THE SPIRITUAL LEARNING PROCESS

I hear myself saying over and over, God, you've just gottta help me.

This morning I intuited, Stacey, you've just gotta let Me.

I remind myself that I go to God for God and that is all, but I suspect those words have become just words...words I repeat, repeatedly, so their meaning is akin to dust in the wind...more of an irritation than an aid.

I realize, also, that I find myself repeating, repeatedly, Lord, hear my prayer. I have never asked that God help me hear him, his response. 

I begin to understand: This is the spiritual learning process. The feeling that we are going nowhere, getting no God-attention. This may just be the winding road to God's ear...out of self into Self. 

I'll accept it as such until further enlightenment opens to me.

God is so good to me...to us.

Thank you. 

NOTHING LEFT FOR WHICH TO WISH, I

[The following is a reprint, slightly reworked, of my post of April 29, 2018.]

The crucifixion of the self is accomplished when there is nothing left for which we wish to pray. -- Joel Goldsmith, "The Heart of Mysticism," at p. 377

If that be true, then it follows that the road to ego deflation in depth is accomplished by letting go of our self-determined objectives, i.e., our wants...no matter how pretty we dress our wants.

Which is close enough for me to what in the 15th century Meister Eckhart espoused: If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, that would suffice.

Thank you.

TO FEEL FEAR IS TO INVITE GOD'S WILL

When we open up space for the Spirit and let the Spirit fill that space within us, we begin to change.... --Brian McLaren, "Daily Meditations," May 29, 2026

I felt joy when I read McLaren's quote. As I pondered that, I was stopped by a loud Uh-Oh, and I realized that we begin to change was the promise and the warning both at the same time. On the one hand, Spirit says, for the better, and reasoning mind says, fear is here, hunker down.

Right now, I am in my reasoning mind, and I feel fear...fear of losing my mind. I feel paralyzed with fear in that I don't seem to be able to do anything, as in to actually move to get the test I've been nattering myself about getting. That's the test for cognitive disorder...for whatever reason, cognitive disorder feels softer to me than dementia...the very word stabs my worried-zone.  

This panic attack started earlier, around 4:00 AM, and it has been flitting in and out since...it is 8:00 AM now. I do not shame, blame or pity...I go to God for God and this is His answer. That is my truth that I get to deal with just as it is...for my benefit. 

I go to God for God and that is all, for that is All.

Now, feel the fear and keep on truckin'...with the grace of God and gratitude.

Thank you.

GOD INDWELLING IS.... I

[The following is a reprint of my post of  May 31, 1995.]

Jesus became a highly contrived problem-solver for our own guilt and fear (a problem that was inevitable if God was not indwelling) instead of the Archetypal Blueprint for what God has been doing all the time and everywhere. -- Fr. Richard Rohr, "Daily Meditation," May 31, 1995

There. That parenthetical phrase, "(a problem that was inevitable if God was not indwelling)," explains everything...according to me.

God indwelling is the driver, producer, agent of our soul, always using our own chosen tools, i.e., defects of character or personal assets, to get us where we need to be for our still more spiritual growth...no matter how ego-shattering it looks and feels to us and/or our world.

I am the source of all my woes; I am the good I seek.

Thank you.

WE MUST FEEL THE FEAR TO RELEASE IT

Father Richard envisions the Holy Spirit as the loving immensity of God’s presence within us.,,,You must contact this Immensity! ...You must know that this Immensity is already within you. The only thing separating you from such Immensity is the ego. -- "Father Richard Rohr's Daily Meditation," May 27, 2026

I am again at the place of intense anxiety (that always feels like the first time)...fear on the hoof, galloping free rein within me. It tells me to fall back, go for cover, hide...all the while I am knowing from my eyebrows up that I must go further. 

I must feel the fear and do it anyway. The "it" is my life just as it is presenting itself to me Now.

I keep being whisked back in memory to me, living in my first five years which is fairly close to my feeling today.  Solid fear...anxiety up the gump-stump, which, with God as my Guide, I walked through. 

 

You must contact this Immensity...there it is, my marching orders which are seldom as I envision them. I must contact this Immensity...go to God for God and that is all. 

I feel no peace, my heart beats harder, my breath comes in gasps...this is panic on the hoof. There are no shortcuts to God's will, God's way...and it takes as long as it takes.

All this I must feel all the way through to the other side...to my Immensity. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

You must contact this Immensity!

Thank you.

GRATEFULLY, WE GO TO GOD FOR GOD

So, dementia, with the grace of gratitude and just for today, I leave you to God. If you are God's will for me, then you are my will for me. No doubt, we'll visit again tomorrow...."With Grace, We Welcome the Unwelcome," my blog of May 19, 2026 

Such good advice, so difficult to do. 

It is akin to the quiet word we once received, i.e., we go to God for God, and that is all. 

Again, we note that is a toughie...when we are feeling pea-green-purple terrified, we know the specific that needs lifted, banished, erased from our life, from our consciousness. The idea that we need to welcome it feels like the devil doing his dance in our ear.

There it is, why we spent so much time and effort on our still more spiritual growth. When blind-sided by self-centered fear, the holy whisper is there for us...it is our choice to go with It or stay with fear. 

Hard lesson learning: It is God that makes our choice...only God knows when we are truly ready. We are comforted with the reminder to resist not evil for God uses that, too, for our benefit.

Gratefully, we go to God for God, and that is all.

Thank you.

FEAR...GOD'S GIFT TO ME

Blinding flash of the obvious: Fear is God's gift to me for it turns me to Him faster than thought.

I am still living in the anxiety attack I've written about this past week. Clearly, it is not an attack which I think of as quick and terrorizing in the moment. 

Ah, I am living in anxiety from which I got my BFO... ergo, good and of God.

It is comforting to realize these truths, but they do not slow my fast-beating heart... a God gift that holds my feet to the fire to ensure I stay to learn His will, His way for me. 

It is clear that I am given to running the other way, but God ever has better for me. I go to God...dragging foot but moving forward. God is so good to me.

Thank you.