FREE WILL RETURNED FOR GOD'S WILL

[The following is a reprint of a blog of mine from September 24, 2008.]

It is a comfort to me to know that the God of my understanding gifted me with free will to use as I choose. It is in returning my free will to God in exchange for His will that I’ve found my challenge.

I made my life’s goal the search for still more spiritual growth when I read that all my problems can be solved with spiritual principles.

I’ve had to start small, as in learning to deny myself my petty wants. For instance, it was a breakthrough for me when I realized that I got better “within” results when I chose to give over to another when I felt that the other had stepped on my toes, so to speak. 

The learning starts with my thoughts. Learning to live an attitude of gratitude…to discipline my thoughts so the first thing that comes to mind is “Thank You.”  No matter what occurs and without the same-old-same-old: why should I think ”thank you?” It wasn’t my fault. I’m innocent, s/he’s guilty.

I sometimes feel like I’m arm wrestling with God when I know, I know, I know what I need do…smile and step back…not give in to the almost irresistible urge to shoot a dirty look, saying nothing, just letting the offender know that s/he was wrong and I know it.

The pearl beyond price is the realization that it is only by returning my free will to God, for Him to use as He chooses, that He can and will use His will through me in my behalf…to go before me to make my crooked places straight. 

Thank You.

GOD'S WILL ALWAYS PREVAILS...IN TIME

When our free will counters God's will, our free will always wins...but God's will always prevails in time.

Since God's will is going to prevail, why not accept it first thing? Probably because the ego, where our free will lives, always needs something to go up against...to get over on.

That's the bottom line reason for discipline, discipline, and still more discipline. Why we consciously try to put the other person first, why we try to admit our errors asap, why we want to want God's will, rather than our own will, to be done in our life.

We have learned that our will is not our friend, that God's will is. We rein in our ego wants so that God can "go before us to make the crooked places straight."

We have to start somewhere, and we will seldom start when we're faced with a real ego-reducing crisis.

Thank You.

WAIT FOR IT

From an old note of mine: My inability to handle an intimate and equal relationship is my own state of consciousness unfolding...resist it not...neither dress it up to call it pretty...know it, name it, detach any judgment from it...and thank God.

I read that this morning just before I then read Goldsmith's, "All that is needed is the sincere desire to let today be your day of conscious oneness with God...," and I understood. Once we get that conscious oneness, we are peace attracting peace...love attracting love...joy attracting joy. That is how we show forth happy, joyous and free.

We do not see this and be free forever. That's a reasoning mind self-determined objective. This is our coming-back-to point...our turn-our-thoughts-around point. Turn from our current distraction to a sincere desire for conscious oneness with God here and now. 

Then wait for it.

Thank You.

GOD IS SO GOOD TO ME

Running on empty keeps chasing through my soul...or my liver, I'm never sure. I got the plug uglies. And there is nothing wrong...everything's going in the right direction, the weather is wonderful, Ruckus is well and so am I.

A childhood friend has passed. Not even a friend, but the older sister of a friend...who wasn't even a close friend. A kinda pain if I remember correctly...a know-it-all (as, of course, was I), and we went from first to twelfth grade together. Never getting any closer than we were in the first grade, and I must say I was then, am now, just as happy with that (as, no doubt, is she). 

Geez. I feel like that ding-dong who had an affair with the one-time presidential candidate while his wife was dying and has just written a book calling the now dead wife a witch.

At least I'm not snarking the one who died, who was a good person...I can say that since I barely knew her...three years difference in school is a whole 'nother lifetime. She got married two weeks after her graduation from high school, and I split town...actually, I split the state. But I do remember her as a quiet, kind person.

I think I'm feeling...nostalgic? no, homesick is how it feels...at any rate, I'm feeling that way because of all the names attached to the sympathy notes on line in my hometown newspaper. Wow, the memories. Almost all good ones...no really bad ones...just the names of people who were so important to me, and I to them, in my high school years.

I'm guessing this is why time has such a bad rep. All those cartwheels in our hearts, all those football Friday nights, Snowflake balls, hand-holding hayrides...we thought they'd never end.

That's viewing it all through my memory's eyes. Looking at me today, I live with cartwheels in my heart...just for different reasons now...one of which is no more of those dim-dam football Friday nights. Two minutes in football is at least an hour in real (my) time.

God is so good to me. If it weren't for God, I'd never change my mind, my attitude, my opinion...because of God, I know if I'm not feeling loving toward something, I'm going down that wrong road again.

Ruckus just came up and sat down on my feet...looking for love. Did I not just this minute write that God is so good to me? I only love it.

Thank You.

I WONDER....

[The following is reworked from a reprint of a blog of mine from July 31, 2010.]

Who was I before I was hurt?

How do I become that whole me again?

How do I shuck my shields?

Why can't I shuck my shields at will?...or can I?

Is it a matter of will?...or of grace? Is it my choice?...or am I chosen?

If one is chosen, aren’t we all chosen?

If Truth, to be true, must be proved, and cannot be proved by sheer will, how does one prove Truth without an act of will?

Is it as simple as making the decision?

Thank You.

MY EGO'S HOLY TRINITY

This morning's blinding flash of the obvious:

Me, myself and I are my ego's holy trinity.

My victim self lives in me, myself and I, flowing through to be used whenever I choose. I will so choose every time I forget I would rather have God's will done in my life than my will done in my life, no matter how pretty I dress up my will.

My victim cannot hurt me, harm me, make me sick or afraid...fear her not for God lives in every corner, crack and cranny in which she lives and has incalculably more power than she does...or than does any living person, place or thing or any imaginary power, masquerading as self-power in my thoughts. 

It is my good pleasure to release my victim with love into God's grace within me/without me and without resistance to her. 

Thank You.

GOD'S LAUGHTER

I have come to understand that anyone who treats me unkindly is my angel in disguise.

There was a person in my office in the early 90s who was a misogynist, and he treated me less than wonderfully. In a note in "God Calling" dated back then, I wrote, "Only I can pardon my persecutors. Only I can set them free." I knew I could do nothing to effect a change...that I needed to turn within, and I could.

Here's the tricky part, however. It took action on my part...the better part of the action was letting go of my fear of losing my job if I took affirmative action for myself. Long/short: I let go, faced the person and, without anger or malice, stated my "Enough," got an apology, and the harassment never happened again.

That was one of those seemingly terrible times that turned out to be the pearl beyond price on so many levels. It taught me first to ponder long and hard until I came to the gut-bucket realization that God had my back at any and all times. That even if by my taking action I got fired, God had that covered to, and I did not need to know how. Then I had to come to understand that I was trying to accept the wrong thing...I was trying to accept being treated poorly just to hold on to my job. Finally, I realized that I could and that I needed to take action for myself in the midst of my fear, knowing that God had my back, then go Nike...just do it.

In Eknath Easwaran's daily reader today: "...returning kindness for unkindness is not simply being kind to that particular person. You're being kinder to yourself, because you are undoing a compulsion, taking one more step towards being free."

Paradoxically, this is harder for me to do when it's just Sylvia Schloppenhoffer snubbing me or my job is not on the line. I  just need to not be as nasty as I want to be. Another one of God's jokes.

Thank You.

"NOTHING TO KILL OR DIE FOR"

[The following is a reprint from my blog of August 3, 2009.]

My first very own pet was a little seven-pound dog, a Maltese whose name was Ari…Ari of Aslan to be exact…Ari from the book Exodus, and Aslan from The Chronicles of Narnia, two of my favorite books. I loved that little guy with every drop of blood that was in me…and he loved me right back.

Ari was a wonderful learning tool for me…all he wanted was to love me, and if I wasn’t around, he’d love whoever was there. It came to me one day that I needed to depersonalize that…it wasn’t that all Ari wanted was to love me, it was that all Ari wanted was to love.

I realized that there is a little Ari at the core of all of us…all we really want is to love. We kid ourselves if we believe all we want is to be loved…or even to love and be loved. It is simply to love without concern for what comes back that is at the core of all of  us.

It is fear of that core that keeps it so tightly held, not recognized, denied.  Our core is God, our fear is self. It is only by letting go of self…protection, interests, wants…that we will truly open to our own core, the Father within.

For each of us to truly open to our own core will bring John Lennon’s song “Imagine” to life: “And the world will live as one.”

Thank You.

EXPECTATION V. ANTICIPATION

[Th following is a reprint of a blog of mine published October 28, 2010.]

I considered this morning the difference between expectation and anticipation. For whatever reason, to my ear, expectation has a negative connotation…but anticipation just sounds happy.

I checked my Websters (I may be the last person standing who still uses a hard-copy dictionary) just to see the exact meaning of each word.

Expectation: to look forward to (as a foregone conclusion)…which to me translates as “to look forward to with dread.”  Anticipation: to foresee and provide for beforehand…which to me is a hoped-for thing.

In anticipating a complete awakening in God consciousness, I can know it is taking place within me now. I have no idea how. It will display Itself through me. It already is.

In expecting an unfolded consciousness, I have my own idea what that means…enlightened, feeling at peace, knowing sunshine and rainbows. In other words: getting a whole new me. And right there…that is what keeps me stuck in my material state of mind. Even in thinking I’ll be getting peace of mind, loving kindness…all the pretties…I am still in it for the getting. Not getting these self-determined objectives leaves a vague feeling of “loser”…sunk by my own expectations.

Be still and know that I am God…I already am.

Thank You.

THE GOLDEN GOOSE

Learning doesn't count if we don't use what we're learning. That came to me this morning as an original thought...and then I remembered, "It's not old behavior if you're still doing it." Same difference.

Here's my problem: both of those are true, and I'm enchanted with them. I'll repeat one or the other too often today, count on it.

But will my behavior that caused the thought change?

It will change...but not until I'm ready. I know that I'll get ample opportunity to laugh at me doing the same old same old for awhile. That's my "thank you, Jesus," change. I can and do laugh at my slow-growth policy today. Enough with the self-flagellation...it never worked before, it's not going to get another try-out today.

The fact is, though, we can't get true relief laughing at ourselves in secret. It's the laughing at ourselves through others' ears that will start the change...because others won't be laughing for as long as we will. There's the attention getter, the golden goose that starts our change...finally seeing the naked truth as the result of our own sharing.

Thank You.

A DIFFERENT FRAME OF REFERENCE

[The following is a reprint of my blog of December 30, 2009.]

I was chatting with a friend recently about a difference we have…we’ve been friends for over 30 years, and we’ve always viewed the matter from two difference angles. I clearly remember back in the day pondering how to explain the matter to her so she’d recognize her error…and, of course, see that I am right.

I consider it pure grace that I never found it necessary to  go down that particular road. So we were really discussing it for the first time…discussing the how and the why of our difference rather than making the difference the biggie.

And my friend says, “We just have a different frame of reference, that’s all.”

I knew she was right, and I saw that it was important for me to incorporate those words in my conscious thinking…for there is the key to disarming my attack mind.

I was watching TV that night and one of the talking turkeys that I so disagree with came on…I usually grab the remote and switch channels when these people come into my world, but my attack mind continues to set them straight hours after the fact…and that’s when I’ve just caught a couple of their words because I really do change channels asap.

I grabbed the remote this time, too, but as I’m changing channels, I say right out loud, ”We have a different frame of reference.”  And I didn’t think about it again! And I did not think about it again. I am still basking in the peace of it.

My job now is to cultivate that in my conscious thinking…practice, practice, practice. I have learned these really important mini-breakthroughs require a lot of practice. Each seems so important at the time that I just know I’ll never forget it, so I forget about it! And it’s gone. I compare it to dreams…I awaken from a dream that I know is so important that’s there is no need to really wake up and write it down because there is  no way I’ll forget this one…and the next morning I can’t even remember what it referred to or who was even in it.

Discipline. Practice and discipline…I wish they had a better rep in my thinking. Like, why can’t I think of practice and discipline like I think of peppermint ice cream or Hawaii. Sigh.

Thank You.

THAT WHICH I SEEK, I ALREADY HAVE

I have a friend who is going through a period of self-doubt, seeing all her world as right except for her for whom she sees nothing but mud. It is so obvious to me, the exact nature of her wrong thinking, that I found it necessary to write it all out, and before I even started, I wrote my name at the top of the page...thank you, Jesus.

The bottom line in what I see as her error is her inability to claim her own goodness...that all her years of searching within and without have indeed been productive...positively productive.

I could not see me in that bottom line.

Then I read today's God Calling. There is my bottom line, spelled out: "Follow the path of obedience. It leads to the Throne of God. Your treasure, be it success necessary on the material plane, which will further the work of my kingdom, or the hidden spiritual wonders revealed by me to those only who diligently seek, this treasure lies at the end of the track."

And I realized that I already can and do show this forth.

There...that's my identity with my friend's inventory. My error is my inability to claim my own...my treasure, i.e., "success necessary on the material plane which will further the work of my kingdom."

I am successful within and without beyond my wildest dreams. My inability to believe this as truth is simply choosing to believe my own ego which will always dictate, "Not enough." No matter what is showing forth.

What a comfort. That which I seek, I already have.

Thank You.

MY WILL V. GOD'S WILL

[The following is a reprint of a previous blog of mine from October 31, 2008.]

I have ever found it a puzzle that my very best intentions so often run amok.

I can remember the many times that, on awakening, I would determine I was going to be a more loving person that day…usually in regret for the way I’d behaved the day before. And I’d no sooner walk out my front door than someone would come into my world, doing it wrong…didn’t much matter what “it” was, they were doing it wrong, and I’d just have to let them know…most often by silent scorn, which speaks louder than words.

I was thinking once about how friendships…true, good, seemingly forever friendships…are broken. How the reason for the break can be a simple difference of opinion, dressed up as Core Values and therefore immutable.

It seemed the way to avoid this should be simple. My idea: just make a commitment with my friends to always agree that the other one is right, no matter what the cause, which would clear the way for rational discussion.

Then my blinding flash of the obvious: for me, that is humanly impossible. No matter how good, pure, simple my solution seems to me to be, on my own, I will always default to me, my way, my will.

The difference in my will vs. God’s will is without God, without spiritual principles, it matters not how pretty I make my will sound, it’s still a self-determined objective…not of God.

If, however, I will make the effort to remember to turn to God when I sense any unknown coming, good or bad, and simply say “Thank You,” that opens the door for God’s perfect will to come forth.

There are times when I’m searching for God’s will in a given situation…I talk with my mentor, my friends, my confidants, I pray about it, I journal…in short, I do all the “right” things. And I go forth thinking I got God’s will here, and KA-BOOM…wrong, wrong, wrong. That, too, is God’s will.

If the end result initially looks wrong to me, I need to look deeper. I can’t think of any mistake I’ve made (and I’ve made way more than my share) that hasn’t eventually been beneficial to me…if only through a deeper sense of humility (of which I am never going to have too much).

God uses what I give him to use…what I am is what He perfects.

 Thank You.

THE ONLY ROAD WE HAVE

I used to wonder how we would tell the difference between "the still small voice" and delusion or even wishful thinking.

When I had my first what I called "a blinding flash of the obvious," I tended to discount its importance because it was so obviously true that anyone would know it and probably did know it because I knew it. Then more and more came, and I just referred to them as my "BFOs" and still did not realize this for the "still small voice."

But I knew within myself that these were not delusion nor wishful thinking, mainly because, in the beginning, they almost always clarified a spiritual truth my reasoning mind could not accept. As in, "We have given up fighting everything and everybody." How could that be true when my goal was peace of mind? I had tried that, and it did not work. I tried to give up fighting and just became a fighting doormat.

Then I remembered being gifted with an understanding of the Sermon's charge to "Resist not evil." I resisted those very words until out of the clear came a BFO reminding me that any compulsion I've ever had only grew uglier with a deeper hold on me the more I resisted it...tried to manage it, control it, stop it. I quit resisting, surrendered in a word, and I was freed of the compulsion. "What you resist, persists" is true.

I came to realize that the word "fighting" was my hook. I needed to quit fighting, i.e., resisting, the various people and things that I disagreed with and start trying to find a mutual space of agreement no matter how small the space. That's the sliver of gold.

"We have given up fighting everything and everybody" could then become "We have begun to accept everything and everybody." Then we have a peaceful return-to place...for we seldom are able to accept that which looks wrong to us just by saying that we accept it. We now know to look (and look repeatedly) within ourselves for the change...not out there to the person, the thing we are resisting.

The road to acceptance is not cheap...but it's the only road we have.

Thank You.

BLACK, WHITE, GREY

The following is a reprint from my blog of March 5, 2009.

I see me, in my dream, as this little black sheep amongst a flock of white ones.

I am into everything that I shouldn’t be into. The shepherd is constantly saying, “Don’t,” “Be careful,” “Look out,” “You know better than that.”

All the others, the white sheep, are peacefully grazing…with ever once in awhile a white sheep joining me in my “don’t” activities…and then another one, and once in a great while, I’ll graze peacefully.

I don’t particularly like me just as I am, so I ask, “Why did you put me in with this flock of all white sheep…don’t you know my black will get on them?”

My shepherd answers, “Yes, but you’ll notice ever once in awhile, their white gets on you.”

Later, I looked around, and the white flock was a tish less white, a subtle shade of gray. I looked down at myself, and I was a tish less black, a subtle shade of gray.

I looked beyond my shepherd, and there was the God of my understanding. Its face was pure light so I could not look upon it, though I saw that It was dressed in robes…of a subtle shade of gray.

And I knew that this is how we become One…not by resisting what we see in each other, but by accepting what we see as our own.

Thank You.

YOU CAN'T MAKE WHAT HAPPENED UNHAPPEN

In Eknath Easwaran's daily reader today, he quotes Gandhi in his belief that non-violence must be practiced in all areas of one's life, else it has no practical value: "...even avoiding a person we dislike can be a subtle form of violence."

He writes of elephant nettles which grow in his native land. (This is a giant, fierce-looking plant, and just walking by, it stretches out to sting you, leaving a terrible blister that won't let you think of anything else.)  "A self-willed person is like an elephant nettle. Go near him...give him your sympathy and help take the sting out of his nettleness."

Isn't that the same thing, the same action, we must take toward our own elephant-nettle thoughts? Our elephant-nettle thoughts, i.e., judgments, of others and ourselves. Even if avoiding those thoughts were an option, it would be another form of violence, not the path on which we choose to walk.

Inviting those judgments out of their hidey-hole, embracing them actually, rather than trying to hold them at bay, does take the sting away from them.

I've been hiding from my thoughts about last Sunday's mauling of Ruckus. I fell so completely apart, I was of no use at all to the little guy. The attacking dogs' owner got to him, pulled him away, held him and comforted him while I was immobilized. I haven't even allowed myself to fully look at that...every time my thoughts start to go there, I immediately shut down, saying, "I am so sorry. I am so sorry."

I finally looked it in the face last night. And the fact is that I am sorry I wasn't able to be the comforter for him, but I can't in truth blame me or beat me up or lie about it. I can accept that I was incapable of action and be real grateful that she could and did do the necessary. And, just as important, accept that she should have had her dogs on leash.

There, that's the two equally important components to my avoidance: 1) I wasn't there for my baby; 2) she should have had her dogs on leash. Both are facts...and it is important to understand that just because a fact is harsh does not mean it is a judgment.

The judgment to part 1 comes when I think, "I wasn't there for my baby, therefore, I am bad, unfit to be his mama." And to part 2, when I think, "She should have had her dogs on leash then this wouldn't have happened in the first place. She is worse than I am."

There is no way of knowing but what my not comforting him kept him from identifying me as the cause, and, had her dogs been on leash, but what something worse might have happened, letting her off the hook entirely.

Stick with what is. Accept it without fear or fantasy. It doesn't make unhappen what happened, it just takes the sting out of the nettleness.

Thank You.

THE WAY WE WERE...WHAT A HOOT!

An Englishman thinks he is moral when he is only uncomfortable.  -- George Bernard Shaw

Every time I read that, I crack up, and since it is in one of my daily readers, I read it once a year. Of course, the reason it tickles me is I can see the truth of it...about Englishmen. But, really, all I need do is change the "moral" to "spiritual" and put my name at the top of it, and there's me.

And there's the gift...because I do know that is me and that is funny, and I wouldn't have always known that. Given that one of my greatest fears was being thought a fool and laughed at for it, I can now know relief that I see me there and giggle.

I guarantee that is nothing I ever prayed for...or knew that I was praying for. Just another of God's mysteries...if we will turn our will and life over to the care of God,  He will clean us up. And we will crack our own selves up laughing at the way we were!

Thank You.

AGAIN: GO BEYOND REASON TO LOVE

Let no unkind thoughts of any dwell in your hearts.... Today's "God Calling"

Once we've learned to discipline our tongue, our thoughts are the next (seemingly impossible) hurdle to clear.

The very first unkind thought must be considered our "danger - do not enter" sign. We can be grateful for that one, as opposed to beating ourselves up for it, thus staying stuck there. It's our angel telling us to turn around immediately if not sooner, to go to another thought altogether. I like the thought of a lily of the valley, how it grows...or puppy dogs, good friends, Sunday night before a holiday Monday...any happy thought will work.

Staying at the danger zone, trying to think our way out of it, is akin to walking too close to quicksand just to feel the frisson of the forbidden...before we know it, we're up to our knees in ugly and sinking fast.

We think that the reason it is essential to discipline our thoughts is to be reasonably happy in life, of course. The real reason, though, is to use our faculties to make our contribution to life. Then we go beyond reasonably happy...to love.

Thank You.

RESISTANCE TO IS

It seems to me that many self-described atheists are just angry at God. Their resistance doesn't seem to be to God, but to others believing in God. And that resistance becomes their God.

Same goes with a great many Fundamentalists...of any religion, be it Christian, Islam, Buddhist, et al. Their chief motivator seems to be in resistance to any religion other than their own. And that resistance becomes their God.

I ponder this in order to motivate me to realize my resistance to today's political climate becomes my God the more I resist that with which and those with whom I do not agree.

The answer is not in cutting myself off from reading newspapers, watching news shows, listening to current events, which is actually the easier thing to do, but it is just another short-term self-determined objective.There is no spiritual growth there.

The lesson comes in hearing all the current events and not resisting that which I am hearing, or those who  carry a "wrong" message. The spiritual growth must come from hearing it and not attaching any judgment...good or bad...to it. Then, and only then, can I quit listening, reading, watching it...it will hold no interest to me at all.

Just this morning I read a note I'd written on this day in 1997 in my "God Calling." I had just learned that a good friend had grievously bad-mouthed me, and I was devastated...why? what'd I ever done? how?...a constant refrain in my mind.  

I had written that although I wanted to "talk it over" with her, I knew from too much personal experience that there was "no spiritual growth there. Today I commit to not entertaining thoughts of what I can say to her now or ever about this. Today I commit to let it be." I determined to watch and see how it all played out over time with my job being to keep my thoughts about her, about the situation, about any part of it as neutral as I could make them, knowing I would need to pull them back, repeatedly, giving them to God over and over.

I was amazed at the number of people who lovingly took no thought to her remarks with no bad-mouthing about her to me or by me involved.

Now, fifteen years later, I have complete peace regarding the entire situation. If not for my note in today's "God Calling," it would not exist to me. My friend passed away a couple of years ago with my heart and mind blessing her and thanking her for being a part of my still more spiritual growth.

This, too, is possible to me when, not if, I quit resisting the is-ness of today.

Thank You.

STILL MORE SPIRITUAL GROWTH...NEVER ENDING

What a yesterday my little guy and I had. Took him out at 9:00 AM before I left for my get-together, and we had just started out when a big old dog came out of nowhere and attacked him...with which two more came to join their party. Three unleashed dogs in a leash-law city with city signs stating "All dogs must be on leash" all around the place.

Long/short, the owner waded in, got Ruckus out, and leashed her dogs. I totally and completely fell apart and had to slap my hand over my own mouth to stop my screams.

I carried him back to the safety of our home, but when I put him down to walk, he could not put his left paw down. I immediately took him to the vet emergency hospital. According to the vet, he wasn't seriously hurt, x-rays show no breaks, probably strained his left shoulder/leg in trying to get away.

They gave him a pain killer, and I had such an emotional hangover that we spent the rest of the day just wrapped up with each other...him sleeping, me pondering.

I am relieved to say my first thought was not how I was going to make that woman pay for hurting my baby not to mention me, for her ignorance, for her arrogance, for just being.

My first thought was: Well, you say you have given up fighting everything and everybody...how you gonna do that here and now?

I knew that what I really wanted was for the owner to be shamed...and "be" rather than just "feel"  shame. "Be" to me suggests outside, all her world knowing and shaming her..."feel" is just inside so others don't know, no one is aware but her, so she won't be mocked and shunned. There. That's my reasoning mind's perfect payback world and worst fear in this world, both together.

I let that be real to me, thanked God I realized it, and then started turning the situation around, looking for my sliver of gold.

I pulled up the Sermon in my mind and told me now's the time to walk this..."if someone slaps you upside your head, turn the other cheek" came to me. I figured that's close enough, so I started thinking of all the positive I could about the owner, and how she did calm the situation immediately. She pulled Ruckus out and held him close and comforted him while getting her dogs calm at the same time...not to mention me. How she did that is way beyond me.

I hung in with those thoughts, with my reasoning mind just dying to say "YES, BUT...." I kept pulling it back to thank You until I felt the release from payback to gratitude. What a relief.

Then, just as I was ready to walk on water, she called to say she'd be over in ten minutes to give me the check for the vet emergency care. A half hour later and she still wasn't here!...well, you can forget the Sermon when someone is late. That is a non-negotiable, unpardonable sin, according to me...apparently. I called her, and let's just say, I doubt she's ever going to be late with me again.

The need for still more spiritual growth is never ending in my world.

Thank You.

NOW...JUST STAY HERE, NOW

I am reminded again that all I need do to upgrade my self-centered problem du jour is change my mind about it, or, more precisely, change the way I'm looking at it.

For instance, one of my rues, regrets and remorses used to wake me at 2:00 AM and be as real as if it happened five minutes ago, each time feeling worse, sinking my heart lower. It had to do with a time back in the day when in a blind fit of self-centered anger, I showed my true colors (puce and brown) to my small world and suffered embarrassment...which as the years flew by became in my mind humiliation, degradation, etc., etc., etc.

One dark night in my imaginings I was wondering for what did that need to happen? Where was God then? And I realized that I had no way of knowing but what my self-centered, uncontrolled anger might have caused considerably worse to happen but for the intervention of my angels. I could very well have gotten in my car, and, driving out-of-control, hit someone and killed them...killed a mother and her baby...or a dog...the ugly possibilities are endless, all of them so much worse than simply embarrassing myself. I no longer suffer regret over that happening.

I use this today for any coulda, woulda, shoulda thought whether I'm back in the day or anywhere but here and how.

My mind, left to wander freely, will almost always find something to natter me about. I've learned to be ready to change channels immediately if not sooner...thank You is my quick-start solution. If I debate for a second, shoulda wins every time. So a quick thank You for the very thing I'm ready to regret removes the resistance, and I can find a new way of looking at it. This all takes less than a minute, and I'm over building more rues, regrets and remorses.

Thank You.

TRUE PEACE OF MIND

[This is a reprint of a blog of mine that ran on January 15, 2010.]

It seems like forever ago when I got a glimmer of understanding about the difference between self-knowledge through therapy and self-knowledge through spiritual growth.

My short form version is that therapy helps me take care of myself, stand up for myself, defend myself, in short. Spiritual growth brings me into the awareness that I am taken care of, all my needs have already been met, that God has my back.

My job today is to be ever vigilant in not taking over God’s job…and the simplest (not easiest) way is by letting the other person off the hook. I have read that it is a spiritual axiom that whenever I am upset, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with me. And, in general, I do not get right with me by going to whomever I’m calling the cause of my upset to “talk it over.”

But the fact is I am a work in progress, and I will be till three days after I’m dead. I do know that saying nothing when I’m hurt or angry is sometimes simply breeding a resentment and calling it spiritual growth.

My spiritual growth requires a lot of foot work…I first have to check me out; i.e., has this happened before? If so, what was my part in it then? and now? I’ve never let anybody off the hook when I truly believed they were 100% wrong…or more precisely I was 100% right. Once I get a fix on my part, I find it a lot easier to truly try to understand the motives of the other person, why s/he used the hurtful words or actions…and even when I don’t agree they were right, the understanding releases my resentment which is paramount to me.

But my underlying reason must ever be not for my peace of mind alone, but for all concerned’s peace of mind…there is no true peace when only one walks away whistling.

Thank You.

CLING TO NOTHING...FLY!

I wrote in 1980 in my "God Calling" that "since I started  trying to live the Sermon, I've never felt more dense...is this the praying for patience principle? Or is this the way God wants me to be, and I'm doing it right?" I was at that time going through what I termed "a spiritual dry place," and it was exceedingly painful.

Looking back, I bless that spiritual turning point when my reality was me...dense, disconnected, uncomfortable...alone, in its scariest sense. I can bless it because it took that for me to finally shuck my self-determined security blanket, i.e., my reasoning mind. I could not think of a way out and finally had to give up trying..."crash and burn" as the old saying goes.

The end started when I went to a meeting of a spiritual fellowship to which I belong and admitted that I did not know if there was a God, but there sure was none in my life right then.

What an ego buster! If I hadn't already been so miserable, I would have been mortified. But that was my low point...my surrender of my never-fail reasoning-mind armor that had always saved me (in my mind's eye at any rate).

It wasn't long after that my break-through came. I realized that I had been trying to keep the God of my understanding "in a box in my hip pocket." In other words, for my use whenever I needed Him just as I understood Him to be when first I learned that God could and would if sought.

That's when I learned that there is no God in yesterday nor in tomorrow. God can only be found here and now. God lives. God grows. We follow.

We learn to (as my then mentor said) "Cling to nothing...fly!"

Thank You.

FAITH WITHOUT WORKS IS FANTASY

I like the simplicity of only two commandments...first, love God with all your heart, soul, body and brains, and second, love your neighbor as yourself.

I like the simplicity of the words, but doing them is a whole 'nother story...a whole 'nother life in fact.

I'm guessing it's so difficult to show only love even to those who "despitefully use" us because:

1. if it comes from our reasoning mind, it's a self-determined objective, thus of the material world and gives an ego message, open for another's misinterpretation;
2. the reasoning mind then resists the other's misinterpretation, withdraws, comes back as attack attitude;
3. attack attitude invites attack in fact.

To show forth the love that is in God, we must first accept unto realization that that love is already within us. Unless and until we accept it unto realization, it is understanding from the eyebrows up and not of God.

However, that is precisely why we have the Sermon, "a guide and code of human conduct to follow" while learning to live a turned-over-to-God life. It tells us this is the way we must walk/live, believing or not believing, in order to come to acceptance unto realization. We will never get there if we sit by the wayside and ponder it..."analysis leads to paralysis."

I get to simply show Gertrude (who has said some hateful things about me) lovingkindness (and you know she'll think she's right and tell everybody...). Same goes with Hubert (and who knows what all he'll tell?).  

It is in the "let them think" that our thinking, our life, changes...from gritted-teeth resistance to acceptance. It may or not change them, but it does change us. It releases us from reactive thinking and feeling to active lovers of our own being which love flows out from us to others, attracting the same to us. 

Thank You.

NO RUES, REGRETS AND REMORSES

Most of my today's rues, regrets and remorses are me re-thinking what/how I did something and r.r.r.'ng that I didn't do it another way. When, in fact, had I done it another way, I'd be r.r.r.'ng that for the same reason.

I was remembering this morning a young man sitting alone in his wheelchair outside of Hospice a couple of years back. I walked by, paused and exchanged nice-nice, and went on. This morning my thoughts went to how he was clearly dying, he was at hospice for heaven's sake and all alone outside, I shoulda stopped and chatted, I shoulda...what? Made it all better for him? How?

How do I know he wasn't grateful that I didn't stop and interrupt his time alone...that may have been his one wish, i.e., to be alone, away from people trying to make it all better for him.

I sent a quick thank You that I did it exactly as I did it and recognized again that that is how I let go of r.r.r.s...find the gold in it the minute the remorse rears its ugly head, and thank God that I am guided by spiritual principles today. That when (not if) I fail and go for yet another self-determined objective, with nobody but me in mind, I know what to do.

Sidebar: I was reminded that spiritual principles are my guide today because of a happening just last week when some friends and I were at dinner. I was talking and one friend interrupted to say she didn't want to talk about it. To which I snapped, "Then don't talk...listen." I immediately knew that was rude and wrong and said so..."That was mean, and I apologize." She smiled and indicated that she was good with that, and it was over.

We're still friends, and still more spiritual growth...on both our parts...gets all the credit.

Thank You.

ALLOWING THE FORCE TO FLOW

In the ultimate analysis, our resentments and hostilities are not against others. They are against our own alienation from our native state, which is cosmic consciousness. -- Eknath Easwaran, "Words to Live By," June 5.

Cosmic consciousness is simply our consciousness once we decide and do turn our will and our lives over to a Power greater than ourselves. Which does not mean that we have turned our will over to some outside force...no, the Force is and has always been within us. We can then live in peace knowing that God has our back...from within out and back again. And our consciousness is raised.

Getting in arguments, building resentments is simply lowering our own consciousness to our reasoning mind, a.k.a., self-will, level. And God bless the child who is still living in the belief that his reasoning mind is her protector.

Our reasoning mind is our guide for day-to-day living, but, if we expect to live a reasonably happy life, we do learn to discipline our reasoning mind to think of others' needs first. In other words, learning to live by the Sermon rather than by the dictates of our own wants dressed up as needs.

Here's my rule for getting out of reliance on my reasoning mind: Learning from experience that what I  give I get back...the good, the bad, the ugly and the pretty. Once I experienced that enough, even my reasoning mind could realize, good and pretty are the way to go...only of myself, I am incapable of living there. It is the turning within that allows the Force to flow and do the good for me...if I'm still into the bad and the ugly, I'm on my own.

It is the turning within that allows the Force to flow and do the good for me, and my consciousness is raised...if I'm still into the bad and the ugly, I'm on my own...and I'm back into self-will consciousness.

A cheap and easy reminder for staying in cosmic consciousness: Every time I sling mud at another, I sling mud in my own face...and it does leave stains for all my world to see.

Thank You.

ON MAKING SILENT, GRATEFUL AMENDS

I had an incredibly wonderful experience when I was home. The wonder of it keeps growing deeper within me.

I had not yet seen my mother's grave site with the headstone engraved which was the main reason I made the trip back. As I stood there in the cemetery, at the foot of my parents' graves, I felt a stillness within me...a sense of rightness.

Without thought, without pre-planning, I silently told my folks that I had turned out well, that they could be proud of me. I recognized them as the core of me, the originators who put me on the right path, going in the right direction. I also acknowledged that each and every wrong turn I'd taken in my life was me going off that path.

And I thanked them...thanked them for always being there for me...even, and especially, at that moment.

The rest of the incredibly wonderful experience is I knew they heard. I knew that it gave them peace, and I knew peace.

Thank You.

GRATEFUL NON-RESISTANCE

Remember that Love is the power that transforms the world. -- "God Calling," June 3

Love is simply grateful non-resistance.

Grateful non-resistance is acceptance, and it is active...happy, joyous and free.

Ungrateful non-resistance is resignation, and it is passive...a doormat.

Praise through grateful non-resistance is the only tool with which "fear, depression, despair and a sense of failure" can always be driven out...and with no harmful side effects.

We so seldom choose that road because it requires discipline of self and "it takes too much time," and, did I mention? It requires discipline of self...in other words, self-discipline.

It is written that all things are possible to me through God. It just takes time, and it requires self-discipline, the two things most of us refuse to allow..."I want it...I want it now...I want it done for me." All we need do to change that want is to praise the fact that it just takes time, and it requires self-discipline.

A little-recognized fact: A simple "thank you" is praise, and it requires no belief in its efficacy...just repeat "thank you" a lot, and miracles start to happen...after a time.

Thank You.

LOVING ME...WARTS AND ALL

Getting to know ourselves from within is a never-ending journey...no, accepting what we have gotten to know about ourselves is never-ending, at least as far as I'm concerned.

I know, and have known for too long, that I have little to no patience with people on TV who...and you can fill in the blank. People period. Then drop the "on TV" because who's kidding whom...I can be sitting with a group of people I love, and if one of them scratches my perfect spot, my mind sits up, judges, and does a silent rant then or later...or then and later.

Now I know that about myself...have tried to change/stop it...have offered it to God (who apparently doesn't want it either)...the only thing left is acceptance. But, hey, a little bit of snark never hurt anybody...or, to sound a tish more spiritual, gives one humility. (It's a pity "sound" doesn't equate with "be.")

But there it is...my truth. All this is because I just watched a man on TV be a flaming...um, a bit more human than I care for. And I immediately started beating me up for being me. It may be pitiful but it sure is me. And here's me getting an attitude about it now. I love me.

Thank You.

LEARNING TO WALK FREE IN OUR OWN HEAD

We are told in order "to heal relationships, we have to move closer to people we do not like...." (Eknath Easwaran, "Words to Live By," May 1.)

We are told, "If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town." (The Bible, Matthew 10:14).

I thought for so long that those two meant the exact opposite of each other until I saw the tie that binds them in the words "shake the dust off your feet."  In other words, we pick up no resentment, nor grounds on which our ego can (at 3:00 AM) begin to build a resentment. 

In moving closer, when we are met with positive, just a tish of positive, we respond positively. In moving on, we take not even a dust bunny with which to build a resentment later...nor do we leave any behind for others to misuse. It has been said that it is better to give a resentment than to get one...it is not. The resentment we give will live within us long after it has ceased to concern the one to whom we gifted it. 

In moving closer, we don't become a doormat or obey others without thought. That is simply self, determining how to curry favor to avoid unknown but feared contact. We learn how to not react in kind...which started with our accepting that God can and will intervene in our lives in our behalf. Then we do no harm, cause no hurt to others, thus ensuring that we ourselves cause no hurt to ourselves. 

This is the way we learn discernment...when to hold 'em, when to fold 'em. There are those who will never welcome us or be welcomed by us. To move on is to leave without getting or giving a resentment. 

Do no harm...then we can walk free in our own head, the only place true freedom can be found.

Thank You.