ON WALKING THROUGH FEAR IN FAITH, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of December 29, 2019.]

Blinding flash of the obvious (as I asked to be relieved of the bondage of self): I must release You from my bondage of self.

It was a great gettin' up morning when I realized that for myself, fear is God in camouflage for nothing turns me to God faster than fear.

The hook, however, is that fear is not lifted. We must walk through our personal fear to God. Ah, but we do not feel the fear as we are walking through for He goes before us making the crooked places straight.

It is I; be not afraid. - John 6:20

Thank you.

THE GRACE OF GRATITUDE

The infinite expanse of who we are is a place to offer our own unfixed and unmixed attention, a place of prayer, a place where the contemplative life thrives.-- "Daily Meditation," June 3, 2026

Being who we are, who I am, is a long-time, mind-changing, life-changing act of self will and spiritual will wove together as One.

I am in my 80s now, and at times it will take by-grace-and-by-God for me to comfortably be who I am in- and outside my very Me.

I am comfortable being me the majority of the time, but the times that I feel...let's call it antsy...get my fuller attention. I have learned to accept that God-thoughts slip in without pre-knowledge or consent, often are resisted, but once realized, are always for me...for my spiritual-growth benefit.

I am in that space now...brought to me by age, accident (a fall), and spiritual growth (whereby I leaned on everything happens for my benefit...resist not evil being the key).

I no longer need remind me to go to God for God and that is all. I am comfortable recognizing that is my Place in the Sun today. And I am grateful.

Thank you.

FEELING FEAR, I WALK WITH GOD

I was becoming more and more open to letting the spirit of God breathe through me and make me new. Therein is the source of real personal change, evolution, and transformation, and it’s never ending…. The Rt. Rev. Michael Curry, "Daily Meditation," June 2, 2026

As I reread the Curry quote, I realize that may well be what I am experiencing, letting the spirit of God breathe through me.

Only it hurts.

I feel as filled with anxiety as I have ever felt. I thought that was the inside boil that would be lanced...painlessly...and I would feel healed, thus whole.

Well, I don't.

I am shaking like an Aspen, stomach tight and growing tighter, heart pounding.

Whoa! Blinding flash: I 'see' Jesus going to his crucifixion...no one knows for certain sure what His inner thoughts were. It may well be He was shaking like an Aspen, etc., but He did not falter, He did not fail to continue His walk with God to His destiny.

Feeling fear, I walk with God...He knows my name.

Thank you.

WORST FEAR INVITES GOD'S WILL AND WAY

Applying binary logic to assess or judge the infinite variables of human experience is illogical. —Larry B., "Daily Meditation," June 1, 2026

Trying to open oneself to the infinite variables of human experience is still self-will driving the bus. 

Trying is the giveaway...trying is our self in control, inviting is our willingness to hear God.

I am feeling scared right now...scared of Thy will, Thy way. I am in my new level of spiritual growth, and I feel abandoned, threatened, all alone. 

Feel the fear and do it anyway floats by. I fear I am losing my mind...blinding flash: and I am. 

Comes the quiet word: All I need do is accept that losing my mind is simply changing my mind. 

I fear my life will now be me seeking others' aid and assistance and being dependent on that. 

Now I get to believe that as so, thus for my good. By grace and by God.

Thank you. 

THE SPIRITUAL LEARNING PROCESS

I hear myself saying over and over, God, you've just gottta help me.

This morning I intuited, Stacey, you've just gotta let Me.

I remind myself that I go to God for God and that is all, but I suspect those words have become just words...words I repeat, repeatedly, so their meaning is akin to dust in the wind...more of an irritation than an aid.

I realize, also, that I find myself repeating, repeatedly, Lord, hear my prayer. I have never asked that God help me hear him, his response. 

I begin to understand: This is the spiritual learning process. The feeling that we are going nowhere, getting no God-attention. This may just be the winding road to God's ear...out of self into Self. 

I'll accept it as such until further enlightenment opens to me.

God is so good to me...to us.

Thank you. 

NOTHING LEFT FOR WHICH TO WISH, I

[The following is a reprint, slightly reworked, of my post of April 29, 2018.]

The crucifixion of the self is accomplished when there is nothing left for which we wish to pray. -- Joel Goldsmith, "The Heart of Mysticism," at p. 377

If that be true, then it follows that the road to ego deflation in depth is accomplished by letting go of our self-determined objectives, i.e., our wants...no matter how pretty we dress our wants.

Which is close enough for me to what in the 15th century Meister Eckhart espoused: If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, that would suffice.

Thank you.

TO FEEL FEAR IS TO INVITE GOD'S WILL

When we open up space for the Spirit and let the Spirit fill that space within us, we begin to change.... --Brian McLaren, "Daily Meditations," May 29, 2026

I felt joy when I read McLaren's quote. As I pondered that, I was stopped by a loud Uh-Oh, and I realized that we begin to change was the promise and the warning both at the same time. On the one hand, Spirit says, for the better, and reasoning mind says, fear is here, hunker down.

Right now, I am in my reasoning mind, and I feel fear...fear of losing my mind. I feel paralyzed with fear in that I don't seem to be able to do anything, as in to actually move to get the test I've been nattering myself about getting. That's the test for cognitive disorder...for whatever reason, cognitive disorder feels softer to me than dementia...the very word stabs my worried-zone.  

This panic attack started earlier, around 4:00 AM, and it has been flitting in and out since...it is 8:00 AM now. I do not shame, blame or pity...I go to God for God and this is His answer. That is my truth that I get to deal with just as it is...for my benefit. 

I go to God for God and that is all, for that is All.

Now, feel the fear and keep on truckin'...with the grace of God and gratitude.

Thank you.