THERE IS NO ENOUGH

So, here's my blinding flash that this illness is my sliver of gold. I was in the ER Monday at 10:00 or 11:00 AM, and I remembered that it is said we only get to God through great love or great suffering. I had just experienced the greatest pain of my life, screaming into a pillow at 3:00 AM with Ruckus licking my tears, and my not even noticing him...just remembered it in the ER.

Apparently, without consciously knowing it, my subconscious had figured that my test was to be in learning to give and to accept love which does not come easy to me; that my great suffering had been taken care of more than sufficiently in the '60s and '70s.

I realized that which I already knew: Suffering works just like love works...it does not stop, is never marked "Enough" and put aside...there will always be another chance to experience great suffering and/or great love...that IS how our realization and our experience of God grows. We cannot keep God in a box just as we first realized him...not if we are growing. And we are growing whether we know it or not.

So I could sincerely say to God this morning, if more suffering is what I need, more suffering is what I want...for you, for you.

[Sidebar: My ego, a.k.a., Lucy, quickly added, "Just don't make me suffer at that first hospital I went to, OK?" Here's why we all need a God of our own understanding...my God loves Lucy and just grins when she's on parade.]

Thank you.