I asked my God to help me let go of my inner pretenses...those pretenses that, unknowingly, I show-and-tell as me.
And I felt: My life is being stripped bare of all pretenses within and without even as I breathe...I can quit looking for a halo, it is the feeling of a splinter in my Soul that is my reward.
I meditate on that, and I accept that all the apparent losses in my life this past year are for my benefit. From some, I have already realized the good; some, I am open to. None do I resist...and there's my blessing for sure.
It is when I try to make my good happen that I fall in with my ego Lucy's seductive thinking...where my ego goal is to come out with the halo for being willing to show my stuff-and-such. Thus earning no spiritual growth, leaving me wondering why God is such a nun.
Sit and wait on the Lord may be the hardest of all spiritual commands for me. I suspect that is because, in truth, I'd rather sit and wait than take the risk of moving on out...but that is the reasoning mind at its least useful. There is usually an underneath meaning in spiritual commands, and my take on this one is: Sit and wait with my thoughts entirely focused on the Lord and the things of the Lord, not on the problem that I'm wrestling with.
Turning our eyes away from our perceived problem to most anything is the first step and obviously hard...if we weren't obsessing with a problem we wouldn't be needing to turn from it.
The second step is focusing our thoughts. Speaking of hard, trying...even when we want...to focus and stay focused on lilies of the valley when Gertrude needs the back of the hand qualifies.What's that old spiritual? Hard ain't it hard, trying to love the Lord? Or something like that. It is for me for sure.
But the reward! Actually, it's the reward that isn't a reward. It's the splinter in our Soul that turns into our sliver of gold that brings peace to our heart and Soul. Ah, and we know it.
God is so good to us.
Thank you.
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