THE HARD NUT TO CRACK

Real love is the result of a lot of hard work over a long period of time. It is developed through trust and loyalty and patience, learning not to say a harsh word or even show disrespect when we are provoked. -- Eknath Easwaran, "Words to Live By," June 28

There is the hard nut to crack..."learning not to say a harsh word or even show disrespect when we are provoked." That is and has been my inner goal for lo these many years. And, hey, I can generally do that today...I can not say a harsh word or even show disrespect. That's what I call not responding in kind when I am feeling disrespected.

But the Lord has some rough road ahead if we're going to get my thoughts pacified. I was walking Ruckus this morning and my head was really chewing someone or other a new one. I was peeved and getting peeve-der.

And the situation I was peeved about has never happened...and the chances of it ever happening are slim to nil. (But s/he would do it if s/he ever thought about it, shouts my ego...it's always something with my ego.)

Clearly, that's where the bottom line pays off...the "love and laugh" line. Because when one's thinking like a butt-head, and it is so very obvious, realistically, what else can one do?

Thank you.

OUR NEED IS OUR SALVATION

Fr. Richard Rohr has written that we don't come to God by eliminating our imperfection, but in fact by rejoicing in it because it makes us aware of our need for God's mercy and love.

We who have stumbled and fallen, got up, trudged on...and stumbled and fallen, got up, etc., and repeatedly...we can know what Rohr said is true. And isn't it interesting that although we may know it, we have a hard time welcoming it. Probably and purely because it hurts when we stumble and fall...and, depending on how long we stay there in anger, shaming and blaming, it hurts a lot! Doesn't matter if we're blaming our nemesis or shaming our own self (hoping that's humility), it hurts.

Without fail, the way to move forward is to love and laugh...love our nemesis and laugh at our resistance to that may be as good as we can do, but that's a start.

It is amazingly hard to finally and fully comprehend the simple instructions to love and laugh. For years I understood them. It was only fairly recently that I realized their import...and this time next years, I'll no doubt be laughing at myself for thinking that I realized their import.

It seems to me that all spiritual truth deepens...we may never fully grasp God's truth. And there it is...we may never fully grasp God's truth because it is our very need that keeps us seeking. Indeed, that is our salvation, that "makes us aware of our need for God's mercy and love." Still and forever, always and all ways.

Thank you.

OUT OF SELF TO FORGIVENESS

I am struck by the different ways the people of Boston and the people of Charleston are dealing with their separate tragedies. It being a given I know from my toenails up that we each must deal with our own tragedy in our own personal way...however that may be and without judgment.

I use the people of Boston and of Charleston because their tragedies are current, and their reactions are polar opposite. To me, and very generally, Boston is dealing "an eye for an eye" and Charleston is dealing "forgive 70 x 7."

The "eye for an eye" folks are hurting. In their hurt, they are showing forth anger...seething and seeking payback...probably hoping the murderer will die hurting at least as much as their loved ones hurt.

The "forgive" folks are hurting. In their hurt, they are showing forth compassion...sobbing, and seeking the solace of forgiveness...probably hoping for repentance for the murderer.

Each of the tragedies is beyond my heart's comprehension...almost more than my brain can process. I cannot possibly know exactly how I would react. I tried to imagine someone stealing Ruckus and...there. I cannot even write the words. So in my mind's eye seeing me loving the perpetrator is purely fantasy.

But I want to, and I want to because I can see with my own eyes how anger does but burn the angry; compassion heals the compassionate. I never thought I would see it so out there...in the proverbial black and white.

I wonder if American blacks know forgiveness is the answer because in their history they have had no other road to go...lashing out in anger was (is?) quite simply a death wish. As a people, American whites have never been forced to forgive...individuals may have but not as a people. They have had the fool's gold choice of anger, resentment, payback...which turns out to be a dead-end street leading to all the traps of self...self-pity, self-hate, self-aggrandizement, and, finally, if willing and blessed, out of self to God and forgiveness.

I am grateful that I can see...I can only pray that's how I will be.

Thank you.

NO PRIDE...JUST BLESSED

My morning blinding flash of the obvious: I pray God to forgive me when all I really want is to walk free, paying no price, with peace as my prize.

I ponder that and recognize that when I pray God for forgiveness of a past incident caused by me through malice or ignorance, what I'm wishing is that he will erase it from ever having happened or, next best, that he will wipe clean any memory of it. End result: That I walk free of me...painlessly.

There are no freebies in life. We must each do the actual footwork of facing, taking responsibility for, our own behavior. Whether we acted out of malice or ignorance, or indeed had good intentions that went awry, we must take full ownership. Ideally, with any one or more affected fully aware of our taking responsibility. They get to do with that whatever they will...forgive or not, that's on them.

It is my facing myself, with God as my guide, that frees me...with God as my guide being the key. 

Me facing me as a self-determined objective usually doesn’t do anything but risk offending more...because self is the driver and self’s objective is always CYA or ego-victory. And that is precisely what others see, feel, know. There is no God in that, no forgiveness of others or of self in that. We wind up with an unfinished feeling, a vague feeling of regret. And there's never a doubt where that leads...to more regrets. Rues. Remorses.

We know God is present by the absence of any feeling of pride. We feel blessed. Undeserving. Humbled. But no pride. No self. And no regrets.

Thank you.

ONLY I CAN PARDON....

Only I can pardon my persecutors...only I can set them free.

Isn't that a wonderful thought? Doesn't it quiet your mind?...even when there are no known persecutors in your life.

The clarion call that lifts my heart is the realization that simply changing my mind sets me and my persecutor free...s/he now walks free in my mind.

And it is possible to know, to gut-bucket know, that we are right and to let our persecutor off the hook at the same time. We saw the living example of just that last week in Charleston, SC...those agonized family members crying uncontrollably, speaking to the murderer of their loved ones, and simultaneously saying, "I forgive you."

There. That's God's hand in it. Not in the murders, that's ego gone evil, but in the hearts and minds of those left behind. God's hand healing their hurt, and in that healing, bringing the possibility of good to the city, the state, the country...and even maybe, please and thank You, the murderer.

Resist not evil and be free.

Thank you.

FORGIVENESS - GOD'S INTERVENTION

[The following continues my thoughts of yesterday about forgiveness and how our decision to be a forgiving person is our invitation to God to intervene in our lives in our behalf.]

We make our decision, and then we experience the hook...the uh-oh. Because we are going to get the opportunity, and in very short order, to be that forgiving person. No, that does not mean our loved one is going to be murdered, or, worse, our dog is going to be run over by a texting crazy lady. It means we're going to get to meet our ego face-to-face. We're going to get to walk right up to our I-me-mine boundaries and choose against our self.

I've done it once or twice. So have you. And felt like a saint. [Note: If we felt like a martyred saint, we get no credit. Do over!]

But having done it, having felt so good about our self and taking no credit for our self, why don't we, why will we not, do it more often? Why not look for opportunities to simply get over our self. For that's all it is. Just me getting over me.

The answer, probably, is that we can, it just takes daily discipline...the daily discipline of agreeing with our adversary quickly, of judging not, of resisting nothing (also known as acceptance).

When we do that consistently...as we breathe...we'll know for certain sure that God has intervened in our life for we now are a forgiving person.

Thank you.

FORGIVENESS - EGO DEFLATION IN DEPTH

Forgiveness. Sometimes that's just a word to me. An unattainable desire. Sometimes I only know forgiveness when I see how badly you need to do it.

We saw it walking, talking, crying this past week in the broken hearts of the relatives of the murdered at Mother Emanuel in Charleston, SC.

I was reminded of my beloved Sandy whose daughter was murdered, and, upon being told the awful news, he was able to tell God that this would not change his love for God, that he forgave the murderer.

He said he was able to do that because he had made a decision sometime back to be a forgiving person...to be, not to become which just keeps the want to out in front of us. And he made that decision some twenty years ago when he saw a woman on television whose son had just been murdered in a street fight. A TV newsman thrust a microphone in her face and asked her what she thought of the murderer. She answered, "I've already forgiven him."

Sandy said he knew he could not do that, and that's when he made his decision. There it is...that's what opens us up to God's perfect work. Our decision. We decide to do, to be, different than we are, and we gut-bucket know, on our own, we are incapable of making that change.

That's our invitation to God to intervene in our lives on our behalf.  Our only job from that point on is to hold to our decision...then get out of the way for change is a'coming.

Thank you.