I wrote in 1980 in my "God Calling" that "since I started trying to live the Sermon, I've never felt more dense...is this the praying for patience principle? Or is this the way God wants me to be, and I'm doing it right?" I was at that time going through what I termed "a spiritual dry place," and it was exceedingly painful.
Looking back, I bless that spiritual turning point when my reality was me...dense, disconnected, uncomfortable...alone, in its scariest sense. I can bless it because it took that for me to finally shuck my self-determined security blanket, i.e., my reasoning mind. I could not think of a way out and finally had to give up trying..."crash and burn" as the old saying goes.
The end started when I went to a meeting of a spiritual fellowship to which I belong and admitted that I did not know if there was a God, but there sure was none in my life right then.
What an ego buster! If I hadn't already been so miserable, I would have been mortified. But that was my low point...my surrender of my never-fail reasoning-mind armor that had always saved me (in my mind's eye at any rate).
It wasn't long after that my break-through came. I realized that I had been trying to keep the God of my understanding "in a box in my hip pocket." In other words, for my use whenever I needed Him just as I understood Him to be when first I learned that God could and would if sought.
That's when I learned that there is no God in yesterday nor in tomorrow. God can only be found here and now. God lives. God grows. We follow.
We learn to (as my then mentor said) "Cling to nothing...fly!"
Thank You.
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