ON BEING FEAR-FROZEN IN PLACE

Blinding flash of the obvious: Whatever I am doing or not doing right this minute is what I am supposed to be doing. I am living God's will, God's way whether I am conscious of it or not. I am grateful; I pray thank You.

That BFO came to me just as I was about to go full-out panicking, as in, what to do, what to do?

I have been feeling stuck, knowing what I need to do but not doing it...like frozen in place. 

Not to put too fine a point on it, but I need to take the test for mental cognition. I was given a neurologist's name and phone number back in April or May...I have done nothing with that information.

My hold-back (excuse)? Do I go with meds or do I continue to trust God? 

I am aware the answer is fairly elementary...trust God and take the mental cognition test. 

On the surface, that is easy to know, easy to say, easy to judge, easy to regret. But I have learned to trust the inner voice, and It has a hold on me. It is the hold that I trust...when It says sit and wait on the Lord, I've learned to sit and wait on the Lord. 

I have also learned that my self-will can and does do my thinking for me without a by-your-leave...as in I'm often the last to know that was not God's will, God's way, it was wishful thinking plain and simple. 

Good advice I was once given for when I'm stuck: Hold your nose and take a leap of faith.

It is my truth that there are only two basic emotions: One is love and the other, fear. All other emotions are born in one or the other of those two. Ergo. I am afraid. Afraid to take that leap of faith.  

Ah, it is not that I sit and wait on the Lord...it is that I sit and wait in self-centered fear, ignoring the Lord.

Doing nothing is not my problem...doing nothing is hiding my problem. I am afraid to get over myself...the ultimate act of faith. So there. 

Now what? and when? 

Thank you.

GOD IS OUR KEEPER OF THE KEYS

We all walk in the garden whether we know it or not. We came from God and we will return to God. Everything in between is a school of conscious loving. — Richard Rohr, "Daily Meditations," February 14, 2026

I heard me talking to myself this morning. I was repeatedly saying, "I'm a mess. I am a mess." 

When I finally got my own attention, I heard me saying, "And what better place to be? God has my mess, my cluttered-by-self mess, for me to shuck."

I love when God talks to me through me...I can be very clear then.

As an aside, the husband of a friend of mine committed suicide this past week...he had been very ill for a long time with no hope, except death. Ergo...the relief, the blessed relief. Followed by the guilt, the damned guilt. Followed by the relief, etc., etc., etc.  I wonder if all of the conflicted feelings around self-inflicted death aren't God's distraction tool...coulda, woulda, shoulda seems to rule family and friends in suicides. A long-time prayer of mine...to go when my time comes as determined by God alone.

My sister died recently of natural causes three days passed her 91st birthday. I am reminded...re-reminded...that with her passing I am the last member of my family still standing. Being "the baby" of the family, little heavy lifting was ever demanded of me. I am getting the picture...all the leftover lifting is now mine by grace and with God.

God is my keeper of the keys. I accept when, as and if needed, the perfect key will be given to me to unlock whatever gift awaits me. 

Lesson a-learning: Everything needed, opens for our benefit...by grace and by God.

Thank you.

FEAR...RESIST IT NOT FOR IT TOO IS OF GOD

According to me, there are two ways of seeing life even as we live it...materially, from our self-centered fear perspective or from our Soul-sight, i.e., spiritually...God's will, God's way.

We live primarily from self until something happens to us...usually something to our reasoning mind that is awful, terrible, unacceptable...and yet in the end we find it to be the pearl beyond price...that which brought us out of self into Self.

My personal experience moved me deeper: I lived by self-determination until I lost my belief in my own self and was turned within to the Power greater than self, to Self.

Looking back, I realize I was lifted by my decision born of fear...my decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of the God of my own understanding. To let go and let God...to trust.

I am at another turning point in my life. I am in my eighties now. and dementia is running older peoples' lives or trying to at any rate. Or, more honestly, fear of dementia is the culprit...large and in charge, trying to fill that place where God lives.

To the best of my ability, I am letting it...I resist it not. I am learning still, yet, again to welcome any and all appearances in my life...coming to or flowing from me, my thoughts, my fears. They are all under God's protection and for my benefit.

If my incurable, progressive disease can be a good thing, and it is and has been so in my life for over fifty years, than so can dementia be. 

Knock yourself out, dementia! We love ya, Baby...or will soon since love is God's will.

Thank you.

THE FATHER WITHIN...OUR SINGULAR SOURCE

The recovery of paradise takes place for the adult in humility and in spiritual nakedness. In other words not self-consciously but as the small child who just is present and just is vulnerable. - Thomas Merton -- "Richard Rohr's Daily Meditation," February 12, 2026

Before the recovery of paradise, consciousness is of the small self where our want to know all there is to know rules. More to the point, our want is to be lifted into spiritual consciousness where we know it all unselfconsciously...piously in a word. Without effort, by God's will, God's way alone, which describes a self-determined objective.

I believe I just found my Rosetta Stone: Without our effort, by God's will, God's way alone.

Never has that been a conscious thought of mine; but, apparently, I am afraid to trust that God's will, God's way needs our actual efforts to get us where we seek to be. We can liken it to standing at the foot of Mt Everest and praying that we can get to the top...never moving a muscle to get there, just repeating words, praying God will do it.

This is the first lesson we ever learned only it is here now at a deeper level...less intellect, more trust.

God is so good to us. From our eyebrows up, we are not where we seek to be...but from our heart and in all directions, we are exactly where God needs us to be. In order to move deeper inside our own self, to God's will, God's way, we need to trust God and do something about something.

Ah, blinding flash: We need to do something about something, and our trust in God will follow...reminding us the Father is and has ever been our singular Source.

Thank you.

RESIST NOT...LOVE AND LAUGH

There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. -- Leonard Cohen

That is one of my favorite lines...I recall when first I heard it, I felt flabbergasted. I had thought...really believed...that was a secret known to me alone. Wishful thinking, I reckoned, so keep it secret...don't risk being thought a fool or, worse, getting laughed at.

To be clear, or more honest anyway, my thinking was not as polished as Cohen's...but I had the same line of thinking. That is how I so quickly caught Cohen's words, his meaning behind the words....they were mine, too!

I came to realize I was lifted to that truth through my beloved Fellowship where, in effect, we are taught to live peace, love and joy and to pass it on. 

It takes time...a lot of time...to live our end goal: To cease fighting everything and everybody. 

To the human mind, that is not smart, not practical, not realistic...NOT. 

To the spiritually attuned mind, that is God's will, God's way...and our very hope of Heaven.

It has taken me over fifty years to live that, and to stumble ever so often...ah, but to love the stumble and laugh. That's when I hear, She's got it, by George, I think she'd got it! Then I know love.

I know of no way for hearts to be softened other than by a combination of love and suffering. -- Rev. Dr. Ruth Patterson, February 11, 2026

Thank you.

THE HOLY PLACE OF UNKNOWING, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of February 11, 2023.]

Still more spiritual growth begins with our seeking spiritual answers...to learn, to find out, to get a spiritual mindset.

The longer we are on this journey, heading in the right direction by doing it wrong a lot, we are heading for the place of unknowing...of which we are unconscious. There...the essence of spiritual growth.

The difference between unknowing and not knowing is unknowing shucks our shields, keeps an active letting go of what we think we know. The place of not knowing holds little to no curiosity...we don't know, whatever, end of the discussion.

To be in the place of not knowing is stayed in the material mind.

To get to the place of unknowing is Oned with God. Only we don't know it. We are unknowing. But our consciousness is raised.

According to me.

Thank you.

TO BE HAPPY, LIVE GRATEFULLY. I

[The following is a reprint of my post of February 27, 2015.]

Thank you, dear God, almighty force for good, that you work through me as you worked through Mohammad, through the Buddha, through Christ Jesus. Amen

Thank you that I do thy will always whether or not I know it...that my reasoning-mind mistakes are your right-road-to-Heaven for me. For it is in my mistakes that my rues, regrets and remorses are born, those very rues, regrets and remorses that you have shown me are, transmuted, my good, my gold.

Those very mistakes are my Teacher's tools, designed for me personally that I may grow from them by learning your will, your way. ..and thereby find my happiness.

Thank you.