I awoke this morning feeling almost paralyzed...with nothingness. It took well into an hour to pull me out of bed. I self-diagnosed it as depression and like to scared myself silly.
I have never been a depressive person...an anxious person certainly, but not depressed. I for sure do not want to land there now so I took dire measures...I folded my down comforter into a kneeling cushion and hit my decrepit knees.
I prayed my thank you and named each "oh, no" that is digging ditches in my mind, and I welcomed them.
With that, the image of Simone Biles came to me, and I knew her as blessed. She is showing us how to deal with our deepest unwanteds, our ego-fears. Who knew that "deal with it" would be to sit, smile, cheer? As in, cheer for others, with others, about others.
Cheering for others in the midst of personal mental pain? Unquestionably, that is spirituality on the hoof. Praising others, gifting glory to others returns to us the peace that passes understanding...or, love and laughter.
In the midst of those images floated a blinding flash: Beware of trying so hard for spirituality that it becomes our self-determined idea of spirituality, and we lose to ego with a halo.
I can believe that is God heading me off at the pass: Do not try to show forth Biles' spirituality...she has earned hers, and good on her. I need to continue building on that which is already my own.
My already own comes not by knowing better but by doing better...by being out of step and trying to right it with God, with friends and, face it, with unfriends showing me the way. By grace and by God.
Thank you.
No comments:
Post a Comment