DISCOVERING OUR ANGEL-MESSENGERS

We do not get to choose who our angel-messengers will be. The very person on whom we look with anger and contempt may very well be the one with the message we need most to hear.

In 1997 I went through an extremely painful period that today I believe was my spiritual preparation period. It had to do with a good friend of mine who proved not to be such a good friend. I was a few years into learning the power of paradox; i.e., to not react in kind, to turn the other cheek, to agree with my adversary quickly, etc.

Holding myself and myself only to account was very difficult, not to mention excruciatingly painful. For me, life is a "we program" so I had to share my hurt and anger with one spiritually guided person who did not let me live in the problem of the friend, but to stay focused on me...to choose my thought-reactions. I am still grateful.

It was nine years later, in 2006, that I finally realized that my friend, who to my reasoning mind turned out not to be a friend, was my true angel. If not for her and her actions, I would never have dug so deeply, prayed my "Thank You" so constantly, blessed her so unceasingly...and I would have missed my within gift entirely.

I remember this now because of today's God Calling entry which in 1997 I had underlined in red. It states: "Painful as this time is you will one day see the reason of it, and see too that it was not cruel testing, but tender preparation for the wonderful life-work you  are to do. Try to realize that your own prayers are being most wonderfully answered...in a way that seems painful to you, but that just now is the only way."

It went on to say, "Great success, in both temporal and spiritual worlds, awaits you." I had underlined that in green and in 2006 had written, "This is true in my life, and I am just now really realizing it."

I'd just been notified that I had been elected into my previous workplace's Hall of Honor, and I was still in awe of the fact that a few years earlier I had been given the gift of forgiveness of my friend...which gift was greater than any outside honor and I knew it.

The one we're resenting right this minute may very well be...no, IS...an angel in disguise. Recognize her...call him by his real name, "Blessed."

Thank You.

FREE TO BE ME

My running thought for years was, "I just want to be free." One day I literally stopped and asked myself, "Free how? I am free...so what freedom am I seeking?"

That was the first time I realized I simply wanted to be free to be me. And I was blaming all the "out theres" for my not being (or feeling) free.

I am, and all my friends are, civilized...or close enough. I accepted that I have never had a desire to prove my freedom by lying, cheating, stealing, murdering...although I have done one or two of those (but they were so small they didn't count, of course).

So what does "free to be me" mean within me...to my own self?

I came to a still-growing realization that "free to be me" means I am free to care...and say so. I am free to love...and say so. I am free to lend a hand...and do it. I am free to give over to a friend who thinks s/he's right and I'm wrong...without thought or comment. I am free to take responsibility for hurting another's feelings even when that was the last thing on my mind...and apologize.

I am not free to speak my mind without care, without love, without apology, justifying all the while. Nor am I free to take actions that would cause another emotional pain. All that comes back and slaps us upside the head anyhow, so where's the freedom there?

Freedom, it seems to me, begins within me and is based on my concern for others. If, as I say I believe, God has my back, how could it be otherwise?

Thank You.

FROM INSPIRATION NOT INTELLECT

[The following is a reprint from my blog of August 31, 2011.]

I am regularly amazed when others tell me something I said to them X number of years ago that they remember as wonderful or funny or weird or whatever. It matters not how they quote it, what matters is, it is something that I have never thought of, or that I actually disagree with, or that I consider above my I.Q. and only wish I had said.

My gift, from inspiration not intellect, is that I don’t disagree with them about their memory. For whatever reasons, how they remember the quote, or more particularly the incident around it, is important to them…else they wouldn’t remember it the way they do. Nor do I agree with them…I just make listening noises and smile. Who knew that could be so easy?

But it does bring forth the larger issue of rues, regrets and remorses…I am again struck by the possibility that rrr’s are primarily distortions of memory with little-to-no basis in fact. I once tried to make light of my rrr’s by reminding myself that nobody even remembered my name much less whatever incident I was rrr’ing. Unfortunately, that never made a lick of difference…it is not the memory of others that causes me to squirm…it is mine.

But consider…eyewitness testimony is coming to be regarded as not the best because it is so often dead wrong. Compare that to memory…memory as the eyewitness to our own history. It makes sense that the memory of our rrr’s is just another fallacy.

Our job (or joy) is to accept that rrr’s have all the force and effect of a snowflake on the bosom of the Potomac (with a thank you to the long-gone but never-forgotten Senator Dirksen).

Thank You.

TO PRAY "FOR" IS A DENIAL OF GOD

My morning blinding flash of the obvious:  To pray for God to have my back is a denial of my belief in God.

Thinking that through, I come again to the realization that the most important part of spiritual growth may be in detaching from my own ideas, my own opinions, in trust that God does have my back because God cannot not have my back.

Meister Eckhart is quoted as saying, "Some people want to see God with their eyes as they see a cow, and to love Him as they love their cow -- for the milk and cheese and profit it brings them. This is how it is with people who love God for the sake of outward wealth or inward comfort."

Those last three words are the telling ones for me. We learn fairly early not to pray for outward wealth, but inward comfort? I had always thought that was what we were supposed to pray for!

It was when I learned the cosmic comfort of thanking God for everything...inward comfort or inward discomfort...makes no never mind. Our "thank You" frees our blocked channel, opens us, to let God out...to go before us and "make the crooked places straight."

Thank You.

GOD'S ANGELS ON EARTH

It seems every Memorial Day or July 4th someone e-mails me pictures of military dogs and their humans. Every year there are new pictures along with the older ones. I love them. They tear the heart right out of my body while bringing God's gratitude to my soul.

These dogs and the humans who depend on them are what a still more spiritual life looks like to me...utterly selfless.

The dogs are guarding the humans who depend on them and the humans who depend on them are guarding us. So the dogs through their humans are guarding us. Without a thought of...yeah, and what are you doing for me? Or, when am I going to get ...?

I'm betting there's not a one amongst us whose first thought isn't "I'd like to be that selfless" and whose second thought isn't "Whoa...too hard by half!" And that's just thinking of the humans! The dogs?...truly God's angels on earth.

I am humbled that I can simply recognize such holiness and know it for God's work.

Thank You.

EGO VICTORY V. TRUTH

[The following is a reprint of my blog of  January 28, 2012.]

It has happened again…why am I still surprised when I give up fighting that the way is cleared?

This past Wednesday some friends called to see if I’d like to get together for burgers this evening, and I was all over that…yes indeedy. It wasn't until yesterday afternoon that I recalled that I have a late lunch scheduled today, and I have a standing Sunday brunch with friends. That’s three meals out in two days, and that’s too much…too much eating, too much money.

My first thought after remembering my lunch date today was…LIE. Tell my burger friends I’m coming down with a cold…nobody loves you when you’re coming down with a cold. Fortunately, I wait on second thoughts today, and I had second, third, fourth, etc. Each one coming a tish closer to the truth. When I finally hit the wall with my rationalizations, I decided that I’d made the date, I can take the consequences…and how hard is it to have friends who want to get together with me for three meals straight?

Not an hour later, my phone rings…burgers tonight are out. I didn’t have to lie (which I knew I wouldn’t, but that is still my ego’s first line of defense), nor did I have to beg forgiveness, with a pinch of guilt thrown in so they’d feel bad if they didn't accept my apology…I know ‘em all, unfortunately. But, good news, knowing all those less than wonderful ways doesn't mean I have to use them…anymore.

What I like to contemplate is: Would the burgers have been canceled if I hadn't made the decision to  go forward, simply accepting the consequences? If I’d gone for the ego victory?

I might not be able to prove one way or the other, but I do know I would have set in motion, by my decision based on self, others dissing me later…and the rush of poor, pitiful, put-upon me being all mine again. Nothing is worth that.

Thank You.

TO LOVE...RESIST NOT, WELCOME ALL

Some years ago I saw an embroidered sampler that read, "In the end, all that matters is what you have done for God."

I have just realized the deeper message there. What if all that matters is what we have done for God, God being the least among us? God being the beggar, the thief, the liar, the cheat...the one who brought his house down around his own head, and "it was his own fault," the young mother who got caught in an adulterous relationship "and she didn't even have the grace to blush."

Those folks. What have we done for them? What are we willing to do for them? Those with whom we can all identify in some manner or means...if we ever get bare-to-the-bone honest. Just because, "Well, I was never that bad," applies to me, if only in my own mind, that does not get me a bye. We are directed to love our enemies, yet my television set does not even know there is a Fox News channel. Ignoring our perceived "least among us" doesn't get us a bye, either.

We're directed to love...that's all. By any religion, religious director, spiritual guru that I've ever come across, that is the bottom-line message. And love is so misunderstood...or, actually, love is simply not understood. I think of love as to welcome, to not resist...anything. I do not do it well, but I do believe it, and I do aim for it.  Just welcome any and all into our heart, and let God worry about the judgments later.

Face it...God does that better than we do.

Thank You.