, paved with good intentions."

They who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary. --  Isa. 40:31

Thank you.