I don't pray for a person with whom I am in disagreement...I pray for my thoughts about that person. If Gertrude is just being Gertrude, and she and her God are happy with that (and no never mind how snarky, mean, or petty she is appearing to my eyes), it is my wrong that is for me to see.
It is my reaction to her, my thoughts about what I am perceiving, that are the irritant to me, not her. I can pray till my face falls off, that will not change her...even though she may change. God's timetable may have had her change ready all along, and here's me wanting to take credit. Meanwhile, my wrong has just been glossed over. It is, however, still there waiting to burst forth uglier than ever.
My prayer this morning: Thank you, Father, for Gertrude just exactly as she is appearing to me right this minute for just as she is appearing is helping me to see myself...my petty, my judgments, my ego defying you. If it takes me humiliating myself, thank you that I know humiliation is humility aborning. (But I'll pass on that if I have a vote.) Thank you. Amen.
We are born from love with the unlimited capacity to love...now is the time to put it to use, remembering that there is never a time that is not now.
Thank you.
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Saturday, July 30, 2016
KNOW IT AND SHOW IT
It is such a comfort to me to experience the God of my understanding changing within me. The hardest period of my spiritually learning life was the time I felt dead inside, no feeling of God in my life, no flashes of peace in my head, heart, gut all at once...I'm talking nada. I was scared, depressed and one hundred percent self focused.
I tried everything I could think of (there's the first clue) to bring back my self-generated security...that God was alive, in my life, had my back, was riding herd on my anxieties. Not to put too fine a point on it, but God was doing as I told him to do, and I was happy.
And then he wasn't...and then I wasn't.
In utter desperation I finally defied my ego and went to a meeting of my peers (where I'd been all but lecturing them on the glory of the God of my understanding and how they'd best follow me). I confessed that I did not know if there even was a God, but certainly none was in my life right then.
It was not long thereafter that realization in a blinding flash of the obvious filled my heart: I have been trying to keep the God of my understanding stationary, in a box so to speak, never changing, in order to hold on to that first full measure of God as grace that I had ever experienced. Loose him and let him grow.
I knew peace in my head, heart, gut all at once, and I knew that God is alive and growing within me, without me.
God cannot be held back, I can only follow him...and the best way for me to do that is to love and laugh. At anything and everything, but most especially at the unlovable and unfunny happenings in my life. Now that is freedom.
Thank you.
I tried everything I could think of (there's the first clue) to bring back my self-generated security...that God was alive, in my life, had my back, was riding herd on my anxieties. Not to put too fine a point on it, but God was doing as I told him to do, and I was happy.
And then he wasn't...and then I wasn't.
In utter desperation I finally defied my ego and went to a meeting of my peers (where I'd been all but lecturing them on the glory of the God of my understanding and how they'd best follow me). I confessed that I did not know if there even was a God, but certainly none was in my life right then.
It was not long thereafter that realization in a blinding flash of the obvious filled my heart: I have been trying to keep the God of my understanding stationary, in a box so to speak, never changing, in order to hold on to that first full measure of God as grace that I had ever experienced. Loose him and let him grow.
I knew peace in my head, heart, gut all at once, and I knew that God is alive and growing within me, without me.
God cannot be held back, I can only follow him...and the best way for me to do that is to love and laugh. At anything and everything, but most especially at the unlovable and unfunny happenings in my life. Now that is freedom.
Thank you.
Friday, July 29, 2016
ACCEPT SELF OR KILL SELF, SAME DIFFERENCE
God lives in my Soul. It is my duty, my obligation, my privilege to live there with him. -- My morning blinding flash of the obvious
My interpretation of my BFO: God lives in my Soul. It is my necessary duty to hang out in God's place as much, as often, as it is possible to me...in other words, to stay out of my own head. Up in my own head I'm trying to do God's job for him. Not necessary...not possible.
I control where my God lives...I move him into a dark hidey-hole, out into the un-walled Soul, back into the dark, out into the light at (self-)will. Mine to remember is that all that moving is done through my reasoning mind with my ego Lucy always there with her advice and consent.
The conundrum is that that is the point of self-acceptance and also the point at which most spiritual books say we must kill self. I'm guessing the spiritual books are right, they just don't say that killing self is never a one-shot deal. We get to keep coming back until we get it right...coming back to our defect du jour, letting go, coming back, letting go. And accepting our self, that we're doing it right, in that process.
It is self-acceptance, acceptance of our hairy warts and our loving hearts, that allows God to enter and hunker down...to go with our flow, flow with our go.
Thank you.
My interpretation of my BFO: God lives in my Soul. It is my necessary duty to hang out in God's place as much, as often, as it is possible to me...in other words, to stay out of my own head. Up in my own head I'm trying to do God's job for him. Not necessary...not possible.
I control where my God lives...I move him into a dark hidey-hole, out into the un-walled Soul, back into the dark, out into the light at (self-)will. Mine to remember is that all that moving is done through my reasoning mind with my ego Lucy always there with her advice and consent.
The conundrum is that that is the point of self-acceptance and also the point at which most spiritual books say we must kill self. I'm guessing the spiritual books are right, they just don't say that killing self is never a one-shot deal. We get to keep coming back until we get it right...coming back to our defect du jour, letting go, coming back, letting go. And accepting our self, that we're doing it right, in that process.
It is self-acceptance, acceptance of our hairy warts and our loving hearts, that allows God to enter and hunker down...to go with our flow, flow with our go.
Thank you.
Thursday, July 28, 2016
HE IS...AND THAT IS ALL
Those who practice their vitriol on others invite the vitriol of others, including their own....
That was my blinding flash of the obvious the other day, and it seemed so obvious that even as I noted it, I then forgot about it.
I see today that is the source of my resistance that I wrote about yesterday (Giving God a Giggle). I mentioned the fact that for the last couple years people have been walking up to me and flat out asking my age, that I just answered and let it go. Uh-oh. If I'm still remembering it even to note that I let it go, it is still there..."nesting" so to speak.
In the nesting time, I'd occasionally think about one or the other having asked my age, and I'd just mentally shake my head and move on. But it's in the "mentally shake my head" that the vitriol lives. Because, to my ego Lucy, the full sentence is "I'd just mentally shake my head in wonderment at such uncivil ignorance."
That mindset is what keeps the mental mud, the mental vitriol, silently flowing out, flowing in without my ever consciously being aware of it.
We are the source of our own woes...invariably, always, without fail. The problem being, the pettier the woe, the harder to identify...as in, the harder to put our own name on it. That is when ego gives birth to resentment and nurtures it until it finds a willing participant to attach itself to...who then gets the full blowback of our unacknowledged ire.
That is also when the majority of the time our ongoing search for still more spiritual growth bears fruit. (Remember that 51% is the majority of the time, but it doesn't hurt to aim a tish higher.)
Now I can consciously choose...do I continue to serve Lucy, rolling in the resentment, or do I stay with the Lord, thanking him for this opportunity for still more spiritual growth? Personally, I'm staying with the Lord, knowing full well Lucy's coming along if only for the ride.
The choice is never a one-shot deal...this may or may not be the last time I'll feel the need to write about this exact same incident. It makes no never mind to God, and knowing that, me either.
I do know, and I do know from my toenails up, that God just loves me...Lucy, too...whether Lucy is riding herd or I am showing forth his love. In all cases, he is with me, within me, without me...and that is All.
Thank you.
That was my blinding flash of the obvious the other day, and it seemed so obvious that even as I noted it, I then forgot about it.
I see today that is the source of my resistance that I wrote about yesterday (Giving God a Giggle). I mentioned the fact that for the last couple years people have been walking up to me and flat out asking my age, that I just answered and let it go. Uh-oh. If I'm still remembering it even to note that I let it go, it is still there..."nesting" so to speak.
In the nesting time, I'd occasionally think about one or the other having asked my age, and I'd just mentally shake my head and move on. But it's in the "mentally shake my head" that the vitriol lives. Because, to my ego Lucy, the full sentence is "I'd just mentally shake my head in wonderment at such uncivil ignorance."
That mindset is what keeps the mental mud, the mental vitriol, silently flowing out, flowing in without my ever consciously being aware of it.
We are the source of our own woes...invariably, always, without fail. The problem being, the pettier the woe, the harder to identify...as in, the harder to put our own name on it. That is when ego gives birth to resentment and nurtures it until it finds a willing participant to attach itself to...who then gets the full blowback of our unacknowledged ire.
That is also when the majority of the time our ongoing search for still more spiritual growth bears fruit. (Remember that 51% is the majority of the time, but it doesn't hurt to aim a tish higher.)
Now I can consciously choose...do I continue to serve Lucy, rolling in the resentment, or do I stay with the Lord, thanking him for this opportunity for still more spiritual growth? Personally, I'm staying with the Lord, knowing full well Lucy's coming along if only for the ride.
The choice is never a one-shot deal...this may or may not be the last time I'll feel the need to write about this exact same incident. It makes no never mind to God, and knowing that, me either.
I do know, and I do know from my toenails up, that God just loves me...Lucy, too...whether Lucy is riding herd or I am showing forth his love. In all cases, he is with me, within me, without me...and that is All.
Thank you.
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
GIVING GOD A GIGGLE
It is extraordinarily difficult for me to "loose it and let it go" when the thing I need to let go of is a speck on the eyeball of my ego Lucy. I inevitably wind up feeling like I'm arm-wrestling with God...which tells us whose side I'm on...clearly Lucy's, yet trying to make it over to God's.
Here's my even-less-than-petty problem: I have had nearly a half dozen people in the past year or so walk up to me, look me in the eye, and flat-out ask, "How old are you?"
I have no problem with people knowing how old I am, I often say for that matter. But it is the breakdown in social mores (Lucy's on a roll!) that disturbs me. The fact is, that is not only rude, it is disrespectful. Rude I can more easily pull myself away from because that says more about the speaker than the one being spoken to...but disrespectful? That is personal.
And there's the Bingo! nut of the problem. According to me, all relationship problems start when we take any difference personally. I preach that to myself a lot...and to anyone else who'll stand still long enough to hear me.
So far I've been able when asked to just answer the question and consider the source, but a man I barely know walked up to me last Sunday morning and with a crowd of people standing around, asked my age. I have learned to not return rude for rude, or disrespect for disrespect, so I answered (and with a smile). But it sure has kept Lucy on the fret since.
I think the problem has been solved though. Yesterday, I told a friend who said, "It's because you look so young, and you're coming up on 45 years of happy, joyous and free." That may not be the spiritually fit answer, but Lucy is ecstatic...and who's kidding whom? If Lucy's happy, I'm happy. Which gives God a giggle.
Thank you.
Here's my even-less-than-petty problem: I have had nearly a half dozen people in the past year or so walk up to me, look me in the eye, and flat-out ask, "How old are you?"
I have no problem with people knowing how old I am, I often say for that matter. But it is the breakdown in social mores (Lucy's on a roll!) that disturbs me. The fact is, that is not only rude, it is disrespectful. Rude I can more easily pull myself away from because that says more about the speaker than the one being spoken to...but disrespectful? That is personal.
And there's the Bingo! nut of the problem. According to me, all relationship problems start when we take any difference personally. I preach that to myself a lot...and to anyone else who'll stand still long enough to hear me.
So far I've been able when asked to just answer the question and consider the source, but a man I barely know walked up to me last Sunday morning and with a crowd of people standing around, asked my age. I have learned to not return rude for rude, or disrespect for disrespect, so I answered (and with a smile). But it sure has kept Lucy on the fret since.
I think the problem has been solved though. Yesterday, I told a friend who said, "It's because you look so young, and you're coming up on 45 years of happy, joyous and free." That may not be the spiritually fit answer, but Lucy is ecstatic...and who's kidding whom? If Lucy's happy, I'm happy. Which gives God a giggle.
Thank you.
Tuesday, July 26, 2016
OUR TWO CHOICES ARE ONE
It is a hard lesson learning but spirituality is always eventually about what we do with our pain.
That is a powerful thought that, until we realize its fullness, is just something we quote. We must needs quit quoting and start doing. As in, realize it. Take it in...ponder it...let it flow freely through our thoughts.
We learn that our pain is our gateway to heaven (the Father within). Until we realize that, we fight, deny, resist...blaming friends, family, doctors, disease...anything out there, never once looking within.
It is only by looking within, by staying our focus within, that we find there is no blame...no blame attaches. If we're blaming and shaming, we're going down that wrong road again. That is the awakening of our inner power, allowing us to accept...to welcome!...all our rues, regrets and remorses.
And that does not make a lick of reasoning mind sense...proof, yet again, that our reasoning mind will never get us free of our self. It almost seems it links up with our ego and dares God to pass.
Yet, when we turn within for spiritual growth, we find our freedom. We learn that we have two choices: We can crash and burn, or we can love and laugh. That's when we're gifted with the great paradox: If we choose crash and burn, we end up with love and laughter. Our two choices are One.
"Salvation is not sin perfectly avoided, as the ego would prefer; but in fact, salvation is sin turned on its head and used in our favor." -- Fr. Richard Rohr, "Daily Meditation," July 26, 2016
Thank you.
And that does not make a lick of reasoning mind sense...proof, yet again, that our reasoning mind will never get us free of our self. It almost seems it links up with our ego and dares God to pass.
Yet, when we turn within for spiritual growth, we find our freedom. We learn that we have two choices: We can crash and burn, or we can love and laugh. That's when we're gifted with the great paradox: If we choose crash and burn, we end up with love and laughter. Our two choices are One.
"Salvation is not sin perfectly avoided, as the ego would prefer; but in fact, salvation is sin turned on its head and used in our favor." -- Fr. Richard Rohr, "Daily Meditation," July 26, 2016
Thank you.
Monday, July 25, 2016
LET GOD TAKE OVER
But I say unto you, * * * whosoever shall smite thee on the right cheek, turn to him the other also; - Matthew 5:39
I know of no one, most especially myself, who hasn't (using good common sense) resisted that line upon hearing it...and not just hearing it for the first time, but every single time. Until we take God's time to ponder it; i.e., go into our quiet and open our self to another understanding.
My common sense led me to the realization that no one I know, friend or unfriend, would slap me upside the head. Talk about me behind my back, maybe...or, more likely, chew me a new one to my eyeballs...but not slap my face. Therefore, if someone did slap my face, I could reckon that this person was not dealing from a full deck...best to smile and turn the other cheek as I quietly walk away. In other words, resist not and high tail it.
There. Common sense can lead us to the fourth dimension, and we can let God take over from there.
Thank you.
I know of no one, most especially myself, who hasn't (using good common sense) resisted that line upon hearing it...and not just hearing it for the first time, but every single time. Until we take God's time to ponder it; i.e., go into our quiet and open our self to another understanding.
My common sense led me to the realization that no one I know, friend or unfriend, would slap me upside the head. Talk about me behind my back, maybe...or, more likely, chew me a new one to my eyeballs...but not slap my face. Therefore, if someone did slap my face, I could reckon that this person was not dealing from a full deck...best to smile and turn the other cheek as I quietly walk away. In other words, resist not and high tail it.
There. Common sense can lead us to the fourth dimension, and we can let God take over from there.
Thank you.
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