THY WILL, THY WAY...BY GRACE, BY GRIT, BY GOD

Well, I had an interesting morning...an eyeopener, actually. 

My notes in my morning readers tell a tale...possibly the rest of the story regarding my brother's illness and death when he was 12 and I was 10 which has been so with me the past few days into weeks.

It started with my opening my Easwaran and read a note I'd written one year ago exactly...then opened my Voices and saw that I wrote the same thing there...namely:

'22 BFO: I got up on Paul's bed & comforted him & he knew it & was peaced...thank you. (Voices) 

Then Easwaran, '22 BFO: I crawled up on the bed w/Paul & comforted him & he knew he was not alone...thank you. 

As I have written, a couple weeks ago I had a memory flash, not a BFO but the actual memory, of me not comforting my brother in his dying pain...of pretending I did not see or hear him as I walked by his bed, and the remembered shame I felt at the time and could do nothing about. More, the shame that I felt in the instant of the memory's awakening...and blossoming now in its own spiritual growth. 

As an aside, I note that the BFOs gave spiritual awareness before the memory sprouted. We can believe they were the inner assurance to the memory that it was ready...safe...to come out now.

Lord, hear my prayer: For whatever reason, I have no memory of these BFOs today...and there is my gift. Thank you for the notes...if they are evidence of oncoming memory loss, thank you; if they are to further my freedom from my past, thank you.

Of course, my egoic mind was jarred...not full panic I am delighted, more likely relieved, to note. Then it occurred to me, so what if today I don't remember? Last year I knew that I would need this reminder, and I have already solved the as-yet unknown next one up. Thank you.  

The pearl beyond price is in the expanding growth of the gift. This is answered prayer...if dementia comes to me, I can worrit not. This is proof...or the blueprint anyway...that God with me/within me has ever, can ever and will ever guide me, will let me know all I need to know, will shield me from the dreaded fear of not knowing. 

Divine mind meets our needs, regifts them as needed and never fails...God's will, God's way. The sliver of gold...this is our personal road to the unknowing we seek. 

Thank you.