ENOUGH AND MORE THAN ENOUGH

When I was ten years old, my brother, who was twelve, became very ill and was admitted into Children's Hospital. After a month or so of many tests, he was found to have an incurable illness, was brought home and passed away. There was enormous debt, yet we never went hungry, we always had a roof over our head, a bed to sleep in...enough, in a word. We'd be putting on airs to call ourselves "middle class," but it never entered my mind that we'd not have...enough.

Same goes in my adult life...I have always had enough. I've never gone hungry, I've always had my bed to sleep in, I've always been able to pay my rent or mortgage, I've always had friends...I've always had enough.

Yet it is a fact that back in the day my prayers to God were always for more. I'd dress it up right pretty, but it was always, quite simply, for more...more love, more glory, more security...more.

I've been pondering this since I saw a news story recently about a youngish teacher whose job was abolished. Her job along with a boatload of others teachers' jobs. From the sounds of it, she immediately went right down the tubes. Lived on the streets, admitted, with tears in her eyes, that she went home more than once with a stranger..."lived under the bridge" in the vernacular and maybe in truth.

My heart went out to her because I know the pain of relying on the reasoning mind to fix an unfixable problem.

My interpretation of her story (based on my own experience) is that in her consciousness that job was her security, her God. If she lost the job, she lost her God...no job, no God. So that when that happened, it so demoralized her, so demolished her, that she simply slipped into hopelessness, rather than accept that the job was not the answer...rather than change her mind.

For it is in the reasoning mind's worst case scenario that the unthinkable answer is found. It is in our acceptance of our inability to think of a solution, in the utter hopeless, helpless, powerlessness of that moment that we stop trying to think and are raised into a deeper consciousness.

We go beyond reason to love, to God...and find green pastures, still waters, peace. Enough, in a word.

Thank You.

SLOW DOWN, A SPIRITUAL ACT

The following is a reprint of a blog of mine of July 14, 2008.

Some years ago I heard an elderly man say that the most spiritual thing one is ever going to do in life is to slow down.

I, of course, knew better than that and considered it no further.

Yet, the thought was always there, popping up when I least expected or wanted it…usually when I was thinking my hardest on yet another guru’s deeply spiritual saying that was clearly out of my realm of experience.

Then one day, a blinding flash of the obvious: whatever I am chasing, racing after, totally focused on, is my God at that moment.

That came to me the day I was running late for an appointment, getting nothing but red lights, cursing, feeling anger at everybody in front of me, sorry for poor, pitiful, put-upon me. I suddenly realized that a green light was my God right then…that my peace of mind, my answered prayer, my God existed solely in a green light that would allow me to get to an appointment that I hadn’t cared enough about to leave on time for in the first place. What a cheap God I had!

I’m usually early for my appointments today…getting just as many red lights as I ever did, but since my God doesn’t live in traffic lights anymore, I can drive at peace, getting out of the way of those who are still chasing their God of the green light.

Thank you.

LEARNING TO LISTEN

I have this theory that most things we're seeing in the material world is a mirror image of what God sees...namely, in reverse. That's how paradox was born, according to me.

It seems all...or most for sure...of the things I've resisted, tried to hold off, have turned out good and for my benefit...painful, due to my resistance, but beneficial. And the things I've wrapped myself up in a pretty bow to cause to happen...well, enough said.

I wonder if that is why so often snark feels warm and fuzzy, and goodness feels sanctimonious...or is that  just me?

Some years back, I was talking with someone who does not gossip. I, in my ignorance, did not know this, and I passed on a really juicy item. To which he proudly (in my judgment) replied, "I do not gossip." I replied that, clearly, I do. I then went home and told my bathroom mirror that he might not gossip, but he sure did listen well.

Gossip is not a good thing...never was, never will be. But it is important to recognize that not all information passed along is gossip.

I remember once trying to help someone with a spiritual principle and got so muddled, I was in despair for my own sanity. Not wanting to talk about her, I said nothing to anyone until my lid was near blowing...and the person I told was all, "Oh, didn't you know? We all think she's probably a sociopath...you can think good thoughts about her, but keep your distance."

And there's the lesson...our words are not holy to anyone but ourselves. With a sincere heart, we can hold good thoughts for another and probably do as much if not more good than hours of running our mouths.

We must learn to listen without before we can learn to listen within...where the gold is.

Thank You.

ANKLE-BITERS AND ANGELS

This I know about me: I am wonderful in no-alternative situations...I am petty beyond belief with hassles. Given an inch to try to maneuver any situation and it's natter, natter, natter in my head.

All this because of an unfortunate happening in a unit in my same tier on the seventh floor of my condo. The water pipe linking to the toilet popped loose, liberating water...lots and lots of water since the owner was away, and it is not known when the pipe popped.

All I know is I'm on the third floor and there is some water damage in my guest bath and bedroom.

Well. This has inconvenienced me beyond my reasoning mind's ability to cope. That is where my quiet time is set up. (Until this happened, I'd always thought of it as my QT spot...it is now known by me as  my "Chapel," and I am UN-happy.) I've had to move all my Spiritual Materials (books, daily readers, journal, heretofore, my "stuff") out into the dining room. From which I'll have to move it all back for Pete's sake.

I have three giant dehumidifiers set up in both rooms...one large, two small, actually, but they might as well be giants...they're taking up my space. They are very noisy unless I keep the door shut, then I can't hear them, but still.

OH, this is also Ruckus's room. I've had to drag his crate into the living room where it sits looking like a Vietnamese torture cage, which I've never before noticed...that poor little guy. He must hate that thing...he's never shown it, but geez...how smart do you have to be to know staying there is no fun. God love him.

And we haven't even gotten started on figuring out who pays for this...the insurance adjuster called yesterday, and her first question was whether the condo's master policy would take care of it...HER first question to ME. God reminded me not to be as nasty as I wanted to be, and I ever so politely said that I did not have a clue. She's coming tomorrow to "get started."

Here's the nut. The trouble with all my meditation and reading (not to mention TALKING) spiritual way of life...all the spiritual disciplines, in fact...is it works. If nothing else, it opens your conscience. You open that sucker, and it is always on your case.

I (finally) thought about the person in whose unit it happened, the one who lives one floor below...all those who got hit worse than I did. That's when I recalled how wonderful I am in a no-alternative situation...if my unit got destroyed, I'd be sorry (real sorry), but, I could accept it because it would be self-evident that I simply had no alternative. When the choice is go to God or go to God, I go to God.

And the fact is, of course, once our own self-will has beaten us into utter submission, once we've had to make a decision to let go and let God, that is always and forever the only choice...go to God, or go to God. 

It is the ankle-biters that give me the illusion that this is different...that I have room to bargain and bitch. I don't. I get to upgrade my attitude because it is a proven fact that if I upgrade my attitude, I upgrade my problem.

So, new s.o.s.o. lesson learned...this whole situation is just another angel in my life, leading me to still more spiritual growth. The spiritual growth being, I get to offer help to the people upstairs and thanks to providence it wasn't any worse for me than it was.

And explain to Ruckus that it really is his lovely home when I'm not home and remind him that he loves it.

Thank You.

LOOSING YOUR GOOD...LETTING IT FLOW

Staying in my resistance to Rush, et al., Velcros Rush, et al., to me exactly as I am interpreting them to be  and keeps me just that far from advancing in my own spiritual growth. All the religious right that I "despitefully use" become my God at that moment.

I thank You for all that is appearing to my reasoning mind's eyes...I loose them and let them go, knowing full well this is a discipline I get to do daily. It is as necessary to me as my daily meditation on God Itself.

Per Joel Goldsmith, "The very Soul of God is your individual Soul, and it is out of that Soul (the kingdom of God within you) that your good flows." I will never realize that until I surrender fully to its truth about Rush, et al, too...and before me.

It is available to me only to the degree that I consciously realize it and walk it daily.

Thank You.

THE IMPORTANCE OF RESPECT

So I'm walking Ruckus this morning, and the thought occurs to me that if love of money is the root of all evil, then disrespect is the fertilizer that grows the roots and ensures that evil flourishes.

One cannot disrespect another without disrespecting oneself first.

Thank You.

GO BEYOND REASON TO LOVE

The following is a reprint from my blog of July 31, 2008.

I don’t recall ever truly letting go of any resentment I’ve held of another by praying for them. The very prayer keeps me focused on the wrong as a fact.

I pray for my thoughts about that person…for my heart to be changed, upgraded, toward that person. And in that prayer, I accept the responsibility for letting go of the resentment…that’s when I’m working toward aligning my will with God’s will. Just that slight change of focus, from looking through my eyes at how I’ve been wronged to looking through God’s eyes to peace, takes my thoughts off the resentment, my real problem.

In my idea of a perfect world, I’d only have to do that once, and voila! I’m resentment free. Unfortunately, my resentments are always justified, I am right, and you are wrong. To get free of me takes persistence, sharing my petty problem with another (risking their agreement that this is really petty), and plain old willingness to simply change my mind (an extremely difficult act for me).

But the incredible freedom, the wrap-my-heart-around-it joy, that comes from going beyond reason to love…an impossible get when one is into winning through another’s losing, no matter what the cause.

Thank You.