GO WITH GOD AND GRIN AGAIN

 I am reminded yet again: I go to God for God and that is all...for that is all.

I also have a worry trying to make its home in my mind. The worry being that I'm probably going to need to move...to leave this home of mine that I've lived in for over a quarter of a century. Well, there it is: Me trying to scare me with a dreaded possibility. 

For whatever reasons, back-ass-wards as they may be...when I'm dreading and delaying, I get me in motion by inviting my worst fear to do my thinking for me. This is not planned...and I only realized that's what I do fairly recently. The fact is, it works, and at this late date in my life, anything that works for me is mine.

I'd best get clear honest...my main worry is not that I'm probably going to need to move. My worries are that I have dementia, that it is taking control of my life, and I have already lost control of my thinking.

Which really ticks me off. I am in my 80s! I thought I'd be long dead by now. Not only am I alive, but I'm also reasonably well...no known cancer or other life-threatening disease. 

Today, no known illness is not the good news! In my earlier years it was, but today, pushing 90...90!!!...I am less than comforted by that. I am the last member of my family still alive...not alive and well, but alive! With my luck I just might live to be 100...in what world is that good news?

I do have friends...need I say, not as many as I once did since I'm outliving them, too! 

Oh, this is just a screed on the joys of self-pity. All I really need do is get over myself...and p.d.q.

God is so good to me...he lets me wallow in my own crap then gives me his viewpoint, and I grin. God's got the answer...I go with God and grin again.

Thank you.

THE JOY WE FIND IN HOPE

This morning the fear of dementia in my life hovered over me. I recalled all the reminders to love, love our enemy, love our fear...kiss it on the lips.

It is very hard to honestly love the fear of dementia. I do not know if I have dementia, but I do know my fear of it is causing me to forget a lot.

Julian of Norwich was my today's reading. The first thing I read was: Julian of Norwich was especially aware of the joyful character of hope. 

There. God just handed me hope.

The more faithfully and hopefully we respond to God’s love in our life, the greater will be the fullness of our joy. -- Thomas Merton

Thank you.

TO LET IT BE IS GRACE, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of May 30, 2015.]

Life's perfect answer...love and laugh...is in my face right now and has been for a while. Today, I received a temporary add-on...learn.

Love - to consciously live a life in acceptance.
Laugh - no matter how "it" looks, because we live in acceptance, we can laugh.
Learn - this is labeled "temporary" because it is the daily discipline necessary to develop a consciousness of acceptance so that we can laugh at our reaction to whatever comes. 

Laughing, we learn, is simply not taking our self too seriously when we do meet a life's "oh-no." A child's illness, for instance, or a friend's betrayal, a foe's superiority...or Alzheimer's. Within, they are all the same...us trying yet again to take control from God.

What is, is. To let it be is grace.

Thank you.

PREACH NO MORE...DO!

My life today...or right now...feels at sixes and sevens.

I remind me: I go to God for God, and that is all...for that is all.

Then my head returns to nattering. 

I am finally at that stage of life I used to hear about, and it'd go over my head like a hairnet. Face it,  we cannot know how the future feels until we're living in that future...now known as the present.

The grand and glorious news is: I feel no fear...not even apprehension. If I must find a word, I'd say curious fits me best today. I feel curious as to how I will meet and greet my future.

Breaking that down, I feel curious as to how I will meet today. Truth to tell, I have a nattering within me to go back to bed...to go to sleep...in other words to not deal.

I can do that. And, later, I will regret that.

Why borrow regrets?

I go to God for God and that is all. If I choose to live that which I preach, I'd best get crackin'. 

Reminder: To get crackin' is simply to change my mind. 

Upgrade my thinking to thank You and that is all.

Preach no more...thank You.

Thank you. 

ON LIVING OUR FAITH...DAILY

 Another blinding flash...it seems I have faith...deep faith...until I actually need it.

As I trundle forward daily, I meet the usual stumbles, bumbles and yucks, and in general take them in stride. 

I believed from my toenails up that God had me in the palm of His hand, I was safe.

Dementia...the fear of my own dementia...surely and purely put a spin on that. 

Face it, dementia is easier to accept when we're seeing it in another, ah, but hard to love when we fear we're experiencing it.  

That's the nut of my current hard time, and what an understatement. I feel pea-green-purple petrified, not to put too fine a point on it. I may, or I may not, have dementia. For certain sure, I do have fear of it. 

I remind myself of all the wonderful quotes; i.e., feel the fear and do it anyway...but when It is my fear, that's one tall order. 

There. That's another good reason why God is in my life...is essential to life if we are to live in a sane and sensible manner. Sane and sensible are spiritually based we slowly learn, and learning apparently only comes by way of Oh, no lived repeatedly.

I am living now in a state of apprehensive conjecture...which is fear prettied up. 

But I am living it, praying thank You, and moving forward; for today, that is close enough to perfect for me.

Thank you.

ON BEING LED FREE OF ME, I

 [The following is a reprint of my post of December 30, 2018.]

If what our life is showing at the moment seems to be less than wonderful, recall...again...that God knows our needs.

What we are getting is what we are needing for our still more spiritual growth according to who and what we are inside where God lives. Where we keep digging, trying to get to that which is still unknown to us, is just another room in God's hidey-hole.

God knows, and he is sending out clues. Those are the things we keep rejecting and pushing aside and calling by another's name. No. They are our very own, and when we recognize them for our very own, we will break free...free of me.

It is in the breaking down of our self, not breaking the defect but our resistance to the defect, that will free us from the bondage of self.

Face it...without those we curse, we might never walk free. Those we curse are leading us free of our own self. Get grateful...be thankful.

In my Father's house are many mansions.... John 14:2

Thank you.

LOVE IT AND LAUGH...AH, PERFECT PEACE

[He] is saying that it is possible, if we could drop down to the very bottom of the sea (an image of paradise), we would see that we’re already infinitely safe. We’re already the beloved, and as the beloved, we’re already beyond being compromised or threatened by anything because of God’s infinite love for us. We are bonded unconditionally in his love. The mystical realization is the realization of that. -- "Daily Meditation," May 16, 2026

Ah, there's our forever comfort. The thought that we are already infinitely safe comes to us by word, spoken and written, on a daily basis...if we choose to see.

So, my current fear, with the grace of gratitude and just for today, I leave you to God. Apparently, you are God's will for me, thus you are my will for me. 

No doubt, we'll visit again tomorrow for how else do we learn to love it and laugh?

God is so good to me...to us.

Thank you.