My morning's blinding flash of the obvious -- I will never "hear" the Lord...I can only show forth what the Lord says to me by my actions of forgiveness, love, laughter.
The word "forgiveness" is my toughie. I don't like that word. My dislike reminds me of my reaction to the word "discipline." P-euwww. And then there's "obedience." Eeeek! Geez, I'm giving me heartburn here.
I'm reminded of a line from one of my favorite songs, "Looking back and longing for the freedom of my chains." For that's what I'm doing when I reject those very words, longing for the freedom of my ego-linked chains, my self-determined wants...where there is no God to lead me toward peace, love and joy.
I was listening really hard to hear God's word this morning when I had my BFO. I'll give him this...he knows how to cut through my baloney. I could stay stuck for who cares how long "trying really hard to hear God's word," never for an instant thinking of my sister for whom I need to seek in my soul for forgiveness. I know, and I know I know, the only thing standing between me and a loving heart toward my sister is my willingness to forgive her. Period. Plain and simple. And I even want to.
I'm guessing that's the difference between want to and willing to...want to is of the material mind, need to is of God. We may or may not get our wants met, but our needs will without fail be met...by God and God alone in his way, on his timetable, and often (and seemingly) for the benefit of the other.
Only forgiveness can free us from the bondage of self. The fact is I've never fully accepted the reality that I need to forgive her. I need to not just for my own heart's sake but equally for her own heart's sake, too. Forgiveness frees us all, not by our trying to detach from any specific wrong, hurt or harm...but by our not even thinking of those.
Forgiveness comes by our thinking only of God, the grace of God, the glory of God, gratitude for the grace of God...God.
Thank you.
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