WITH GRACE, WE WELCOME THE UNWELCOME

The more faithfully and hopefully we respond to God’s love in our life, the greater will be the fullness of our joy. -- Thomas Merton

I take heart that Merton wrote the more hopefully we respond to God's love. 

I have felt secure in my belief in God's love for what seems like a long time, but actually only in the last 20 or so years have I begun to entertain the possibility of God's personal love for me. 

I have learned not to quibble over uncertain possibilities...I believe that God is love, thus He loves All. It is walking that fact down the road of what ifs and uh-ohs that we learn true welcome. I doubt there is much that turns us to God faster than the uncertain outcome of a personally perceived need.

From my eyebrows up, I want to feel assured that I do not have, nor will I ever have, dementia. 

The good news is I am not married to that want...there have been too many things that I prayed to happen or to not happen that came to me in the exact reverse of my prayer...with each turning out to be my pearl beyond price. God's will, God's way, my blessing in disguise. 

So dementia, with the grace of gratitude and just for today, I leave you to God. If you are God's will for me, then you are my will for me. No doubt, we'll visit again tomorrow.

Thank you.

ON THE RUGGED ROAD WITH GOD'S WILL

We’re already the beloved, and as the beloved, we’re already beyond being compromised or threatened by anything because of God’s infinite love for us. *** The mystical realization is the realization of that. --Julian of Norwich

Beginning in February of this year, 2026, it seems that my life began living me: I am experiencing my life, my every minute breathing in and out, as living me.

Yesterday, I was guided to a weekly food-and-fun get together which I have never attended for no reason other than I have no interest in it. I had no personal interest in it yesterday, but I was guided to attend, and I don't say Nay to the Guide.

From my eyebrows up, I felt nothing, but my inner self knew to stay...to let my life live whatever came. 

Nothing came.

Ah, but I still have the inner feeling, the knowing, that I learned...I do not need to know what I learned with all the commas and periods in place for I will. I will know when I am ready to know. as in when I am looking back and seeing God's will in my life.

I am being led right this minute even as I am shrugging my way through. 

Either we believe in God, in all the miracles of God as promised, known and unknown, or we are still steeped in self-knowledge...which, spiritually, avails us nothing.

My fear is that I have dementia; my faith is if dementia is God's will for me, I welcome it. 

Our destiny needs us to stay, with gratitude and grace, on the rugged road to God's will, God's way.

Thank you.

TRUST GOD AND REMAIN WILLING

Creation and cosmos belong to everyone—and no one—and it calls us to a larger consciousness of expanded love. -- Julian of Norwich 

Ah, a larger consciousness of expanded love. There...life's marching orders repeated. 

My note in my daily reader: Whatever is mine by grace and by God, I welcome...fear of dementia, or dementia itself (or simply my old friend nerves), I welcome.

Big (God) change: I welcome my recent betrayer back into my life...we are all too old, too needy, too honest to live in an attitude of spite and malice...payback is for sissies, too afraid to trust God's will, God's way.

Further, I need beware of self-determined objectives...I see me running to my former betrayer and hugging him, thus "proving" my superior spiritual nature. I need to just be friendly, hug if a hug is called for, force nothing.  

Trust God, be willing and keep on truckin'. 

Thank you. 

THE GIFT OF HOPE

This morning the fear of dementia hovered over me...still. The fear tends to come, go, come again. I tend to let it for I know fighting fear grows fear stronger. 

I recall all the reminders to love, love our enemy, love our fear...kiss it on the lips, we were told.

It is very hard to honestly love the fear of dementia, much less dementia itself. I do not know if I have dementia, but I do know my fear of it is causing me to forget a lot.

Here's God's gift to me: Julian of Norwich was my reading today, and the first thing I read? Julian of Norwich was especially aware of the joyful character of hope.

There. God just gifted me with hope.

Thank you.

GOD'S WILL, GOD'S WAY

I am remembering the song, 'Whatever Will Be Will Be.' This I know from my own experience, whatever will be, will be for my benefit.

That is the last line of my yesterday's blog which today has a deeper meaning for me; namely, that for my benefit rarely resembles my reasoning-mind prayer. 

Neither God's will nor God's way is of the reasoning mind. That is how we learn to pray thank You for whatever comes to us, knowing that this is God's will, God's way...unrecognizable to us on first meeting. 

We go to God for God, and that is all...for that is all. 

Thank you.

GRACE OF GOD AND GRATITUDE

Here's me today, bordering on fear and trepidation...fear that dementia is on my plate and ready...ah, for what? There's the dreaded border.

I am a tish surprised that I wrote "bordering on"...it is true, I am not full-out panic stricken, but I do have a sense of dread in my belly.

Being in the crosshairs of dementia and not feeling dread is akin to being on the tracks of an oncoming train and feeling fairly calm about it. Say what?!

However, I am not full-out panicked. I attribute that to God, grace and the willingness to grow spiritually, as in: Give over, give up, give in while praying thank You for the good, the bad and the ugly.

I achieve that today the majority of the time...some days that is 51 percent, some days I get way up in the 70s. bordering 80s. There: Shout hallelujah and feel the grace of God.

I am remembering the song, Whatever Will Be Will Be. This I know from my own experience, whatever will be, will be for my benefit.

Thank you.

WITH GRACE AND GRATITUDE

Say we make a decision to turn our will and our life over to the care of God as we understand Him...the hard lesson we learn is that leaves all to God. Every jot and tittle, every breath we take is left to the care of God. [From my post of May 29, 2019.]

That is my hard lesson to accept today. Recently, I've written about my suspicion (fear) that I am coming into dementia...or that I have dementia.

That is a scary fact, the fact of dementia. 

This is where lessons learned rush to our aid. The pearl beyond price in my life is that I have learned to welcome my fear, specifically my fear of whatever unwanted that I see coming to me.

I suspect that dementia is an unwanted to any one of us. I do have anxiety disorder which causes panic-forgetfulness so I'm letting my self-diagnosed dementia hover in the land of maybe/maybe not.  

This I know from personal and priceless experience...whatever I am fearing that looks less-than yet is heading to me is for my benefit by grace and by God. Ergo, I pray thank You.

The thought occurs that I can think of dementia as an untrained puppy...it rules until I learn how to...with grace and gratitude. 

And God is back on the field.

Thank you.