LOVE...AND THAT IS ALL, I

[The following is a slightly reworked reprint of my post of September 26, 2017.]

"God Calling," 9/26/01 Note to Self: When our actions are 'less than' toward others, we are living in two worlds.' Love = One.

What we see is always our self; what we receive is always sent by us to us...it is never she/he/they. There is no she/he/they.

The Father and I are One.

Thank you.

WE GO TO GOD FOR GOD...GRATEFULLY

I need to keep in the forefront of my mind: I go to God for God and that is all...for that is all.

It seems I've written that every day recently, and I may have, but nothing, or no words, seem more important to me right now than I go to God for God and that is all...for that is all.

The pullback in endless repetition of important thoughts is often they become just  words.

I think of The Lord's Prayer and how we learned that almost before we learned how to spell our own name.  But having said it, it was forgotten till the next time...morning, evening, whenever.

Too often I forget my intent is to make those words...I go to God for God and that is all...for that is all...my goal for the day...daily. Ah, but have I ever? Have I ever achieved that? No...or not nearly enough.

At this stage of my life...old, and I know that for good...I seldom get in a mental boondoggle with my thoughts, feelings, doings. 

Acceptance! Glory hallelujah, I've achieved acceptance. No, truth to tell, God has gifted me, and I am grateful.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL MEMORIES

 Today, September 11, brings its own kind of memories...I'm feeling a tish gobsmacked that 2001 was only 25 years ago. 

Our lives...my life...has gone on,  tripping, skipping, stumbline, falling...but all-in-all, successfully...as in, no regrets.

Some oh, I'd rather not remember that, but in general, I'm good with my memories...it might be that my memory is not what it once was, i.e., great, but I'm good with that, too...or close enough.

The one sentence that solidifies peace in my mind and my heart is I go to God for God, and that is all...for that is all.

There...peace is upon me. 

I've nattered enough about my anxieties that I need take that no further.

On this rather holy day, I am grateful to be alive, aware albeit with memory fading. I know from my toes to my nose that I go to God for God and that is all...for that is all. 

Ah, I am peaced.

Thank you.

IN GRATITUDE, WE GO TO GOD FOR GOD

 And yet again I ponder: I go to God for God, and that is all...for that is all.

That sentence brings peace to my mind, to my Soul if you will.

I go to God for God and that is all...for that is all: The good, the bad, the ugly. the wonderful...all One.

Thank you.

WHEN GOD SPEAKS, LISTEN

Again I am reminded:  If we do not give the love we have, we will never get the love we seek.

Thank you.

LOVE...AND THAT IS ALL, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of September 26, 2017.]

'God Calling,' 9/26/01 Note to Self: When our actions are 'less than' toward others, we are living in two worlds.' Love = One.

What we see is always our self; what we receive is always sent by us to us...it is never her/him/them. There is no her/him/them.

The Father and I are One.

Thank you.

WE GO TO GOD FOR GOD...FOREVER AND ALWAYS

 I am feeling pepper sprayed by unlove...not hate, but, I suspect, fear. The fear of a former friend who has diagnosed me and found me wanting. I cannot say exactly what her diagnosis is since she has not talked with me...just with friends and strangers on streetcorners. 

Apparently, dementia is the word, so there it is out in the open. 

I, of course, have diagnosed the former friend with fear of dementia in that she "sees" it everywhere.

I would say this makes me crazy except....

So, I pray a little prayer for my friend and for me and for all who are feeling attacked by unlove. 

I go to the God of my understanding, and...ever unfailing...He gives me the quiet word again: Love...love...love. 

Thus begins the love we harbor but use only in emergency. Like daily if we ever get gutbucket honest. 

We go to God for God, and that is all...for that is all.

Thank you.

DE-HEADED BY GOD. I

I[The following is a reprint of my post of September 18, 2015.]

Blinding flash of the obvious: Atheists call it "whatever;" theists call It "God."

There is a fine line between those two...take, for instance, pain.

There are those who resist the very idea of pain, of suffering ever for any reason. There are hospitals, mental wards, drug and alcohol rehab facilities...churches!...filled with our kind. We will go to any length to avoid the possibility of our own idea of suffering.

Then there are those of us whose sole goal is to seek still more spiritual growth. When we first hear that the path to God is through pain, we resist...mightily. But, having no choice, we find as we go forward that our suffering is self-inflicted...it is the pain of ego-reduction in depth.

Too often our fear of pain is our imagining the pain of being beheaded by Isis when in fact we are being de-headed by God. The gift of grace through humility is our reward.

Suffering is the ancient law of love; there is no quest without pain, there is no lover who is not also a martyr. -- Heinrich Suso

Thank you.

ON WALKING THROUGH FEAR IN FAITH, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of December 29, 2019.]

Blinding flash of the obvious (as I asked to be relieved of the bondage of self): I must release You from my bondage of self.

It was a great gettin' up morning when I realized that for myself, fear is God in camouflage for nothing turns me to God faster than fear.

The hook, however, is that fear is not lifted. We must walk through our personal fear to God. Ah, but we do not feel the fear as we are walking through for He goes before us making the crooked places straight.

It is I; be not afraid. - John 6:20

Thank you.

ON BEING HEADED HIGHER

 It is more spiritual growth plain and simple that informs our decisions. Trying to spiritually educate our ego is an ego-trip trap...the egoic mind legislates for itself only. (From a previous post.)

As I read that this morning, I realized that is where my thinking has dropped me. I have been wrapped around my ego...trying to spiritualize it, I reckon. 

It is to laugh...I only love it. 

Given half a chance, my ego and I will dig in until we hit pay dirt...God's will, God's way: The Ever Right Answer that we are trying to either improve or disprove. Also known as giving God a grin.

Primarily, that is how my spiritual education has come...from doing it wrong so God could turn me around, head me aright.

According to me, there are no mistakes...only God-gifts that we need to head us toward higher ground. 

God is so good to us...God is so good.

Thank you.

WE ARE NEVER ALONE...THANK YOU, FATHER

 I am beginning my next life-change journey...my last if I'm doing it right.

I am in the process of accepting that I must move from my condo where I have lived for 27 years. I have decorated it to my liking (no easy do) and believed I would die from here. But then I never dreamed I'd live this long...I thought I'd survive to 80 at the latest. 

Well, I hit that flatfoot running and am still going with no known problems. Talk about the good news looking sorry...like me now, pushing 90, still healthy, and all family, friends and neighbors gone to a retirement home or to Heaven. 

SO...it is coming on time for me to move feet, not to mention body and particularly head. Head is resisting. Mightily. It's not fair is a favorite of Head's.

God is so good to me...it is times like these, when I am singing the blues, that God shows me love by reminding me that I am not alone...have never been alone and will never be alone. 

The Father within us carries us 24/7...whether we know it or not. I do know it...I misremember on occasion, but He has my back, slips a hug in, and I'm good to go. 

God is our ever-burning light...we are never alone, we go to God for God, and that is all...for that is all.

Thank. you. 

NO RESISTANCE, NO PROBLEM, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of September 1, 2019.}

Giving of our physical, mental, and emotional resources isn’t usually ego-affirming, but it is a path toward holiness. It’s not what you do that makes you holy. It’s what you allow to be done to you that makes you holy. - Fr Richard Rohr, "Daily Meditation," June 23, 2019

It is what we allow to be done to us for the benefit of others that is the hidden message. The hidden message is the forever message.

The unwritten message of the entire Sermon on the Mount is: We do these things for the benefit of others, for we are God's representative on this earth, and we are dealing with God's representative on this earth. Be ye therefore perfect even as our Father in Heaven is perfect.

This earth is God's proving ground; we are each God's image, each given free will, each being made perfect with the free will of each dictating our terms. Everything happens by invitation only. The sooner we loose it and let it go, the sooner we are freed from the tether of our own will.

All, of course, according to me.

Thank you.

I AM THE BEING OF ALL SAINTS, ALL SINNERS. I

[The following is a reprint of my post of August 9, 2020.]

Blinding flash of the obvious: I am the wolf stalking the night...I am the skunk stinking up the place.

Thoughts flow: I am the wolf stalking the night...I am the skunk stinking up the place. I am the lion whose roar reverberates across the Serengeti...I am the jackal doing the dirt, carrying the water.
I am the soul of my most revered saint, I am the conscience of my most resented enemy...I am the Being of all the saints and sinners in between.

Parents, siblings, friends, enemies, The Church, the employer, lost loves...none get the credit, none get the blame...for each is the wolf stalking the night, the skunk stinking up the place...just as I am.

I Am that I Am.

Thank you.

WE CAN NEVER NOT HAVE GOD, I

[The following is a slightly reworked reprint of my post of August 30, 2013.]

We must be willing to give up getting...but if our objective in giving up is to get, we deny ourselves for there is no God in self-determined objectives.

Our main life objective once was to get God.

That is a reasoning-mind objective and cannot be achieved because we already have God. We cannot not have God. God lives in us, within us.

As we realize that, we have All.

Thank you.

ON BEING 55...SOBERLY JOYOUS AND FREE

Today, August 24, 2026, is my 55th anniversary with and within an Always Available spiritual fellowship that, with the God of my understanding, has made me its own.

I am happy, joyous and free today...even when, not if...my ego is riding herd.

The gift of freedom is that I know my ego can and will drive me...ah, but no longer whenever it wants, but only when I am taken up by self. Thanks to my Always Available friends and the God of my understanding isn't that often today and is short-term. 

Self, ever with us, no longer leads the way, often is the last in line.

Self no longer has a chance at ruining my today...an hour or two, maybe, but not my day.  I live by grace and by God, and I am oh so grateful that I know that, and It shows.

Thank you.

THE SLIVER OF GOLD...THE PEARL BEYOND PRICE

A blinding flash of the obvious from some 45 years ago: Find the sliver of gold in any less-than situation we are met with, then let that sliver of gold lead us free of that less-than situation.

We look not at the trouble...no, we find the sliver of gold in that trouble. 

When we focus on the sliver of gold, our outlook is uplifted. It is spiritually transmuted, gifting us with a feeling not unlike space travel...not to get too fanciful about it.

Ah. the gifts we receive when we go to God for God and that is all. There it is: the pearl beyond price.

Thank you.

WHEN THERE IS ONLY ME...NO WE

Every graced change lives in us...not by memorizing, but by that very grace.

Most things we've learned by rote without the inner message attached simply become words...words we quote and even walk, but rarely if ever give us a spiritual wake-up. 

There it is...the human condition when spirituality is bypassed.  

It becomes personal, i.e., all about us...you, me, them...with crumbs of thank you sprinkled in to keep us feeling peaced. There is little to no spiritual growth in that.

We remember again: We go to God for God, and that is all...for that is all.

Thank you.

THIS PRIVILEGE OF A LIFETIME

The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are. -- Carl Jung

Mercy...that is Truth on the hoof.

As I begin the 55th year of my journey into consciously living this privilege of a lifetime, I ponder how many times we have realized that truth, each time anew...anew meaning more deeply each time, with sideroads on most trips.

It is humbly exhilarating to accept that each realization is complete in and of itself. Each holds a spiritual message for each of us personally, and we are changed with our realization.

Changed by grace and by God with every graced change alive in us always.

Brand new thought: Staying spiritually present is akin to an electric current...except that its jolt is its comfort.

God is ever good to us. God is ever good.

Thank you.

OUR SPIRITUAL NATURE CHANGES US, I

[The following is a slightly reworked reprint of my post of August 24, 2021.]

I sometimes think the hardest thing life asks of us is that we change our mind...particularly when we are certain sure that we are right.

We are brought to a standstill with the realization, yet again, that we cannot by self-will alone change our mind when we don't want to. We have learned that just changing our words...as in, agree just to shut the other up...has no spiritual core and is simply inviting a resentment to settle in, take root and bloom.

We must go to the God of our own understanding...Higher Power, Providence, whatever name fits our understanding...and, in trust, turn our thoughts over to It. We pray not for the generic Gertrude, not for a cure for cancer or covid, not for peace everlasting...God has our needs already taken care of.

We pray to get nothing, no future goodies...we pray for what we have, just as it is. We pray thank you, and that is All. Thank you hands it off, and our very own spiritual nature is set free from our reasoning mind. There. Our spiritual nature changes our mind.

 
The further gift, the pearl beyond price: Spiritual nature is the light within that shines before our world that others may see, and in seeing, realize their spiritual nature, and give their thanks to the Father. The quiet word to give over, give up, give in begins to shine...no longer a self-determined objective, it has been transmuted, and thank you is now the quiet word.

You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hid. Nor do men light a lamp and put it under a bushel, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.-- Matthew 5:14

Thank you.

WE GO TO GOD FOR GOD...PERIOD

 We go to God for God, and that is all...for that is all. 

Again and again that prayer comes to me...singing hallelujah and bringing me peace.

Thank you.

ON BEING THE PEACE WE SEEK, I

[The following is a reprint of an earlier post of mine.]

As we start our life's journey, we learn free will is a gift from God which often reasoning mind accepts as "want-to" permission. We soon interpret that, "want-to with permission," as ego having free will for its very own playground.

 
It is the journey we choose to walk that determines our life. Do we choose to use or to misuse our free will? Our choice, our trip. Cling to "my will, not thine" or exchange it? Our choice, our trip. Ego driven or God led? Our choice, our trip.

It is more spiritual growth plain and simple that informs our decision. Trying to spiritually educate our ego is an ego-trip trap...the egoic mind legislates for itself only.

Our spiritual growth bares fruit when we let ego be ego. We don't fight it, even those times when we use it to get our way. That's why we've got laughter as our fallback...for when we show our world we are still human, still futzing, and still needing God so that we still be laughing.

Ah, but answered prayer comes when nothing but God will crack our resistance...and, almost surprised, we know it. We welcome it with our thank you.

Maybe this is why God gave us free will. When we can turn from our want-to in any form, and welcome God's perfect will in any form, we will be the peace we seek.

Thank you.

JUDGE NOT

The dualistic mind cannot deal with the biggies: love, death, suffering, God, infinity, and the very notion of grace....It will simply jump to the next thing because the dualistic mind is always moving toward resolution. It loves closure and rushes toward judgment. That’s why all great spiritual teachers said, 'Do not judge.' -- Fr Richard Rohr, Daily Meditation, May 31, 2026    

LOOKING FORWARD TO THE END...JOYFULLY

 I am reminded yet again: I go to God for God, and that is all.

I've arrived at the latest...and apparently last...stage of my life on this planet. I am being neither dour nor self-pitying when I think, and not a minute too soon.

I've needed to think this through...in depth...and I am satisfied that I am anticipating in wonder the next stage of God's plan not just for me but for us...for All.

I've come to joyfully accept that each stage is for our good, but it is how we perceive the good that actually plots our life  

And there it is: The pot of gold at the end of our life's rainbow is in our perception.

Say that each of us sees the same one thing, I perceive less than, you perceive pot of gold. That perception, when seen spiritually, i.e, through God's eyes, turns our once rough and rugged road into the promised path to milk and honey.

We go to God for God and that is all, for that is All.

Thank you.

THE GRACE OF SELF-ACCEPTANCE, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of July 22, 2016.]

Self-acceptance, like forgiveness, cannot be self-willed. We must go to God in humble skin to thank him for his blessings...whatever they may be. We can and will in God's good time be graced with the discovery that we have had the gift of self-acceptance within us all along.

The saddest thing is to be graced with self-acceptance and then to squander it on pride of self. Pride of self holds tight to our gift so others may admire and emulate...us.

God's gifts are freely given, but they require constant vigilance in order to keep them. Which we can only do by giving them away.

God in his goodness is really clever...and my ego Lucy still tries to get over on him. Which, according to me, cracks God up.

Thank you.

NOW WE MUST DO GOD'S WILL, GOD'S WAY

We say again and yet again, and then again: We go to God for God, and that is all...for that is all.

Ah, we say...now we must do, i.e., get crackin'.

Thank you.

GOD IS EVER WITH US WITHIN US

I have been in a state of fear...well, truth to tell, I'm still a tish fearful. I have the fear that I am losing my mind...which in fact, I am, but I realize I am not "losing" my mind, my mind is being exchanged. 

I am experiencing old-age forgetfulness. Which, I warn all old/long timers, is not anything like it used to be. Face it, we got old, we didn't get stupid. In our youth, we watched, learned, laughed at our parents as they were aging. 

If we paid close attention, however, we came to accept that this would be heading our way. too. 

Well, it's here. 

Time, however, has changed its characteristics. We thought aging would require us to just do as the parents did, so we had memorized and felt safe. 

Old age is here, and it is 2026...a far cry from 1956. Almost nothing I learned and held as my insurance for "doing it right" is useable today. Face it, that is off-putting not to mention scarifying. This, however, is where the old comes new...feel the fear and do it anyway is as good and true today as it ever was.

I'm living with my memory taking short breaks, my mind feeling scrambled, my fear doing whatever it wants that doesn't feel helpful. Ah...but I am writing my blog even as I pray my thank You. 

 I am still, always, forever grateful from my toes to my nose that God has me, you, us, them and all animals in the palm of His hand.

Thank you. 

GO WITH GOD AND GRIN AGAIN

 I am reminded yet again: I go to God for God and that is all...for that is all.

I also have a worry trying to make its home in my mind. The worry being that I'm probably going to need to move...to leave this home of mine that I've lived in for over a quarter of a century. Well, there it is: Me trying to scare me with a dreaded possibility. 

For whatever reasons, back-ass-wards as they may be...when I'm dreading and delaying, I get me in motion by inviting my worst fear to do my thinking for me. This is not planned...and I only realized that's what I do fairly recently. The fact is, it works, and at this late date in my life, anything that works for me is mine.

I'd best get clear honest...my main worry is not that I'm probably going to need to move. My worries are that I have dementia, that it is taking control of my life, and I have already lost control of my thinking.

Which really ticks me off. I am in my 80s! I thought I'd be long dead by now. Not only am I alive, but I'm also reasonably well...no known cancer or other life-threatening disease. 

Today, no known illness is not the good news! In my earlier years it was, but today, pushing 90...90!!!...I am less than comforted by that. I am the last member of my family still alive...not alive and well, but alive! With my luck I just might live to be 100...in what world is that good news?

I do have friends...need I say, not as many as I once did since I'm outliving them, too! 

Oh, this is just a screed on the joys of self-pity. All I really need do is get over myself...and p.d.q.

God is so good to me...he lets me wallow in my own crap then gives me his viewpoint, and I grin. God's got the answer...I go with God and grin again.

Thank you.

THE JOY WE FIND IN HOPE

This morning the fear of dementia in my life hovered over me. I recalled all the reminders to love, love our enemy, love our fear...kiss it on the lips.

It is very hard to honestly love the fear of dementia. I do not know if I have dementia, but I do know my fear of it is causing me to forget a lot.

Julian of Norwich was my today's reading. The first thing I read was: Julian of Norwich was especially aware of the joyful character of hope. 

There. God just handed me hope.

The more faithfully and hopefully we respond to God’s love in our life, the greater will be the fullness of our joy. -- Thomas Merton

Thank you.

TO LET IT BE IS GRACE, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of May 30, 2015.]

Life's perfect answer...love and laugh...is in my face right now and has been for a while. Today, I received a temporary add-on...learn.

Love - to consciously live a life in acceptance.
Laugh - no matter how "it" looks, because we live in acceptance, we can laugh.
Learn - this is labeled "temporary" because it is the daily discipline necessary to develop a consciousness of acceptance so that we can laugh at our reaction to whatever comes. 

Laughing, we learn, is simply not taking our self too seriously when we do meet a life's "oh-no." A child's illness, for instance, or a friend's betrayal, a foe's superiority...or Alzheimer's. Within, they are all the same...us trying yet again to take control from God.

What is, is. To let it be is grace.

Thank you.

PREACH NO MORE...DO!

My life today...or right now...feels at sixes and sevens.

I remind me: I go to God for God, and that is all...for that is all.

Then my head returns to nattering. 

I am finally at that stage of life I used to hear about, and it'd go over my head like a hairnet. Face it,  we cannot know how the future feels until we're living in that future...now known as the present.

The grand and glorious news is: I feel no fear...not even apprehension. If I must find a word, I'd say curious fits me best today. I feel curious as to how I will meet and greet my future.

Breaking that down, I feel curious as to how I will meet today. Truth to tell, I have a nattering within me to go back to bed...to go to sleep...in other words to not deal.

I can do that. And, later, I will regret that.

Why borrow regrets?

I go to God for God and that is all. If I choose to live that which I preach, I'd best get crackin'. 

Reminder: To get crackin' is simply to change my mind. 

Upgrade my thinking to thank You and that is all.

Preach no more...thank You.

Thank you. 

ON LIVING OUR FAITH...DAILY

 Another blinding flash...it seems I have faith...deep faith...until I actually need it.

As I trundle forward daily, I meet the usual stumbles, bumbles and yucks, and in general take them in stride. 

I believed from my toenails up that God had me in the palm of His hand, I was safe.

Dementia...the fear of my own dementia...surely and purely put a spin on that. 

Face it, dementia is easier to accept when we're seeing it in another, ah, but hard to love when we fear we're experiencing it.  

That's the nut of my current hard time, and what an understatement. I feel pea-green-purple petrified, not to put too fine a point on it. I may, or I may not, have dementia. For certain sure, I do have fear of it. 

I remind myself of all the wonderful quotes; i.e., feel the fear and do it anyway...but when It is my fear, that's one tall order. 

There. That's another good reason why God is in my life...is essential to life if we are to live in a sane and sensible manner. Sane and sensible are spiritually based we slowly learn, and learning apparently only comes by way of Oh, no lived repeatedly.

I am living now in a state of apprehensive conjecture...which is fear prettied up. 

But I am living it, praying thank You, and moving forward; for today, that is close enough to perfect for me.

Thank you.

ON BEING LED FREE OF ME, I

 [The following is a reprint of my post of December 30, 2018.]

If what our life is showing at the moment seems to be less than wonderful, recall...again...that God knows our needs.

What we are getting is what we are needing for our still more spiritual growth according to who and what we are inside where God lives. Where we keep digging, trying to get to that which is still unknown to us, is just another room in God's hidey-hole.

God knows, and he is sending out clues. Those are the things we keep rejecting and pushing aside and calling by another's name. No. They are our very own, and when we recognize them for our very own, we will break free...free of me.

It is in the breaking down of our self, not breaking the defect but our resistance to the defect, that will free us from the bondage of self.

Face it...without those we curse, we might never walk free. Those we curse are leading us free of our own self. Get grateful...be thankful.

In my Father's house are many mansions.... John 14:2

Thank you.

LOVE IT AND LAUGH...AH, PERFECT PEACE

[He] is saying that it is possible, if we could drop down to the very bottom of the sea (an image of paradise), we would see that we’re already infinitely safe. We’re already the beloved, and as the beloved, we’re already beyond being compromised or threatened by anything because of God’s infinite love for us. We are bonded unconditionally in his love. The mystical realization is the realization of that. -- "Daily Meditation," May 16, 2026

Ah, there's our forever comfort. The thought that we are already infinitely safe comes to us by word, spoken and written, on a daily basis...if we choose to see.

So, my current fear, with the grace of gratitude and just for today, I leave you to God. Apparently, you are God's will for me, thus you are my will for me. 

No doubt, we'll visit again tomorrow for how else do we learn to love it and laugh?

God is so good to me...to us.

Thank you.

QUIT TALKING, START WALKING

I cannot afford...spiritually, mentally, physically...to get in a resistance match with anyone. Resist not evil as ever is the goal by which I choose to live.

Lord, hear my prayer...thank You.

There is turmoil going on around me and with my name on it without my even entering the fray..., and I pray my thank You that I do not. 

From my own experience, I trust that I am doing, living, being Thy will, Thy way which does not align with others' opinions of what I "should" be doing. I go to God for God and that is all.

I do not use/drive my car very much or go very far...ah, but that no doubt is what my friend thought as she continued to drive long after her diagnosis of dementia. I note she just recently totaled her car and is now Ubering.

I can start talking/sharing with a friend about going with me to turn my leased car in...Thy will, Thy way.

I best not plan on "doing" today as this is already declared to be a "dangerous heat" day. What is my action plan then? 

Do something about something was my first lesson learned...and lives today as a reminder/warning. Again, those are just words until I quit the talk and start the walk.

Oh rats...answered prayer: Do the wash...it is overdue. 

Thank you.  

ON OUR EXCHANGED MIND

 Free floating thought: My mind is not going to be 'changed,' it has already been exchanged. 

I feel like I am going backward...forgetting, feeling that I cannot trust my own self, that I need 'a keeper'...the Lord I knew and relied on seems to be no more.

Ah, my acceptance of 'reverse' is now my way, the Lord I 'knew' is the same Lord; it is my 'reverse' knowledge of Him that is living me now.

I no longer live by my will, but by grace and by God. When it is decided what, when, where that I do...I do. (The majority of the time, thank You.)

Quandry led me to UNcertainty, my rightful place, and I see...we seem to be always in search of the 'right' answer which is of 'self'...there is no God in that. 

To live by grace and by God is to live unknowing, faithfully.

With the just-realized "death" of my brain, I know not...yet I fear not. 'I fear' is my unplanned invitation to God for God's will, God's way.

Thank you.

ON THE PROVING OF TRUTH, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of December 22, 2019.]

Forgiveness is pretty much like spiritual growth...it seems talking about it lessens it. We can never capture its essence, and the more we try, i.e., talk, the less it means.

I have experienced my own forgiveness of another when I didn't even know that was what was happening. In sharing with friends later, the facts invited unanswerable questions. Human nature being such as it is of course I tried to answer...and left most everybody thinking, "Whaaa?"

Forgiveness, akin to life itself, is best worn like a loose garment. The closer we try to hold it, the more ephemeral it becomes...at which point ego claims squatters rights, and we're left scratching our head again.

Quick thought...it's like our belief in God. Up in our head, we can never be sure enough...sure enough that our belief is good enough, honest enough, pure enough. We doubt our own belief even knowing the right words, facts...personal experiences, for heaven's sake.

We will ever doubt even as we believe. Maybe that is the proof of Jesus as the Christ...he did not doubt...by his life and death, he proved.

Thank you.

THE NEW COLOSSUS GONE BEGGING, I

[The following is a reprint of my blog of December 29, 2023.]

'The New Colossus' by Emma Lazarus

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me:
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

We come again to our need to recall the promise of America to the "wretched refuse" of other teeming shores.

Again, and yet again, we trample that promise without so much as a backward glance as we roll on...and who cares if we're going in the right direction? We're strutting our stuff, showing 'em how it's done...and who cares if we do not have a clue our own self? Throw another log on the fire.

I miss Kate Smith singing "God Bless America," and America standing with its hand over its heart and tears of gratitude in its eyes.

Father, forgive us for we know not what we do.

Thank you.

ON WALKING THROUGH FEAR IN FAITH, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of December 29, 2019.]

Blinding flash of the obvious (as I asked to be relieved of the bondage of self): I must release You from my bondage of self.

It was a great gettin' up morning when I realized that, for myself, fear is God in camouflage for nothing turns me to God faster than fear.

The hook, however, is that fear is not lifted. We must walk through our personal fear to God. Ah, but we do not feel the fear as we are walking through for He goes before us making the crooked places straight.

It is I; be not afraid. - John 6:20

Thank you.

ALL-IN-ALL...GOD, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of July 31, 2014.]

It is hard for me to remember and to hold onto the fact that my mind, body and spirit feel hindered right now.

I know not why, but I am blessed with the thought:

God-hungered
God-starved
God-fed
God-led

Thank you.

WE GO TO GOD FOR GOD

The bottom line is that everybody has enough.****Trying to understand it with your mind, you’ll never get it. -- Cynthia Bourgeault, "Daily Meditation," June 11, 2026

Trying to understand it, "it" being anything, with our mind alone will keep us stuck in self, and never truly understanding.

We go to God for God and that is all--ah, there is the clarifier.

Thank you.

FOR OTHERS...LOVE UNLEASHED, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of June 28, 2016.]

God's home is within us for others. God lives within us for others. His home is within my heart, my soul, my body and my brain for the benefit of others.

We can read, ponder and pontificate till our face falls off, but it is our works, our selfless works, our care and concern for other than self that brings us the unattainable by our self's efforts...we are gifted by grace.

Gifted by grace means we give up the struggle to make that happen. Or even to understand it...it is love unleashed.

The space in between knowing that and doing that is life itself. According to me.

Thank you.

INTENTIONAL...THE POWER OF PURPOSE

,,,, without intentional spiritual formation and maturity, power, fear, and spectacle will train the soul faster than truth will. -- "Richard Rohr Daily Meditation," April 15, 2026

There. The quiet word laid out in black and white. The quiet word being intentional. 

We intentionally go to God for God and that is all. That is not a blinding flash dropped from the Blue...that is on purpose...on purpose we go to God for God and that is all.

That on purpose is and has been for some 50 years now my sole goal...whether I gutbucket knew it or not.

For this I seek...freedom from self's fear and spectacle.

I go to God for God and that is all.

Thank you.

TO KNOW LOVE...THE PEARL BEYOND PRICE

The hallmark of this [kingdom] awareness is that it sees no separation—not between God and humans, not between humans and other humans. -- "Fr Richard Rohr Daily Meditation," June 9, 2026

From my eyebrows up, I get this. I think I accept it fully, but that brings me flat up against the fact that one has not "accepted" if one is left wondering, questioning, "how?" and "what does this really mean?" In particular: "How do I make this my own?"

Lately, I notice that almost every spiritually based question I have has but one answer: We go to God for God, and that is all.

Given the space, God can and will fill in the answer....it is our job and/or privilege to give God the space. We give over, give up, give in, and God has us in the palm of His hand. 

I have experienced the truth of those words a few times, but those few times have changed my life. 

Today, when I find me in a human-life quandary, I go to God for God which does not remove the quandary...better than that: my mind is peaced.

There, the pearl beyond price: My mind is peaced...and I know love.

Thank you.

THE MIND ALONE WILL NEVER GET US THERE

The bottom line is that everybody has enough. *** Trying to understand it with your mind, you’ll never get it.... Cynthia Bourgeault, "Fr Richard Rohr, Daily Meditation," June 11, 2026

When I read "everybody has enough," my head, my heart my Soul shouted Amen! That I have enough has for a long time now been my mental safety net. 

Back in the '80s when I had what I call the care and feeding of the IRS, I intuitively knew that I had enough, would always have enough. I knew I could and would be able to feed and house my beloved dog and me...and I did not know that by the evidence in my bank account which was reading zero. 

I did get through that period without needing to beg, borrow or steal. I had a job, I made the deal the IRS presented, and I was moved on to my next level...learning the art of spiritual love. Or, learning to feel love for others when the response feels less that loving. 

I can see...but cannot yet do without serious effort...the need is to take nothing personally. Acceptance in a word. 

As Bourgeault wrote, Trying to understand it with your mind, you’ll never get it.

Thank you.

TO FIND OUR FATHER WITHIN, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of June 30, 2018,]

What if Donald Trump is our Saul of Tarsus? As in Saint Paul before his involuntary conversion.

What if that's you and me? What if we're all Saul, rigid, righteous and right, before involuntary or voluntary conversion? According to me, some of us crash and burn leaving no place to turn but to a power greater than ourselves; some of us are born seeking a higher power and some just stumble onto it. It makes no never mind how we get there, get there we must...again, according to me.

Will we open our mind to the possibility of it?...to the possibility that we are Trump in disguise...or Pruitt...or Hillary! Are we willing to find within our own self that part of them we are repulsed by, to seek for that identity in order to release it...loose it and let it go...and find our Father within?

Until we do, we will be tied to our own repugnant thoughts...calling our own thoughts Trump, Pruitt, Hillary, et al. 

Those thoughts will grow...but we won't.

Thank you.

A LITTLE HAND MIRROR, I

[The following is a reprint of my blog of November 21, 2012.]

So I'm talking with God this morning, and He says, "I'll tell you what you need...you need a little hand mirror to carry with you at all times. That way you'll always be able to see immediately and exactly who and what your problem is."

That was such a good idea that I immediately thought of all the people I needed to give a little hand mirror to....

Thank you.

ON BEING...JUST BE

[Spiritual growth] is all about being who you are....here’s the first step: Know who you are. Be who you are. Be the person God created you to be. -- Fr Richard Rohr, "Daily Meditation," June 5, 2026

I go to God for God, and that is all keeps playing in my mind. I received that as a blinding flash of the obvious a while back. It plays in and through me regularly...for which I am grateful.

The fact of the matter though...I go to God with thank You the majority of the time. There's my comfort... knowing I have turned me over to the care of our Father which art in Heaven. 

Leaving me there is my spiritual growth. 

Thank you.

A BLINDING FLASH OF THE OBVIOUS, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of December 2, 2025.]

Know this: Our problem is never the named thing; it is fear of the named thing. -- 8/24/24 BFO

That blinding flash of the obvious was the Spirit's gift to me on my anniversary in 2024.

I posted it then; I posted it again as noted, and I post it now. Clearly, I love it.

Thank you.

THE GIFT OF GRATITUDE, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of June 29, 2017.]

Today my plan is to take a risk...a personal, inside, no-big-deal-to-you-but-huge-to-me risk.

As I opened my "God Calling," the words with God all things are possible were there before me. It just so happens that seemingly every time I have a challenge to meet, those words are given to me, and sometimes from the most unlikely places.

It's not surprising I'd find them in "God Calling" but on this particular day with no preplan or thought? When in doubt, assume the best is my mantra...my risk just transmuted into God's will which makes it feel less risky. Thank you, Lord.

Now, even if my action turns out less than wonderful to my ego's eyes, I can know God's hand was in it...meaning, there will be bennies. I'll get to sit and wait on the Lord.

If the results are close enough to wonderful, I'll have the gift of gratitude to wrap me in...no better feeling.

God is so good to me.

Thank you.

ON WALKING THROUGH FEAR IN FAITH, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of December 29, 2019.]

Blinding flash of the obvious (as I asked to be relieved of the bondage of self): I must release You from my bondage of self.

It was a great gettin' up morning when I realized that for myself, fear is God in camouflage for nothing turns me to God faster than fear.

The hook, however, is that fear is not lifted. We must walk through our personal fear to God. Ah, but we do not feel the fear as we are walking through for He goes before us making the crooked places straight.

It is I; be not afraid. - John 6:20

Thank you.

THE GRACE OF GRATITUDE

The infinite expanse of who we are is a place to offer our own unfixed and unmixed attention, a place of prayer, a place where the contemplative life thrives.-- "Daily Meditation," June 3, 2026

Being who we are, who I am, is a long-time, mind-changing, life-changing act of self will and spiritual will wove together as One.

I am in my 80s now, and at times it will take by-grace-and-by-God for me to comfortably be who I am in- and outside my very Me.

I am comfortable being me the majority of the time, but the times that I feel...let's call it antsy...get my fuller attention. I have learned to accept that God-thoughts slip in without pre-knowledge or consent, often are resisted, but once realized, are always for me...for my spiritual-growth benefit.

I am in that space now...brought to me by age, accident (a fall), and spiritual growth (whereby I leaned on everything happens for my benefit...resist not evil being the key).

I no longer need remind me to go to God for God and that is all. I am comfortable recognizing that is my Place in the Sun today. And I am grateful.

Thank you.

FEELING FEAR, I WALK WITH GOD

I was becoming more and more open to letting the spirit of God breathe through me and make me new. Therein is the source of real personal change, evolution, and transformation, and it’s never ending…. The Rt. Rev. Michael Curry, "Daily Meditation," June 2, 2026

As I reread the Curry quote, I realize that may well be what I am experiencing, letting the spirit of God breathe through me.

Only it hurts.

I feel as filled with anxiety as I have ever felt. I thought that was the inside boil that would be lanced...painlessly...and I would feel healed, thus whole.

Well, I don't.

I am shaking like an Aspen, stomach tight and growing tighter, heart pounding.

Whoa! Blinding flash: I 'see' Jesus going to his crucifixion...no one knows for certain sure what His inner thoughts were. It may well be He was shaking like an Aspen, etc., but He did not falter, He did not fail to continue His walk with God to His destiny.

Feeling fear, I walk with God...He knows my name.

Thank you.

WORST FEAR INVITES GOD'S WILL AND WAY

Applying binary logic to assess or judge the infinite variables of human experience is illogical. —Larry B., "Daily Meditation," June 1, 2026

Trying to open oneself to the infinite variables of human experience is still self-will driving the bus. 

Trying is the giveaway...trying is our self in control, inviting is our willingness to hear God.

I am feeling scared right now...scared of Thy will, Thy way. I am in my new level of spiritual growth, and I feel abandoned, threatened, all alone. 

Feel the fear and do it anyway floats by. I fear I am losing my mind...blinding flash: and I am. 

Comes the quiet word: All I need do is accept that losing my mind is simply changing my mind. 

I fear my life will now be me seeking others' aid and assistance and being dependent on that. 

Now I get to believe that as so, thus for my good. By grace and by God.

Thank you. 

THE SPIRITUAL LEARNING PROCESS

I hear myself saying over and over, God, you've just gottta help me.

This morning I intuited, Stacey, you've just gotta let Me.

I remind myself that I go to God for God and that is all, but I suspect those words have become just words...words I repeat, repeatedly, so their meaning is akin to dust in the wind...more of an irritation than an aid.

I realize, also, that I find myself repeating, repeatedly, Lord, hear my prayer. I have never asked that God help me hear him, his response. 

I begin to understand: This is the spiritual learning process. The feeling that we are going nowhere, getting no God-attention. This may just be the winding road to God's ear...out of self into Self. 

I'll accept it as such until further enlightenment opens to me.

God is so good to me...to us.

Thank you. 

NOTHING LEFT FOR WHICH TO WISH, I

[The following is a reprint, slightly reworked, of my post of April 29, 2018.]

The crucifixion of the self is accomplished when there is nothing left for which we wish to pray. -- Joel Goldsmith, "The Heart of Mysticism," at p. 377

If that be true, then it follows that the road to ego deflation in depth is accomplished by letting go of our self-determined objectives, i.e., our wants...no matter how pretty we dress our wants.

Which is close enough for me to what in the 15th century Meister Eckhart espoused: If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, that would suffice.

Thank you.

TO FEEL FEAR IS TO INVITE GOD'S WILL

When we open up space for the Spirit and let the Spirit fill that space within us, we begin to change.... --Brian McLaren, "Daily Meditations," May 29, 2026

I felt joy when I read McLaren's quote. As I pondered that, I was stopped by a loud Uh-Oh, and I realized that we begin to change was the promise and the warning both at the same time. On the one hand, Spirit says, for the better, and reasoning mind says, fear is here, hunker down.

Right now, I am in my reasoning mind, and I feel fear...fear of losing my mind. I feel paralyzed with fear in that I don't seem to be able to do anything, as in to actually move to get the test I've been nattering myself about getting. That's the test for cognitive disorder...for whatever reason, cognitive disorder feels softer to me than dementia...the very word stabs my worried-zone.  

This panic attack started earlier, around 4:00 AM, and it has been flitting in and out since...it is 8:00 AM now. I do not shame, blame or pity...I go to God for God and this is His answer. That is my truth that I get to deal with just as it is...for my benefit. 

I go to God for God and that is all, for that is All.

Now, feel the fear and keep on truckin'...with the grace of God and gratitude.

Thank you.

GOD INDWELLING IS.... I

[The following is a reprint of my post of  May 31, 1995.]

Jesus became a highly contrived problem-solver for our own guilt and fear (a problem that was inevitable if God was not indwelling) instead of the Archetypal Blueprint for what God has been doing all the time and everywhere. -- Fr. Richard Rohr, "Daily Meditation," May 31, 1995

There. That parenthetical phrase, "(a problem that was inevitable if God was not indwelling)," explains everything...according to me.

God indwelling is the driver, producer, agent of our soul, always using our own chosen tools, i.e., defects of character or personal assets, to get us where we need to be for our still more spiritual growth...no matter how ego-shattering it looks and feels to us and/or our world.

I am the source of all my woes; I am the good I seek.

Thank you.

WE MUST FEEL THE FEAR TO RELEASE IT

Father Richard envisions the Holy Spirit as the loving immensity of God’s presence within us.,,,You must contact this Immensity! ...You must know that this Immensity is already within you. The only thing separating you from such Immensity is the ego. -- "Father Richard Rohr's Daily Meditation," May 27, 2026

I am again at the place of intense anxiety (that always feels like the first time)...fear on the hoof, galloping free rein within me. It tells me to fall back, go for cover, hide...all the while I am knowing from my eyebrows up that I must go further. 

I must feel the fear and do it anyway. The "it" is my life just as it is presenting itself to me Now.

I keep being whisked back in memory to me, living in my first five years which is fairly close to my feeling today.  Solid fear...anxiety up the gump-stump, which, with God as my Guide, I walked through. 

 

You must contact this Immensity...there it is, my marching orders which are seldom as I envision them. I must contact this Immensity...go to God for God and that is all. 

I feel no peace, my heart beats harder, my breath comes in gasps...this is panic on the hoof. There are no shortcuts to God's will, God's way...and it takes as long as it takes.

All this I must feel all the way through to the other side...to my Immensity. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

You must contact this Immensity!

Thank you.

GRATEFULLY, WE GO TO GOD FOR GOD

So, dementia, with the grace of gratitude and just for today, I leave you to God. If you are God's will for me, then you are my will for me. No doubt, we'll visit again tomorrow...."With Grace, We Welcome the Unwelcome," my blog of May 19, 2026 

Such good advice, so difficult to do. 

It is akin to the quiet word we once received, i.e., we go to God for God, and that is all. 

Again, we note that is a toughie...when we are feeling pea-green-purple terrified, we know the specific that needs lifted, banished, erased from our life, from our consciousness. The idea that we need to welcome it feels like the devil doing his dance in our ear.

There it is, why we spent so much time and effort on our still more spiritual growth. When blind-sided by self-centered fear, the holy whisper is there for us...it is our choice to go with It or stay with fear. 

Hard lesson learning: It is God that makes our choice...only God knows when we are truly ready. We are comforted with the reminder to resist not evil for God uses that, too, for our benefit.

Gratefully, we go to God for God, and that is all.

Thank you.

FEAR...GOD'S GIFT TO ME

Blinding flash of the obvious: Fear is God's gift to me for it turns me to Him faster than thought.

I am still living in the anxiety attack I've written about this past week. Clearly, it is not an attack which I think of as quick and terrorizing in the moment. 

Ah, I am living in anxiety from which I got my BFO... ergo, good and of God.

It is comforting to realize these truths, but they do not slow my fast-beating heart... a God gift that holds my feet to the fire to ensure I stay to learn His will, His way for me. 

It is clear that I am given to running the other way, but God ever has better for me. I go to God...dragging foot but moving forward. God is so good to me.

Thank you.

TO WANT TO WANT GOD AND THAT IS ALL

...until we know and rely on [God], and until we call upon, share, and love [God], we’re just going along for the ride. --Fr Richard Rohr. "Daily Meditation," May 24,2026  

According to me, we can't want God in order to fulfill our material needs...we must want God for Itself and that is all.

That is and has been my hardest reach. 

I want to want God and only God, but it seems there is ever an urgent "need" that steps in front and demands attention. Even my self-determined spiritual growth is not purely of God being self determined. 

Blinding flash of the obvious: When self is driving the bus, self is first on the bus...God is first one welcomed after.

Mercy, that's a sobering flash...but not new to me. What else have I been striving for all these years but the God of my own understanding...and that is all. 

Thank you. 

SIMPLIFY, SIMPLY SIMPLIFY, I

[The following is a slightly reworked reprint of my post of May 26, 2019.]

Boy, did I get a blinding flash of the obvious this morning: Keep it simple. Simplify. Stop with the trying to make Shinola outta s**t. 

When Meister Eckhart said the answer is in subtracting, not adding on, he was talking simplify...simply simplify. When we are told that the answer is in detaching all that means is SIMPLIFY. 

Keep it simple, stupid, means keep it simple, stupid.

And then I read Fr Richard Rohr's "Daily Meditation" with the Word: Remember, the only thing that separates you from God is the thought that you are separate from God!

Thank you.

ACCEPTING THE GIFT...AH, THERE IT IS

Each moment is an opportunity to practice contemplation, to see things as they are, and to receive the gift of divine presence. -- Father Richard Rohr, "Daily Meditation," May 22, 2026

We are given the opportunity...ah, but how often do we accept the gift? What is the first thought we have on being the opportunity to practice any new thing?

Being given that opportunity often brings the feeling of trepidation...fear of failure, looking the fool. That is ego on the move; just knowing that does not stop ego. That is usually our first stumbling block...when confronted, ego often speaks louder than good sense.

To quote Amy Frykholm, the practice of 'beholding' anything takes desire and discipline -- and what is 'beholding' but contemplation or deep reflective thought?

Ah, we know these truths, but how well do we live them? 

I have learned to give credit for every second that my mind is reflecting God's will, God's way...too often that is just a second, but it counts!

We go to God for God, and that is All.

Thank you.

ALL IS WELL...NOW TO LET THAT BE MY TRUTH

Julian of Norwich: All will be well, and all manner of things will be well.

I feel like I am suffering the tortures of the damned...high anxiety or fear of dementia? or, blinding flash of the obvious, high anxiety from fear of dementia.

Lord, hear my prayer: Thank You.

Thank you.

ON MOVING BENEATH REASON INTO SPIRITUAL

We have to move beyond recited, formulaic, and social prayers to bring the mind down into the heart. -- Fr Richard Rohr's "Daily Meditation," May 20, 2026

Early on I received the gift of reverse blessing, i.e, recognizing that the scary appearing life events that come into our reasoning mind's eyes are blessings in disguise.

I received that gift fairly early in my spiritual growth, and it has never ceased growing deeper...truer...within me.

No doubt that is how I learned to say thank You to whatever my consciousness received. It began with my resisting the admonition to resist not evil. How could I not resist that? I've often called that the dark night of my soul...I arm-wrestled with that for as long as it took for me to hear and my heart to welcome it.

That was my great gettin' up morning when my Sun began to shine.

It shines still...I feel it particularly warm when my reasoning mind gets ahead of itself, and determines what is wrong with my world that I need to fix...now.

That's me...giving God a grin. I suspect that's how I now live fret-free...not that fret doesn't visit on occasion, it just doesn't stay long.

That's when I am reminded to move beyond recited, formulaic, and social prayers to bring the mind down into the heart.

Thank you.

WITH GRACE, WE WELCOME THE UNWELCOME

The more faithfully and hopefully we respond to God’s love in our life, the greater will be the fullness of our joy. -- Thomas Merton

I take heart that Merton wrote the more hopefully we respond to God's love. 

I have felt secure in my belief in God's love for what seems like a long time, but actually only in the last 20 or so years have I begun to entertain the possibility of God's personal love for me. 

I have learned not to quibble over uncertain possibilities...I believe that God is love, thus He loves All. It is walking that fact down the road of what ifs and uh-ohs that we learn true welcome. I doubt there is much that turns us to God faster than the uncertain outcome of a personally perceived need.

From my eyebrows up, I want to feel assured that I do not have, nor will I ever have, dementia. 

The good news is I am not married to that want...there have been too many things that I prayed to happen or to not happen that came to me in the exact reverse of my prayer...with each turning out to be my pearl beyond price. God's will, God's way, my blessing in disguise. 

So dementia, with the grace of gratitude and just for today, I leave you to God. If you are God's will for me, then you are my will for me. No doubt, we'll visit again tomorrow.

Thank you.

ON THE RUGGED ROAD WITH GOD'S WILL

We’re already the beloved, and as the beloved, we’re already beyond being compromised or threatened by anything because of God’s infinite love for us. *** The mystical realization is the realization of that. --Julian of Norwich

Beginning in February of this year, 2026, it seems that my life began living me: I am experiencing my life, my every minute breathing in and out, as living me.

Yesterday, I was guided to a weekly food-and-fun get together which I have never attended for no reason other than I have no interest in it. I had no personal interest in it yesterday, but I was guided to attend, and I don't say Nay to the Guide.

From my eyebrows up, I felt nothing, but my inner self knew to stay...to let my life live whatever came. 

Nothing came.

Ah, but I still have the inner feeling, the knowing, that I learned...I do not need to know what I learned with all the commas and periods in place for I will. I will know when I am ready to know. as in when I am looking back and seeing God's will in my life.

I am being led right this minute even as I am shrugging my way through. 

Either we believe in God, in all the miracles of God as promised, known and unknown, or we are still steeped in self-knowledge...which, spiritually, avails us nothing.

My fear is that I have dementia; my faith is if dementia is God's will for me, I welcome it. 

Our destiny needs us to stay, with gratitude and grace, on the rugged road to God's will, God's way.

Thank you.

TRUST GOD AND REMAIN WILLING

Creation and cosmos belong to everyone—and no one—and it calls us to a larger consciousness of expanded love. -- Julian of Norwich 

Ah, a larger consciousness of expanded love. There...life's marching orders repeated. 

My note in my daily reader: Whatever is mine by grace and by God, I welcome...fear of dementia, or dementia itself (or simply my old friend nerves), I welcome.

Big (God) change: I welcome my recent betrayer back into my life...we are all too old, too needy, too honest to live in an attitude of spite and malice...payback is for sissies, too afraid to trust God's will, God's way.

Further, I need beware of self-determined objectives...I see me running to my former betrayer and hugging him, thus "proving" my superior spiritual nature. I need to just be friendly, hug if a hug is called for, force nothing.  

Trust God, be willing and keep on truckin'. 

Thank you. 

THE GIFT OF HOPE

This morning the fear of dementia hovered over me...still. The fear tends to come, go, come again. I tend to let it for I know fighting fear grows fear stronger. 

I recall all the reminders to love, love our enemy, love our fear...kiss it on the lips, we were told.

It is very hard to honestly love the fear of dementia, much less dementia itself. I do not know if I have dementia, but I do know my fear of it is causing me to forget a lot.

Here's God's gift to me: Julian of Norwich was my reading today, and the first thing I read? Julian of Norwich was especially aware of the joyful character of hope.

There. God just gifted me with hope.

Thank you.

GOD'S WILL, GOD'S WAY

I am remembering the song, 'Whatever Will Be Will Be.' This I know from my own experience, whatever will be, will be for my benefit.

That is the last line of my yesterday's blog which today has a deeper meaning for me; namely, that for my benefit rarely resembles my reasoning-mind prayer. 

Neither God's will nor God's way is of the reasoning mind. That is how we learn to pray thank You for whatever comes to us, knowing that this is God's will, God's way...unrecognizable to us on first meeting. 

We go to God for God, and that is all...for that is all. 

Thank you.

GRACE OF GOD AND GRATITUDE

Here's me today, bordering on fear and trepidation...fear that dementia is on my plate and ready...ah, for what? There's the dreaded border.

I am a tish surprised that I wrote "bordering on"...it is true, I am not full-out panic stricken, but I do have a sense of dread in my belly.

Being in the crosshairs of dementia and not feeling dread is akin to being on the tracks of an oncoming train and feeling fairly calm about it. Say what?!

However, I am not full-out panicked. I attribute that to God, grace and the willingness to grow spiritually, as in: Give over, give up, give in while praying thank You for the good, the bad and the ugly.

I achieve that today the majority of the time...some days that is 51 percent, some days I get way up in the 70s. bordering 80s. There: Shout hallelujah and feel the grace of God.

I am remembering the song, Whatever Will Be Will Be. This I know from my own experience, whatever will be, will be for my benefit.

Thank you.

WITH GRACE AND GRATITUDE

Say we make a decision to turn our will and our life over to the care of God as we understand Him...the hard lesson we learn is that leaves all to God. Every jot and tittle, every breath we take is left to the care of God. [From my post of May 29, 2019.]

That is my hard lesson to accept today. Recently, I've written about my suspicion (fear) that I am coming into dementia...or that I have dementia.

That is a scary fact, the fact of dementia. 

This is where lessons learned rush to our aid. The pearl beyond price in my life is that I have learned to welcome my fear, specifically my fear of whatever unwanted that I see coming to me.

I suspect that dementia is an unwanted to any one of us. I do have anxiety disorder which causes panic-forgetfulness so I'm letting my self-diagnosed dementia hover in the land of maybe/maybe not.  

This I know from personal and priceless experience...whatever I am fearing that looks less-than yet is heading to me is for my benefit by grace and by God. Ergo, I pray thank You.

The thought occurs that I can think of dementia as an untrained puppy...it rules until I learn how to...with grace and gratitude. 

And God is back on the field.

Thank you.

GOD-GUIDED IS FREEDOM

 We must try with a will or fall by the wayside. -- Anonymous (to me)

Let go and let God. -- Anonymous (to me)

At many different times in my life, I have lived by both of those adages. Both are right on target if and when we know when to apply them in our life.

To try with a will in an obviously negative-result situation qualifies for self-will run riot. 

Pretty much the same goes for let go and let God only in the opposite direction...as in, too afraid to try, or to trust God to walk us through our dilemma. We tend to describe that as being "chicken" which says more than we want to hear.

As life flies by, I am becoming more aware of the truth we quote so blithely, i.e., that living in the now, the here and now, is God's home...for Him and for me, for you, for us.

The wonder of that flash of insight is it came when I felt fear of dementia...of my possibly/probably having dementia. I gut-bucket knew that if I do, I will live there by God and by grace. 

With God as our Guide, we are free. 

Thank you.

FREED FROM RESENTMENT, 1

[The following is a reprint of my post of May 25, 2016.]

We must be willing to hurt our own feelings for the benefit of another. This is a major, but just another, lesson in learning to detach from our dependence on our own reasoning mind.

Since it is our own thoughts that engineer our hurt, we must feel that hurt and know it for the nothingness that it is. Otherwise, we will put someone else's name on it and feel a compulsive want (that we mistake for need) to "set him straight" or hurt her in kind, i.e., the way we perceive they have hurt us.

In fact, our hurt feelings begin when our own thinking grows horns and gores us. I suspect that is the journey of psychic hurt...it begins with our resistance to it, really.

This explains the how and why of the Sermon's "turn the other cheek." It frees us from our guilty desire to feel resentful.

Peace, be still.

Thank you.

REGRET NAUGHT, LOVE ALL, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of May 29, 2016.]

Regrets are just resentments in fancy dress. - Blinding flash of the obvious

Thank you.

LOVE...GIVE OVER, GIVE UP, GIVE IN

Love and love alone is the substance of reality. -- James Finley 

It seems that it has been fairly recently (last ten years or so) that I fully realized that I know naught about love...specifically, how to love. Love not as written about in the Song of Songs but love of the un...the unlovable, the unpretty, the un. 

I know family love, I know friend and pet love, I know love of country...but none of those move me inwardly. I know fear of not loving God...or of thinking that I love God.

I wonder...have I ever thought what love would feel like...impersonal love, that is. Not a crush on a guy, nor a best friend to talk with about the guy, etc. 

Impersonal love seems like the ultimate contradiction in terms. How can love be impersonal? But it seems to me that personal love is all about me...where's God in that? For that matter, where's God in impersonal love?

Maybe God is love, personal, impersonal and all feelings in between Maybe there's no maybe in that.

It appears that I have my new study...what love means to/for me. I'm guessing kill self now is the starting point...ah, but not by self-will, but by grace and by God...which right now I know primarily from my eyebrows up. 

My study most likely is about giving over, giving up and giving in to God to do whatever inner moving happens.

Let it be...more will be revealed from within.

Thank you.

ON LIVING A TURNED-OVER LIFE, 1

[The following is a reprint of my post of December 29, 2018.]

Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it. -- Psalm 127

So the difference between 'the boys and the men' is the difference between striving for a self-determined objective and for the perfect objective which is of God. -- Anonymous

So the difference between relying on the reasoning mind and relying on spiritual consciousness is the difference between striving to build our inner house by our own devices and not striving but trusting our Father within to perfectly lead us through the building and then our living therein.

According to me.

Thank you.

GOD INDWELLING IS...., I

[The following is a reprint of my post of May 31, 2015.]

Jesus became a highly contrived problem-solver for our own guilt and fear (a problem that was inevitable if God was not indwelling) instead of the Archetypal Blueprint for what God has been doing all the time and everywhere. -- Fr. Richard Rohr, "Daily Meditations"

 
There. That parenthetical phrase, (a problem that was inevitable if God was not indwelling), explains everything...according to me.

God indwelling is the driver, producer, agent of our soul, always using our own chosen tools, i.e., defects of character or personal assets, to get us where we need to be for our still more spiritual growth...no matter how ego-shattering it looks and feels to us and/or our world.

I am the source of all my woes, I am the good I seek.

Thank you.

FEAR...LOVE IT AND LEAVE IT

I have not been doctor-diagnosed, but I fear that I may have dementia.

I know I am afraid of dementia which may be the cross I bear right now. Fear cares not what we choose to believe, it just rules...rules our thinking, feeling, doing and being. Us, in a word.

I shared at a meeting yesterday that I am scared...didn't go into the whys and wherefores, just "I am scared."

 
There! Proof of God in my life, as my voice. That I am in fear is no longer a secret, secrets having once been my way of life without my knowing they were the bane of my life.

I have learned, when I am feeling afraid, to invite my fear to come in, sit down, get comfy. God is here to hug us as we welcome our fear...all is well.

There...I'm not shaking now. I'm not ready to lead a parade, but I'm open to feeling my fear and doing the next thing...right or wrong, God's got us.

Hallelujah, God loves me so...you, too!

Thank you.

GRATITUDE AND GRACE, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of December 14, 2014.]

Gratitude is the handmaiden of grace. Grace leaves us with our facts unchanged, but our feelings about our facts upgraded, uplifted, enlightened.

We know peace by developing and maintaining an attitude of gratitude. Then, no matter the appearance to our reasoning mind's eye, grace through our own gratitude lets us realize...again and again and, yes, again...that this, too, is God's will. All is well.

Thank you.

NOT TO DISCOVER BUT TO RETRIEVE, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of December 30, 2013.]

It is such a comfort to me, when a problem looms, to remind myself that that problem has already been solved.

I usually want to get in the midst of it, figure it out (to my advantage), get all concerned to agree with me, but I need to quiet my mind, to listen. To listen...not for the answer to my perceived problem (for in God's world, there is no problem), but for the discipline of simply sitting quietly and listening.

Fr. Richard Rohr writes, ...spiritual knowledge is more like retrieving than discovering.

Whatever answer we need (which likely has not an iota to do with what we're thinking we need) will come to us. That answer may look less than wonderful and a butt-biter into the bargain, but it is, in truth, our gold mine.

We remember the promise: Be not afraid...it is I.

Thank you.

GRACE WILL LEAD US INTO AND OUT OF

Grace will lead us into such fears and emptiness, and grace alone can fill them, if we are willing to stay in the void. -- Fr Richard Rohr, "Daily Meditation," May 1, 2026

Ah, there's the dreaded gift that births peace of mind, the willingness to stay in the void. 

It's hard to remember that our peace of mind is the last thing we receive...but, of course. That's why we must walk through the void! That becomes our truth with still more spiritual growth. 

I am living in fear of dementia, but it is a different feeling of fear...apprehension comes closest, I guess. 

Curious may fit because I am curious as to how God is going to walk me through. It is an accepting curiosity which is spiritually based...or must be because fear is absent.

I do know I am in a higher mindset...try with a will no longer applies. Let go and let God is my watchword now.

The rest of let go and let God is born here...let go and let God while we do God's will, God's way fits now.

Thank you.

    

EYES ON THE PRIZE...A PEACED MIND

I said to the Lord, I’m going to hold steady on to you, and I know you will see me through. —Harriet Tubman, "Scenes in the Life of Harriet Tubman" 

That is akin to what I said to the Lord just yesterday...thank You.

I can't help but wonder just how dementia became epidemical in the last few months. Dementia! Dementia which, in general, was rarely mentioned until recently. 

There are mind-healers advertised up the gump stump, and they never before had a piece of the pie...again, until recently.   

Or is this just me...my now concern with my own mind that has sharpened my awareness...opened my mind to the rapidly expanding word about dementia...or, more to the point, the rapidly expanding word about cures and meds for dementia. The ads are legion...I have not studied them carefully, but a quick scan tells me none promise full cure, only a tish above a 50 percent cure. 

It is clear to me that my mind has taken a downturn. I plan to stay as calm as I am capable without self-driving, ever reminding me that God can and will if sought. I will take the four-hour test next week, take whatever the doctor prescribes, keep my eye on the prize, God, and pray for a peaced mind.

I wish I could have a dog.

Thank you.

GOD CALLING! LOVE IT AND LAUGH

Being raised from the deadened weight of fear to love. Perhaps that’s what is meant by resurrection. -- Author Diana Butler Bass, "Fr Richard Rohr's Daily Meditation," April 28, 2026

For some time now, I have practiced embracing the deadened weight of fear...anxiety being my first (and lasting) fear. Anxiety attacks were my personal stalkers. Since they seemed to be ever with me, I was given the gift of acceptance...I learned to love and laugh thus not resist fear.

I am not church people, but from my own personal experience, I became a believer. I came to believe that still more spiritual growth is the answer to the dailies of life. 

The main path? Whatever comes, love it and laugh; and there it is: God's secret handshake.

It seems there will always be something that comes that is truly unacceptable to our human eye. I have found that to be God's greatest gift to us...we have no choice but to go to God for God.

That dreaded feeling of being unloved, unneeded, unwanted, and unappreciated? God calling! Love it and laugh.

Thank you.

THE GRACE OF GRATITUDE

The storm rages on. But if you want to know how to walk through a storm? Keep your eyes on the prize. -- the Rt. Rev. Michael Curry

Lord, hear my prayer: Thank You.

My fear of dementia is for me to walk through (or with) today. With fear, without fear, we walk through that which we perceive as before us.

Blinding flash of the obvious: My perception is the storm...the grace of gratitude, the prize.

Thank you.

OUR WORST FEAR IS GOD'S GIFT

Fr. Richard Rohr writes, ...spiritual knowledge is more like retrieving than discovering.

Every time I read that statement, I get an ah-ha feeling...like I just got new information that is going to open a hidden spiritual reserve.

I am reminded that what we are retrieving is the gold, that we retrieve what we already have. Being unaware contains the spiritual invitation to be awakened repeatedly...each time at a deeper level. Whether we consciously know it or not.

I ponder that Fr Richard's spiritual knowledge is more like retrieving than discovering, and I feel hope anew...hope that what I already have is what I already have, i.e., our worst fear is our best gift.

We are opened to the inner truth: Our worst fear is God's gift...embrace it and be peaced.

Thank you.

NOTHING TURNS ME TO GOD FASTER THAN FEAR

Fear can keep us from hearing what is really being said. Mary’s spirituality is focused on trusting....She just says, 'I trust you, God. Do with me what you will. Let it be.' -- Fr Richard Rohr, "Daily Meditation," April 26, 2026

I want to remember that...spirituality focused on trusting. I want to gratefully remember that until I live it without thought. 

Being human, likely I can remember it with a tish of fear, but then, that's my gig. It is with God's blessing that I know nothing turns me to God faster than fear, so I don't resist fear, I let it be and find my comfort there.

That was my blinding flash of the obvious many years ago. I was oh so comforted when I got it then, and it still washes over me in the peace that passes understanding.

God is so good to me...God is so good.

Thank you.

SIMPLE PRESENCE...THY WILL, THY WAY

This spirituality....almost entirely depends on our capacity for simple presence. -- Fr Richard Rohr, "Daily Meditation," April 23, 2026

I felt betrayed recently and big time. Before our noon meeting, I asked a friend, who had previously announced his dementia, if I could talk with him about my fear of possible dementia to which he agreed.

After the meeting while most everyone was still there mingling, my friend announced, for all to hear,  "Stacey's got to deal with her Alzheimer's."  I just smiled, like "what a joker" and nothing further was said. 

For me to remember: That is not the important personal part. That part is for me to follow Friend 2's openness about her dementia...but on my timetable. The announcement felt like a betrayal just an hour after I first mentioned my "fear of possible dementia" to him. 

That is what I need to detach from...detach my resentful thinking by welcoming a higher interpretation to dwell on, i.e., God's will, God's way.  Remembering all the while that my "betrayer" is not bad, not even a "betrayer," he's just not the right confidant for me. 

There...I've got my inside work cut out for me. God loves me us so much.

Thy will, not mine, be done.

Thank you. 

FEAR...LOVE IT TO LET IT BE

Today, fear of dementia is sneaking into my thinking. 

I remind me to love it and laugh...if love and laugh are, as I believe, life's best answer whatever the problem, then dementia, too, can be met there.

Love and laughter will not cancel it, heal it, stop it...it simply will not determine my daily me. I can and do have another incurable disease which I meet daily with God and grace, love and laughter. Dementia, too, can be met there.

Also, my friend Bob may have a mean streak which I experienced recently in the form of a cheap shot he delivered to me before several of our friends.

Ah, it is fear, of course. I need to seek to change me, my gossipy reaction, not Bob...my want to rat him out to others.

Love that and let it perc. Personally, my feet are not there yet...my head has it but that is a far cry from walking it. 

Please and thank You, 

Thank you.

NEW ORDERS ...A CHANGE IS GONNA COME

Everything visible, without exception, is the outpouring of God.....go forward on this inward migration toward sovereignty of mind. -- "Richard Rohr Daily Meditation," April 19, 2026

Whoa!...go forward on this inward migration toward sovereignty of mind.

To go forward inwardly is a stretch...for me anyway. By a stretch I mean I need to stop right there...stop and ponder that until it explains itself to me. It reads so pretty that we feel invited to believe we agree or even know what we're agreeing with.

The first half of that quote, from Everything visible to outpouring of God I get, agree with, and if I stopped there, it would not enter my thinking again.

Ah, but the last half of that, go forward on this inward migration, etc.. causes me pause...a long pause. I suspect toward sovereignty of mind is my Full Stop. When. and/or how, did sovereignty of mind become a goal?

I've been living for, working toward, thinking of, turning my will and my life, i.e., my thinking, over to the care of God...to be a follower of God's will, God's way. Going toward sovereignty of mind is going to require...ah-ha!...is going to require that I change my mind. Reminder to me: That I change my mind has been my meditative goal for a long time now.

Well. I make no rash self-promises, but I suspect and hope I have just received my new marching orders, Or, not new...just newly clarified.

God loves me so much...us...loves us so much. And I am grateful.

Thank you.

DEEP HEALING IS OF GOD

Both the Christian religion and the American psyche need deep healing, and I do not say that lightly.  -- Fr Richard Rohr, "Daily Meditations," March 24, 2026

Today I know, and I know I know, and I finally and freely admit that I am in need of deep healing, and I do not say that lightly.

It is dementia I fear...loss of my reasoning mind...and it seems I am forgetting more each day. I note I particularly say it seems, etc., and I thank You.

From my own experience, I know that fear can and will do our thinking, feeling, doing for us whether we realize it or not. I remind myself of that fact a lot these days. If or when the fear of dementia takes over, it is that fear not dementia itself, that does our thinking for us. 

There is the truth about fear itself...when fear takes over, fear does our thinking for us...does our thinking, feeling, doing, being for us. 

I have long held that humans have two primary emotions from which all feelings are birthed...namely, love or fear. Love is harder to hold onto than fear...probably because God is love, not ours to hold onto but to live...fear is on its own which is scary in its own right...there is no God in fear. 

God is walking me through my personal way of dealing with a "what if"...think it through, repeatedly; when I am ready, God can and will lead me free. Then, if wrong, promptly admit it. Apologize to God for thinking I got ahead of him and go for it again. 

All the while loving and laughing...my new-found inner peace tools, and I thank You.

Dementia, shake hands with God...now you can get in line behind...God's got the wheel.

Thank you.

OUR NEMESIS AND AN UNSELFED LIFE. I

[The following is a reprint of my post of April 30, 2017.]

I've been contemplating nemesis and my belief that we all have our own. I equate nemesis with undeserved suffering...kinda like it is our cross to bear.

I tend to believe our acceptance of it comes with the realization that it became ours by our own unknowing choice before conception...maybe as an act of solidarity with all the pain of our chosen people.

I compare my "unknowing choice," to the line from an old novelty song (a favorite of mine): When they were passing out noses, I thought they said roses, and I said, 'I'll have a big red one.'

Having learned who I am and what I'm all about, that makes sense to me...it is neither logical nor believable that I would choose suffering purely for the benefit of others. I mean, it's comforting having Jesus as a role model, I just don't want to have to do as he did; i.e., suffer for others.

I'm guessing the key to our nemesis is the acceptance of it, resistance and all, and to welcome it as it comes to us. Why do I say I'm guessing that? That's the key to an unselfed life...which, after all, is our spiritual goal.

Thank you.

ON MATURE SPIRITUAL GROWTH, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of May 30, 2016.]

The ego gets what it wants with words. The soul finds what it needs in silence. -- Fr. Richard Rohr

There it is: The essence of our reasoning mind's resistance to powerlessness. Our ego's path out is through our reasoning mind; our soul has no path...in its transparence, it flows freely, cannot be cornered or captured...it is. It simply is.

We often hear that mature spiritual growth is all about detaching. Letting go of our self-perceived needs...embracing our self-perceived lack. When we are no longer talking that but are, in fact and without thought, doing that...we will know mature spiritual growth. And heading in the right direction counts.

Thank you.

ON SEEKING ANSWERS OF MY OWN SELF

The journey to sovereignty of mind requires an inward migration, where we in a sense become refugees from our external nation, culture, economy, and civilization, even though we still live within its borders. We withdraw inwardly. -- Alexis Wright, an Aboriginal writer from Australia

I have found myself being led (fed?) by a self-demanding search within.

I started following the feeling of demand, and faster than I realized that it was happening, I found myself seeking, questioning, demanding answers of my own self.

No, it does not make sense...reasoning-mind sense...but the answer popped almost immediately: Follow Me...where and for what, I know not. Follow that.

When I read the Alexis Wright quote above, I knew I am on the right track, going in the right direction, and though I know not my destination, I know it is God's will, God's way.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but there just is no getting better than that! 

I am peaced.

God is so good to me...God is so good.

Thank you.

WITHOUT CEASING, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of April 8, 2015.]

I offered my ego to God to tame, to do with as he willed...the answer came back that the ego is mine to tame, to do with as I will...that’s the “free will” we are given before conception, at birth, throughout our life.

Our heart and soul we can give to God, but our ego is ours TO DISCIPLINE...that’s why we must needs seek still more spiritual growth daily, twice, thrice daily...”without ceasing.”

Thank you.