HERE COMES GOD'S WILL IN DISGUISE

It's a puzzlement. How can I experience, time and time again, my worst fear turning into my greatest gift, and still with a dread coming to me, my first thought is, how can I to avoid this? 

Many years ago I was going for an interview for an important (to me) job. I don't show well in interviews, and my only prayer to God was to get me through it without my anxiety showing. More specifically, to get me through it without having an anxiety attack. That was my only prayer, and, truth to tell, it was more begging than praying. 

I was rigid with fear, holding onto self-control...holding onto self...and the interviewer gave me an application to fill in. Just as I was signing my name, anxiety slammed me. I started shaking, rigidity became a pool of sweat, I couldn't hold onto the pen, self-control flew out the door. I just sat there, knowing I'd be working somewhere else, probably McDonald's, and that's only if I got lucky.

And here came my miracle. The interviewer, an older, rigid, righteous and right-looking lady said, "Oh, my dear, do you suffer anxiety, too?" (Get that? "TOO!") 

With that, my eyes and nose started running simultaneously, and I could only nod my head and wonder what was happening. 

What was happening was she stopped the interview, we shared our hate of anxieties, she asked me a few more questions, said, "I think you're just what we need for this job,” and I was hired. 

As I walked out the door, I knew, had I been able to hold onto my self, I would never have gotten the job. I was blessed with the insight that I had presented myself to the interviewer as rigid, righteous and right, and a tish above it all to boot. It was the humanizing anxiety attack that got me my job. God's will rarely comes looking like a pot of gold...probably because it's better than that.

To get back to my original thought: With that as my very own experience, why, when I see a dread coming to me, is my first thought still how to avoid it? But, to give myself points, my second thought is: Here comes God's will in disguise.

Thank you.