Of late I've been feeling like I'm walking through a minefield. The trouble is (yes!) that I know I am not, that this is how I need to be feeling at this time under the conditions of my life right this very minute. Just knowing, I'm here to shout, does not bring peace...nor quietude which may be the first time I've ever used that word or wanted to.
Back in the day, before I learned that all my worries were self-driven, signifying nothing...don't worry, be happy...the blessed relief came in being gifted with the Word of Peace. From a reading, from my mentor, from...out there. But now when I'm feeling the need, it's missing its razzmatazz. Razzmatazz only comes the first time, apparently. Once learned, gratitude is supposed to take over...or maybe self-will is supposed to sit down and shut up. Uh-huh.
WOW! Don't tell me God isn't alive and well and kicking. I just took a break for my Rohr "Daily Meditation," and look what I read: One of the only ways God can get us to let go of our private salvation project is some kind of suffering. * * * * However we’ve defined ourselves as successful, moral, better than, right, good, on top of it, number one . . . has to fail us!
And there it is: I'm failing me! Hallelujah, thank you, Jesus, Great God Almighty...not a minute too soon.
Now, to complete the fall...to let me suffer. Not make me suffer...let me suffer. That's going to be the hard part...Lucy is already quoting Scripture in my head. And I get to let her...as long as I remember to love and laugh, I'm heading in the right direction,
Letting God do my job is the nut of it. No wonder it's so hard...God is not the swiftest kid on the block. And I'm reminded yet again, God has to go slow in order for me to keep up.
Thank you.
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