YOU CAN'T MAKE WHAT HAPPENED UNHAPPEN

In Eknath Easwaran's daily reader today, he quotes Gandhi in his belief that non-violence must be practiced in all areas of one's life, else it has no practical value: "...even avoiding a person we dislike can be a subtle form of violence."

He writes of elephant nettles which grow in his native land. (This is a giant, fierce-looking plant, and just walking by, it stretches out to sting you, leaving a terrible blister that won't let you think of anything else.)  "A self-willed person is like an elephant nettle. Go near him...give him your sympathy and help take the sting out of his nettleness."

Isn't that the same thing, the same action, we must take toward our own elephant-nettle thoughts? Our elephant-nettle thoughts, i.e., judgments, of others and ourselves. Even if avoiding those thoughts were an option, it would be another form of violence, not the path on which we choose to walk.

Inviting those judgments out of their hidey-hole, embracing them actually, rather than trying to hold them at bay, does take the sting away from them.

I've been hiding from my thoughts about last Sunday's mauling of Ruckus. I fell so completely apart, I was of no use at all to the little guy. The attacking dogs' owner got to him, pulled him away, held him and comforted him while I was immobilized. I haven't even allowed myself to fully look at that...every time my thoughts start to go there, I immediately shut down, saying, "I am so sorry. I am so sorry."

I finally looked it in the face last night. And the fact is that I am sorry I wasn't able to be the comforter for him, but I can't in truth blame me or beat me up or lie about it. I can accept that I was incapable of action and be real grateful that she could and did do the necessary. And, just as important, accept that she should have had her dogs on leash.

There, that's the two equally important components to my avoidance: 1) I wasn't there for my baby; 2) she should have had her dogs on leash. Both are facts...and it is important to understand that just because a fact is harsh does not mean it is a judgment.

The judgment to part 1 comes when I think, "I wasn't there for my baby, therefore, I am bad, unfit to be his mama." And to part 2, when I think, "She should have had her dogs on leash then this wouldn't have happened in the first place. She is worse than I am."

There is no way of knowing but what my not comforting him kept him from identifying me as the cause, and, had her dogs been on leash, but what something worse might have happened, letting her off the hook entirely.

Stick with what is. Accept it without fear or fantasy. It doesn't make unhappen what happened, it just takes the sting out of the nettleness.

Thank You.