KEEPING OUR SELF CENTERED

I am free to use all [my] capacities to alleviate the suffering of those around me. In living for others, I come to life. – Eknath Easwaran, today’s “Words to Live By”

I heard a speaker yesterday make the point that is so essential to freedom from self. He said, in effect, that it is in living for others that we are opened to God's gift to us...the gift of God Itself. His message was quite moving. For it is true. It is not enough to live to help only our family, our community, our friends...we must be ready, willing and available to help whomever comes to us in need...and especially those with whom we are less than enchanted. Those who are wrong in other words.

It is only by allowing into my life those with whom I disagree that I discover they are truly my angels...for nothing and nobody sends me to God so quickly...so sincerely. That is when I understand the words, "Help me to seek to understand rather than seek to be understood," not to mention,  "Relieve me of the bondage of self" which becomes my mantra.

The balancing act, that which requires us to turn to God, is in keeping our own Self centered, in keeping our own primary purpose in life first in our consciousness. For if we lose our center, forget our primary purpose, we are less than useless. We are back to being self-centered…where none other is allowed entrance into our consciousness, and certainly not a higher power, for sure not God...where we are alone again, naturally.

Thank You.

ON QUOTING ANOTHER

My morning's blinding flash of the obvious: When I'm quoting another's analogy (and it's clever, funny, deep...quotable in a word) as if it were my own, I am not learning the lesson of the analogy. I'm going for the ego-victory.

I must find my own within me, then accept unto realization that that did not originate with me. It was voiced at sometime somewhere else...my ears did not necessarily even hear it. It is then mine, but not original to me so that my ego does not get involved.

If I'm quoting what I heard, I must give credit to whom and/or where I heard it or my ego takes credit and the lesson is lost to me.

Thank You.

ST. FRANCIS'S PRAYER IN MY HEART

I wrote my annual letter to God this morning.

Over the years, it has really become a thank-you note. I remember in my first letter to God I asked for an emerald ring...I remember because 35 years later I inherited an emerald ring. I'd forgotten I ever wanted one until I inherited it, and I had to grin...proof that my timetable and God's are waaay different...and His always wins.

Considering that I haven't asked for anything...any material thing...in a long, long time, it's mind-boggling how much I have had in 2012 to thank God for. I filled two pages with thanks...all of them important, none of them wearable, touchable, driveable (I once asked for a Mercedes, too...oh, great thought...wouldn't it be neat if my hearse were a Mercedes!).

Having spelled out many of my this year's reasons to be thankful, I am filled with such peace, such an inward  feeling of security, of being loved, cared for, needed...ah, but more important, I'm just realizing, is my outward flowing feeling of all those things. It is St. Francis's prayer in my heart...it does feel better to seek to care for than to seek to be cared for.

God is so good to me.

Thank You.

REASON...JUST ONE MORE OF GOD'S TOOLS

We cannot solve the problems of the mind with the mind. -- The Buddha

Whenever I come across that quote, I know it for true...then I spend the next ten minutes pondering how it is true, why it is true....

Our reasoning mind will not retire quickly, nor quietly. It is interestingly pathetic how long we will cling to the belief that reason is our safety net...that "victory can be ours for the thinking." When it is the detachment from reliance on our reasoning mind that sets us on the path to freedom.

Reason is essential on the long and winding road to the realization that reason is just one more tool of God's, not our safety net, not our security. Reason, if used properly, clears the channel for God's thoughts to pour through. Reason is God's Roto-Rooter, if you will.

Our mistake is relying on the Roto-Rooter instead of God.

Thank You.

IT IS OUR CHOICE

It is the material (reasoning) mind that we reflect when we fear, judge, gossip and whine...it is not personal to us. It only becomes ours when we personalize it, clinging to it to let it go. We make it our tar baby.

We have a choice...to live in the material world or the spiritual world. But we must remember the hook: We cannot move freely back and forth.

Once we make the decision...i.e., surrender to living consciously in God consciousness...we no longer have the option to choose the material mind for an hour or two or three so we can feel comfy and "fit in" or get back at or get over on...and then move back to the spiritual mind. No. Our new goal must be to fit in here on earth, living comfy in spiritual consciousness. That is the lesson learned...to be in the world but not of it.

We have a choice...material mind or spiritual mind? "Choose ye this day whom ye shall serve."

Thank You.

30 YEARS OF GOOD ORDERLY DIRECTION

Recently, I came across a little book that, starting in 1971, I read daily until the mid '80s. It's been fascinating to read my written notes of important things to me with the year noted. Fascinating because some of the things are so unbelievably petty and others so much more important than I knew or could have known when I wrote them.

For instance, of importance, on December 26, I had written in 1982 that I had a new mentor and his name. That is my same mentor today. I am simply whopper-jawed. That is 30 years ago. Today.

I just sent him an e-mail thanking him for agreeing back then to be my mentor, but more important, for not backing out at any time...with ample cause!...over the years.

Again, God is so good to me.

Thank You.

THE CHOICE IS SIMPLE

G. K. Chesterton, when asked what the trouble with the world is, replied, "I am." I doubt he was the first to know that, to say that, he just said it more succinctly than others. So this is no great secret, has not been a secret for a long, long time.

Why, then, am I always taken by surprise when it again proves true to me?

And why does it always feel so good when I can point you toward your bathroom mirror when you're complaining about another, and tell you to look in your own eyes, and say, "I am looking at the problem."

The answer, of course, is in the ego. The ego is ageless and will always legislate for itself. The secret to taming the ego is to get grateful for it, get grateful that it makes it so easy to see that we're going down that wrong road again if we're doing its dictates.

We're powerless over our ego's voice, but in that very powerlessness, we find our choice...God or ego? The choice is simple...get grateful or get screwed.

Thank You.

TRUE KINDNESS IS EGOLESS

Why don't we try kindness first? Why isn't kindness our go-to reaction? Why do we immediately react in kind to perceived slights, snubs, snags and snares? Then feel good about ourselves when we go one better and get over on  the originator of the slights.

Some great person once asked the question, "What wisdom can you find that is greater than kindness?"

Really...ponder that. Just ponder returning kindness for ill-will, kindness for unkindness. Let's face it, most of  the great spiritual leaders of the ages have taught love is the answer, no matter the question...that we give love. Why not try showing kindness first if love is too deep a dig to begin with.

A friend told me of a marvelous response to a questionable observation: Someone said to her, "Looks like you've put on some weight." And she replied, "No, I really haven't, but nice of you to notice." And they both smiled.

I love that. Because the observation could have been an invitation for a cat-fight or for  hurt feelings, both of which invariably end up in resentment with one or the other determined to get payback.

Sometimes kindness has the ring of goody-two-shoes, but if we're being kind just to make nice-nice, we're going down that wrong road again...the one known as Self Will.

True kindness finds a way to turn ill-will back not with a snark but openly, with a smile. That's the hidden pearl in kindness...it brings a smile to the lips of all concerned. That's probably because true kindness has no ego in it...it's of God, not of self.

Thank You.

LIVING LOVINGKINDNESS

[The following is a reprint of a blog of mine of  December 22, 2008.]

I was thinking this morning of lovingkindness, and what a peaceful word that is.

Then I thought simply of kindness, and a little prayer started to form, in effect asking for more kindness. Before the prayer formed, the answer was there…I already have all the kindness there is to have…all I need do is show it, put it out there, use it.

This is not new information, of course. I learned long ago that as long as I keep asking to be kinder, more loving, more generous, less judgmental…all the goodies…the more I deny the kindness I have, the love I am already filled with, and so forth.

The real problem is the fool-myself Catch-22…I feel downright righteous about asking for all these fine-sounding, God-approved things, totally ignoring the fact that all that I seek was bestowed in me before conception.

It is the act of giving over to another, in lovingkindness, that primes the pump for all the goodies to flow. And it is the lovingkindness that requires still more spiritual growth. My human nature, my ego-victory mind, does not give over just because I want to. To give over by keeping my mouth shut (and thinking judgmental thoughts) is just breeding a  resentment.

Living lovingkindness, then, is the goal.

Thank You.

BE STILL AND KNOW...PEACE

"Let There Be Peace On Earth and Let It Begin With Me" -- Author Unknown

Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin within me.

Thank You for my peace on earth that begins within me.

Thank You for my peace on earth that flows forth from within me.

Thank You.

HIDING IN THE EXPLANATION

Too often those of us who believe in, and practice, self-examination find the root cause of our misery...and stay there. We recognize that when mother/father/sister/brother did X, we hid from the pain in fear...lying/cheating/becoming an over- or under-achiever...which protected us, helped us feel in control.

Having found a legitimate, even acceptable, reason for our behavior, we hunker down...admitting freely the cause of our defect of character...thinking the admission means we're free of it or at least that we can't be blamed for it. ("Now, you'll understand me, and let me continue to lie/cheat, etc.")

No, what it means is that we are hiding in the explanation.

If we are ever to be truly free of our own selves, we now begin to understand the true meaning of  letting go, of becoming humble enough to "sit and wait on the Lord." It has been written that in seeing the defect of character, our work is done and God's has begun.

Now, the hardest part: We consciously thank God for doing whatever He knows to be best, leave it with Him, and seek to help another...asap. The reason that is the hardest part is it takes our minds off us, asking only that we focus on the needs of another.

Thank You.

ALL ANGER IS VICTIM BASED

I read once, and I have come to believe, that there are only two emotions: fear and love. All other emotions bloom from those.

It is my contention that fear's first bud is hurt, the briefest feeling of hurt, which immediately springs forth as anger or self-pity, depending on our bent, but both are victim based. That slight feeling of unease which flashes hurt goes one of two ways: 1) anger to cover up the hurt which justifies hurting in retaliation; or 2) magnified hurt to justify hurting in retaliation.

We angry ones lie to ourselves when we believe our anger is proof of our non-victimhood. Unresolved anger is the cloak of the victim.

Same goes for self-pity which we hurt ones wear as if it were a crown of martyrdom...enviable in our own minds. Its only goal is to hold to the hurt so the one who hurt us...hurts. Self-pity is another cloak of the victim.

What we fail to understand is that all temptations to fear are projected from within our own selves. They are the ego made manifest...looking to glorify itself, to protect itself, to defend itself.

We perceive our projected fear as an attack from another that must be put down, rather than realizing it as an invitation from our own ego. Our ego always legislates for itself, attempting to show its power, i.e., the non-existence of a power greater than itself. It only succeeds in keeping God out.

There is nothing to fear but fear itself. There is no self to protect. The Father and I are One.

Thank You.

GOD'S WAY IS BETTER THAN MY WAY

God makes no distinction between good people and bad people. -- "God Calling," December 17

I pray that I may live as though my mind were a reflection of the Divine Mind. --  "God Calling," December 18

Twenty-six people...twenty mere babes...murdered in school in Newtown, CT -- headlines worldwide, December 22, 2012

I read and must be gratified that at least I know from my eyebrows up that God's way is better than my way.

My job today, until eternity most like, is for my still more spiritual growth to be the dissolution of my resistance not toward forgiving the killer, but toward forgiving those who justify the existence and use of assault weapons...anywhere.

Again I read and must be gratified that at least I know from my eyebrows up that God's way is better than my way.

Thank You.

A WORK IN PROGRESS

My morning BFO: The reason it is impossible to live in God consciousness is that there is no ego-victory there.

The promise is, if we live in God consciousness, that we will know peace, we will walk free in our own minds, we will show forth the joy of living. All of which are WOW, and I want...but where are the well-earned accolades for being so selfless?

There's our answer to why ego reduction in depth is a never-ending quest...just go ahead and put it on our daily 2-Do list and get grateful. Which sounds fairly oh-well-hell, but it truly is the good news. 

How to set Bill straight or to ensure that Gertrude doesn't get over on me, or that they get theirs according to me...none has a place on our mental 2-Do list any longer. Now, it's how to recognize that Bill has a reasonable point that I can work with, that Gertrude's getting over on me will not define me in any way (nor will it benefit Gertrude), that they'll get theirs same as I'll get mine...and my job is to ensure that mine is of God, not of me. 

It is the daily ego-reduction-in-depth that keeps our focus on God. For none of these exercises is possible if we are relying on the reasoning mind...it will not, it cannot get us there. This may be as close as we are supposed to get to living in God consciousness on this earth.

We are, indeed, a work in progress...if we will let God work us, we'll progress.

Thank You.

THE SWEETNESS OF THE LORD

The reason it's relatively easy for me to "forgive" the Newtown killer, of course, is he did not personally affect me...my sensibilities, for sure, but not my inner "offended" place.

Gertrude, on the other hand, personally offended me with her careless put-down remark, and my thoughts are ever so buy plotting ways to make her pay.

I am reminded, again, that forgiveness is not just not giving a rap. That's simply getting over oneself.

Forgiveness, I believe, comes from and after a long struggle with our own self. It must come from our conscious surrender to our inability to let go of our attachment to our fear, hate, love of the perceived offender, his/her action, its very being.

It's about consciously turning to God seeking to know his love...his love for the other, for us, for anybody and for everybody...simply seeking the love of God be made manifest to/through us. This end result is not/cannot be a human action. Turning to God is the conscious decision we must make in the midst of our own pain of crashing and burning in personal defeat.

Ah, there, then comes the sweetness of the Lord.

Thank You.

'MINE ENEMIES' ARE WITHIN, NOT WITHOUT

[The following is a reprint of my blog of December 29, 2008.]

“Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies….” The 23rd Psalm

It was a huge surprise to me when I realized this for a comforting promise. Part of the comfort came in learning who “mine enemies” are, and that they are inside me, exactly where my God lives.

He has prepared a table before me in the presence of my enemies, which to me is always fear masquerading as pride, greed, lust, anger, gluttony, envy, sloth and any other negative I’m feeling. When one or more start to battle for my attention (at my table), I get to react not at all…just turn my attention immediately to God and remember, “Not my battle, God…and I thank You.” (I said that I get to; I did not say that I always do…but if I want peace, I always have to come to that, eventually.)

The other part of the comfort is knowing exactly who “mine enemies” are not.

They are not people. There are people who love me and people who don’t, and at any given time those who love me can feel like my enemies, but that’s usually because we’re each certain we are right on some irrelevant matter. We get to merge our opinions until we both feel right and good about our opinion. 

Those who don’t love me are life’s emery board…I get to rub against that board until I’m smooth and non-resistant, meaning I no longer react to my stuff that I see in them…and we each move on.

Thank you.

NEWTOWN, CONNECTICUT

My thoughts are for the family and friends today. Those who must pick up the pieces of their hearts and move forward...haltingly, barely moving to begin with. Knowing that there will always be missing pieces...their hearts will never be whole again.

Their little angels have become in a terrible flash our little angels...they do belong to the universe now.

And for the poor, misguided killer...my uncomprehending thoughts and my deepest prayers are for his soul. Pray God it does rest in peace. I have prayed for Hitler's soul, for Ted Bundy's, I pray for this man's...else what's forgiveness for.

Thank You.

SIMPLY ACKNOWLEDGE THE POWER WITHIN

I learned a valuable lesson once about how dear I hold my fears...I thought it was unforgettable until something happened yesterday that reminded me of it, and I realized that I'd forgotten all about it.

Back story...one time a friend and I were sharing just what our worst fear was. I said mine was fear of losing my mind and being locked up in a straight-jacket in St. E's forever. She immediately said, "Oh, I've been in St. E's...that's no big deal."

Such fury flashed through me that I knew no torture I could think of would be enough for her...the awfullest I could think of was but butterflies on her cheeks to what she deserved. I felt this so intensely that I had to quick excuse myself and go to the restroom. (I've spent a lot of time in restrooms which I don't doubt has saved a lot of friendships...probably could have spent more.)

Later in my journaling I examined my reaction, and I realized how dear I hold that fear...to have it made mock of was just the outside of enough. I could think of nothing, no other feeling of mine, that anyone could put down or dismiss or laugh at that would incite such fury within me.

Just yesterday in conversation the topic of fears came up. I mentioned that, back in the day, my worst fear was, etc., and my friend said that wasn't hers...that she would have welcomed going out of her mind. I didn't flash furious, but I immediately started expanding on my fear, trying to make everybody understand that my fear was justified, legitimate, if you will..."It's not just fear of insanity, it's fear of being in a straight-jacket for eternity," I wailed.

I've pondered that this morning. I considered things I love and their being dissed...what do I love more than anything in the world? I'd say God, but really...the best I can do with God is know that He loves me, and I'm just grateful I finally know that. There have been loves in my life, but if someone made mock of any of them, I would not flash furious...probably would be offended, say so, and move on. There is no good feeling I have toward anything, that I can think of right now, that I would feel murderous about if that feeling were dissed. I'd feel ticked, of course, but not blind fury.

But my worst fear...to diss it, apparently is to diss my very self? That I still consider it my worst fear gives me justifiable cause for pause. Why? Because, going insane on its face does not frighten me. Straight jacket? Oh, I'm feeling tummy turnovers right there. Claustrophobic, maybe.

So, is it loss of control that's the real culprit...the base of my worst fear? Not just loss of control, but the restriction, unable to even move a finger freely. Yeah...I suspect that's it. And none of that is important really...what the various culprits are is insignificant, in fact.

What matters is my reaction to my worst fear...it is important to find the base, understand the cause, but having found it, I must move on. Else I'll stay there, fretting over the whys and wherefores...and finding someone to blame, more like.

My reaction to my worst fear must be to calm myself...to simply remind me, "It is I, be not afraid." Or, to mentally repeat my mantram. There really is no need to stay with it...for what? Trying to tame it? No. Tame your reaction to it by simply acknowledging the Higher Power within. That's it. 

Thank You.

ADDENDUM: In thinking about this in my quiet time this afternoon, I got a mini BFO...it may be that  fear is the tie that binds us to our reasoning mind, to the material world (third dimension). Bolstered by the suspicion that letting go of a justified fear is letting go of one's common sense, we cling to that fear while wanting it gone. We nurture our fear by concentrating all our attention on it, praying to be rid of it. And not just fear for life, limb, sanity (what we call "real" fears), but fear of making a social faux pas, fear of doing dumb in a work situation, and the like. All are of the material world. They do not exist in the spiritual world which is why it does no good to ask God to keep them from happening...or to cause them to happen to someone else. They do not exist in the spiritual world.

If all of that is true, it's no wonder I felt such fury on having my fear dissed...it represented my world, my reasoning mind world.

On the other hand, love is the stairway to the fourth dimension, the spiritual world. All that it requires is acceptance...becoming transparent to the moment, also known as surrender.

Thank You.

WILLING TO BE FREE

To hold no one in bondage to his errors, sins, debts, or obligations, is to find release from these for oneself. -- Joel Goldsmith, "The Heart of Mysticism," at p. 474.

Interestingly, in my quiet time this morning, the name of the wife of a former employer came to mind. I loved him...her, not so much. But we did the nice-nice with no problems. However, the last couple of years, their Christmas cards, always originating from her of course, have had slight slights in them...just enough to note, but not enough to natter about.

So here's me, in meditative reflection time, trying to decide whether to send them a Christmas card this year or just drop them. Comes a brilliant thought: I'll not send a Christmas card to them, I'll send her a little note letting her know that Christmas cards are no decent way to...blah, blah, blah, rattle, rattle, boom, bang.

I thanked God for blessing them and changing me, and I felt an easing in my heart. Then my blinding flash of the obvious: Forgiveness comes through the Father within flowing forth...we just have to be willing to receive the gift that is flowing out from us in order to pass it on.

I pondered that and realized that the block to forgiveness comes from the ego-victory mind which lives for the feeling of having been wronged, dissed, and of payback to win. So I tested that.

I consciously considered the lady, the source of my perceived slights, and her deliberate, with malice aforethought, cuts. My chest tightened, and a new meaner way to beat her at her own game popped into mind. I consciously thanked God for blessing her and changing me...and again I felt an easing in my heart.

It was a great gettin' up morning in my heart, my soul, my body and my brains.

It is true...to hold no one in bondage to her errors, sins, debts, or obligations, is to find release from these for oneself. And it is not up to God. It is up to me to be willing...to be willing to be free from my own self. That is all.

Thank You.

WE HAVE ONE NEED...AND A BUNCH OF WANTS

It's always a surprise to me when I remember that "what goes around, comes around" is not all bad. That putting good out there will also return to me.

I have come to understand that this is one of those where feelings are not facts...as in, I put my bad out there,  and it feels like I'm slapped up side the head with it within a day if not an hour. Yet, I put my good out there, and I've long since forgotten about it before I ever see any good floating my way...it feels.

The reason may be that I'm always convinced, when I'm doing my bad, that it's not bad. It's me standing up for myself, or me telling you for your own good...it's only after the fact when I'm doing my checklist that I realize...uh-oh. But if I'm doing my good, and I am aware of that and am looking for a return on my good, I've just slipped over into...uh-oh.

The punch line, of course, is always the same, never varies, and is impossible to remember without constant vigilance, i.e., self-discipline: God has my back. God has your back. And since we are one...God has our back. I do not need to stand up for myself...God has my back. I do not need to tell you for your own good...God has your back. You do not need to react in kind...God has our back.

We have only one need which is two-pronged: To love God with all our heart, soul, body and brains and to love our friend/enemy as ourselves.

We have wants up the gump-stump...get those wants in line with God's will, and we won't have to worry about getting our own. Our own will come to us...is right now on its way...is already here. Open our eyes that we may see.

Thank You.

WRAP OUR FEAR IN FAITH AND SEND IT OUT

I was talking the other day to a friend who is in the midst of a spitting contest with a group of friends. She allowed as how it really is them, not her, and they should know better.

She then said, "I know you disagree with me, don't you?" And since she asked....

All I found it necessary to remind her of was what she learned back in the day: To go look in the bathroom mirror and say, "I am looking at my problem,"  and then to dig until she found the real root. I took no gloating pride in saying that. It was almost like, on being asked, giving her the time of day.

Here's my miracle...I immediately thought of a situation that was making me a tish uncomfortable. That little interaction gave me pause to think and to realize if I did not take care of my slight discomfort, it would have somebody else's name on it before noon the next day. And I would know it was them and not me and they should know better.

So I did my dig, found my root, wrapped my fear in faith and put it out upon the water. I felt 10 pounds lighter. And, just as a sidebar, almost anything is worth it to feel 10 pounds lighter.

God is so good to me. God is so good. God is.

Thank You.

UNORIGINAL RANDOM THOUGHTS

Random thoughts...all of which have been said before, but they're on my mind today:

There was a time, back in the day, when I worried that I was not humble enough. Then I came to see that I would have to get humble before that could be a problem. After which I realized there is no "humble enough." Every waking moment is a realistic chance of our being humbled...and being humbled by our own design. The best we can hope for is enough sense to see our part in it, to take responsibility for it...that is humility aborning.

And, no, believing that we are nothing but worms in the dust is not humility...it is ego on parade, dressed up as Less Than You Are Thus Worthy of Note.

Fear of financial insecurity, fear of  anything is just another way to stay stuck in the belief that our fear has more pizzazz than God, which after all is a power greater than our reasoning mind.

In the material world, fear is essential for there are only two emotions: Fear and Love. If we're not feeling so good about something/anything, that is fear; is we are feeling good about something/anything, that is love. It is essential that we recognize each so we can upgrade our attitude about whatever we're feeling not so good about else it will grab us by the hair of the head and run away to wherever it chooses to run. Likewise, it is essential to recognize the good feeling for love so we can wallow in it.

Money is not the root of all evil. It is the love of money that is the root of all evil. There is nothing wrong with money or of prestige and power...it is our obsessive search for money, prestige and power that beggars us.

God loves us just exactly as we are right this very minute. On a good day, I love you a tish more than I love me...then humility whispers, "Liar, liar, pants on fire."

Thank You.

THE SOURCE AND THE CHANNEL

I wonder if all disagreements, arguments, fights, battles, wars don't start with one singular person feeling disrespected by another.

I know I've come to understand that my self-centered fear is basically a fear of not getting the respect I'm due or losing the respect I've worked so hard to get.

I just did a quick mental review of the various people that right this minute I have a little grudge against...an ever-so-slight feeling of contempt toward, if you will. I looked at each one (there are three...there will be more), and at the root of each one is the feeling (a fact to my ego, of course) that they have disrespected me.

One, when I told her how much my last dental bill was for a simple teeth cleaning, raised an eyebrow and said, "Oh, really?" Well. I'm not a complete fool. I knew she was doubting my word...all but calling me a bald-faced liar and to my face! Disrespect walking.

Then there's the...oh why go into it. All three of the cases are laughable. Or, truthfully, they're laughable if they happen to you...to me? A whole 'nother story.

And that's where  "all my problems can be solved by spiritual principles" earns its keep. Earns its place in my heart and mind. Because that is what I turn to when I catch myself well into shaming and blaming you in my mind. I mentally give a lily of the valley to whomever I'm dissing, then I ask God to bless that one and change me. Then repeat as necessary. It doesn't take that long when I get right on it...it's the willingness to get right on it that counts.

Once again, I am the source of all my woes...and the channel for all my answers.

Thank You.

IN THE END, ALL THAT MATTERS...

[The following is a reprint of a blog of mine from December 29, 2009]

"In the end, all that matters is what you have done for Christ."

Some years ago, I saw that message, framed, picture-like, at the home of a lovely lady who was my mother’s friend.

I’ve thought of that message over the years, and it becomes truer to me as I open my mind to it…true for all, when one realizes “for Christ” as for God, for Allah, for Buddha, for Mohammad, for Mary, for Self, for Spirit, for….

In the end, all that matters is what you have done…selflessly…for others.

Thank You.

PRACTICE STAYING MENTALLY IN THE NOW

I so often write how long ago it was that I realized this or that. That is my ego assuring me that I'm not a newbie here...that I got cred.

I suspect I need to start writing "a long time ago/yesterday" until I do not feel the need to qualify myself. At least I've learned not to promise me that I'll immediately perfect myself and start writing "yesterday" alone.

This is a great way to practice staying mentally here and now...and there's my carrot. It is my truth that we can never over-practice staying mentally here and now.

Thank You.

PONDERING THE LORD'S PRAYER

...Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil....

That is the most puzzling part of the Lord's Prayer for me.

I cannot wrap my brain around Jesus the Christ asking God to lead us not into temptation but to deliver us from evil...the God Jesus purportedly preached about knows all our needs, is not capable of leading anybody into temptation or of delivering us into evil.

That's the great promise, he knows all our needs. Hence and since he supposedly knows all our needs, we are wrong to ask for anything...that's to doubt him on its face.

I ponder, and have pondered, this ever so often for years.

My today's best guess: "Lead us not into temptation" is my grateful invitation to God to receive his gift to me of my free will back from me so I do not wander over into my reasoning mind thinking where self-determined objectives take precedence over God's will.

"Deliver us from evil" is simply "deliver us from ego," from ego-victory thinking.

I'm fairly certain that this time a year from now I'll have an entirely different understanding, but that makes sense (to my reasoning mind) now.

Thank You.

TO KNOW LOVE

Upgrade your attitude, you upgrade your problem. That was a blinding flash of the obvious a whole lot of years ago, and I'm still grateful that I'm learning how to.

And every year on this day when I read Eknath Easwaran's Words to Live By, I know again the thrill of This Is How To.

This is how to transform consciousness: "...you have to look for the right spot. In some people it is a particular compulsive craving; in some it is jealousy; in some, blind fury. Some may be fortunate enough to have all three. Each person has to look for that spot where urgent work is most needed." [Emphasis added.]

And the urgent work is not asking God to take it away, not giving in to the feeling that we're never going to get there, not trying every trick we can think of to stop doing it. The urgent work is making ourselves available to God on a daily basis...simply seeking to realize God. Go to God for God...that is all. That defect can and will be either lifted out of us, or, more probably, simply transmuted. Transmuted into something we can use to help others get free of the same defect.

"This is to know love -- and love is life eternal." Joel Goldsmith, The Heart of Mysticism, at p. 474.

Thank You.

THE HOME OF HOPE IS HURT

I've heard it said that “the home of hope is hurt.”  Considering the lengths to which most of us are willing to go in order to avoid the feeling of hurt, it's no wonder we so often feel hopeless.

Every day there's a new and more potent drug on the market to aid in killing pain. And we're not necessarily speaking of physical pain...like Novocain for a root canal. No, we're talking about anxiety, depression, fear in all of its forms. 

Then, if we will but choose to listen, we will hear that humility is the healer of pain. The humility of actually telling God in the form of another human being that we are anxious, depressed, afraid. And when the anxiety, depression, or fear is not immediately lifted out of us, learning to trust that the problem is being worked on...the solution is near, sit and wait on the Lord. Just like we have to sit and wait on the doctor when we have a 10:00 AM appointment, and s/he doesn't see us until 11:00 AM. We sit and wait on the doctor, trusting we'll get fixed.

According to Fr. Richard Rohr, God, divine love, is received by surrender instead of performance or perfection. That to me is the difference between giving up and giving in. Giving up is an act of self-control, as in suicide. Giving in is simply letting God flow...getting out of our own way because God has our perfect and personal solution in hand.

Our reasoning mind will never get us there.

Thank You.

LET GOD SPEAK TO AND THROUGH US

"Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it." -- Psalm 127:1

"We can become highly polished acorns or grow into mighty oaks," a friend.

"If we have carefully followed directions...we have become God conscious." -- Anonymous

All of these quotes are simply telling us that our reasoning mind will not get us there...there being where we need to go, to 4th dimensional thinking, out of self and into God.

The more books we read, equations we work, tests we ace, the smarter we may or may not become, but we're going down that wrong road again if we're looking for still more spiritual growth. Since the promise is that all of our problems can be solved by spiritual principles, we'd do well to concentrate our efforts on spiritual growth.

Which takes nothing at all away from keeping our reasoning mind sharp and sharper...that's one of God's tools to use in order to speak to us, so we need it clean and clear. But if jacking our intellect higher and higher is our primary purpose in life, indeed is our source of feeling safe and secure, then we got problems.

The trouble with relying on our own mind for our sense of security is that it breaks so easily...it is, after all, driven by our ego whose primary goal is to keep us safe...according to its idea of safe and is self-centered in the extreme.

All of this comes to me because I'm arm-wrestling with God again. A person with whom I'm acquainted has lifted an original idea of mine (enough said), and, worse than the lifting, she's taking credit for it. And to top that even, some time back she held me up for ridicule in front of God and everybody knocking down my "original" idea.

So I'm talking to God about how I can set her straight in the kindest, most spiritual way possible, and God's crazy idea is to agree with her that it was HER idea to begin with. When it wasn't it wasn't it wasn't.

My job now is to not go ahead and do it God's way with my own resisting mind showing forth in a bad, bad attitude...lips saying good, attitude showing ugly. My job is to let God perfect this within me in whatever manner It chooses. I would need to go out of my way for this to even come up, so I get to stand still and listen, sit and wait on the Lord, open my mind and heart to let God flow out. In short, to clear the channel, my reasoning mind, for God to speak to and through me.

Thank You.

WE WALK FREE

There's a story in the Old Testament that I've made my own...meaning mine probably bears little relation to what is written, but it works for me. I use it in my life to divorce myself from my own opinions.

It's the story of Joseph who was sold into slavery by his jealous brothers. He was imprisoned, somehow came under the protection of the Pharaoh, and rose to be the Pharaoh's right-hand man. The brothers come into some rough sledding, go bankrupt and near starving, go to Joseph and, knowing they need to get on his good side,  admit their jealous behavior and beg forgiveness. In response to their admission of bad behavior, he says, in effect, "You meant it for ill, but God meant it for good."

That's all we need remember to let go of our attachment to all of our resentments of others. Because our job now, instead of sitting and resenting, is to know that God meant this for good. That gives us permission to find our gold in it.

Find our gold, and we've found our gratitude...we've upgraded our problem. We can say a sincere "thank you" to whomever we've been resenting. We walk free.

Thank You.

LETTING GO OF WHAT I KNOW

[The following is a reprint of a blog of mine from August 25th, 2008.]

I know that seeking good, seeking peace, seeking to do the honorable thing are all acceptable, “the right stuff” so to speak.

And then I ponder on a self-determined objective as opposed to God’s perfect objective…and I am reminded that seeking harmony is no better than seeking discord…it’s still a self-determined objective. For I have only my own idea of what harmony is, and whenever my wants bump up against your wants, my idea of harmony is usually getting you to agree with me…or, when I’m particularly spiritual in my own mind, letting you be right: mouth agrees with you; mind thinks, “Oh, let it go;” ego says, “I’ll get you later.” And a resentment is born.

So the key, it seems, goes back to staying in the is-ness of now. Which sounds fanciful, but I am finding that it works when I remember to say “Thank You” as whatever picture comes into my experience. And in that acceptance, I am open to doing what I need to do at the moment and letting it pass on by.

It is my old self-centered fear that is always in play…of not getting the respect due me or losing the respect I feel I’ve so rightly earned. And I realize anew that self-respect and self-centered fear cannot co-exist…respect is of God, fear is not. Like a hug, I cannot “get” it, I can only “give” it, at which point my own comes back to me.

Thank You.

OUR ULTIMATE TEST...TRUSTING GOD

Still more spiritual growth is all about detaching, letting go, giving over. The reasoning mind is all about No.

The trouble with the reasoning mind, which houses the ego, is that it truly has only our personal self-interest at heart. It means no ill to us but its first weapon of choice is ill-will. Ill-will toward whomever it feels threatened by. Somebody is going to pay, is its watchword, and it is not going to be us.

I was reminded of this recently when I was rereading a book that was read at my first retreat. The book is all about pledging our allegiance to God. It sets out the need to renounce family, forsake family, look no more to family for anything. It lists many other things we must renounce, but "family" got the most resistance.

Our reasoning mind totally resisted the concept of giving our family over into the care of God. Of trusting that the unseen God could and would care for them as well as we in the here and now could or would. Or, more particularly, that the unseen God could or would care for us as well as our family does here in the seen.

We must divorce ourselves from all of our attachments and let the grace of spiritual reality give us up to God, to the care of God. This is our own personal test in spiritual growth: trusting that God, who is unseen, can and will care for us and ours as well as we can here in the seen...will, in fact, intervene in our lives in our behalf.

Our ultimate test, of course, is simply trusting God. For any and all reasons.

Thank You.

IT'S THE DOING IT THAT COUNTS

You need not aspire for or get any new state. Get rid of your present thoughts, that is all. -- Ramana Maharshi

Now, there's good advice, which, like most good advice, is utterly useless if we're not ready to hear it.  Until we open our mind, release any resistance and ask within ourselves, "How?," those are just so many pretty words.

But I bring good news! Once I was ready to actually do it, to actually get rid of my present thoughts  (because my present thoughts were nattering me, and worse, I was starting to believe them), I began using what I'd been taught. I had been taught that my reasoning mind was God's tool to use, not mine. So don't try to turn it off, turn it over...to God to do with as He knows best for me.

One of the tools I'd been given, in order to turn it over, is: Whenever an ugly looks like it's heading for me, think "thank You" first, then "It is I, be not afraid." The ugly is I, my gift. I accept it as such and turn that sucker around as many ways as I need to until I find the sliver of gold. It is there...find it, and that sliver will grow into a blessing beyond our reasoning mind's comprehension.

What we most need to remember is that the reasoning mind cannot get us there. We must go beyond reason to love...the very first "thank You" turns our dread into love, then into acceptance, then into non-resistance...with which we give over to God who does His thing. Not our problem any longer.

This really isn't that hard to remember...it's the habitual doing it that takes some time.

Thank You.

IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME

"It's not you, it's me" has been the by-word for breakups for a long time now...breakup with a love, a friend, a parent, a sibling...doesn't matter. It's the perfect out. How does the other one argue with that? Or how does the other one win against that!

The only problem with it, of course, is that the one saying it does not for a minute believe it. There's the core of the problem of life itself (not to be too dramatic about it).

We have learned to speak Truth while not believing Truth. We continue to believe, to bank on, our reasoning (ego-victory) mind...which is never wrong, always legislating for itself, and lives to get-back-at because it's not me, it's you to our ego-victory mind.

Our reasoning mind is at its most powerful (and destructive) when it is convinced that it is putting another's needs first...a sick child, a disabled parent, a misguided sibling/friend/love.

It is only by going to God when we have a sick child, a disabled parent, a misguided sibling/friend/love and sincerely seeking to know and to do Its will, without pre-set personal conditions, that our ego-victory mind is deflated.

Our lesson to learn is that God's will might be exactly the opposite of what we are seeing needs be done...or, harder to accept, it might be exactly the same as what we are seeing...but in an exactly opposite direction of the way we want to help.

In fact, our ego-victory mind wants only for the one in need to be like us...and we are the only ones who are unaware that that is our goal. The one in need is resisting mightily and probably doesn't even know why...our solution just does not fit is all s/he may well be feeling.

God's will is the original one-size-fits-all...our will is one-size-fits-none, not even ourselves. It is not you, it is me.

Thank You.

ANSWERED PRAYER IS HAVING IT TO PASS ON

We start out wanting...our wills to be satisfied....Gradually we find we are not happy when we are selfish so we begin to make allowances for other peoples' wills. But this again does not give us full happiness, and we begin to see that the only way to be truly happy is to try to do God's will. --  Anonymous

That is so my experience. Especially in understanding that wanting what I want when I want it gives no satisfaction but moving up to giving over to other people doesn't give full happiness either. Then, BINGO: "We begin to see that the only way to be truly happy is to try to do God's will."

In this morning's meditation I received the BFO in re my friend with whom I'm having a push-pull time, "You need to praise her...to make certain she is aware how grateful you are for her."

I then picked up Goldsmith's "Heart of Mysticism," and the first words I read (from the 147th Psalm) were: "Praise ye the Lord...," and I knew my BFO to be true. I knew that was God's will for me spelled out, that that is how we praise the Lord. We praise others for they represent God's ears, and hearing, they then pass it on...and that is the answered prayer.

God is so good to me.

Thank You.

DOING WHAT I NEED TO DO BECAUSE I WANT TO

I had the best experience this morning. The best experience with my own attack mind. I found myself thinking, pondering, questioning how a dear friend of mine and I could resolve an unspoken problem. We each have an identical problem the solution to which we come at in exactly opposite directions.

The best experience for me was that I found myself really questioning how we could come to agreement...how to give over and remain true to ourselves.

I came to this by taking her inventory. I'm a big believer in taking inventories of others as long as our goal is to find the part we own in it...goes back to the old (and true) "if you can spot it, you got it."

I wrote a lot before I came to how she so aggressively states her position as if there is no other position that could possibly be...with chin out and fire in eyes. And that's when she's just chatting, not even discussing the pros and cons with another. And, lo, I saw me.

Now, I believe I've come a long way from there. I did once live there, but as I so often say, nothing is past tense with me. That dogmatic little pedant is still alive within me, ready to leap out and show my butt whenever I least expect it. The good news is, today I know that is not the core of me.

With that realization, I get to extend that internal knowledge and acceptance to my friend. I get to stop running my mind on how to explain any part of it to her or to me. Loose it and let it go. "Drop kick me, Jesus, through the goal posts of life" [from a great country song by Bobby Bare].

All I need do is mentally recommit myself to our friendship...to my putting our friendship before my desire to explain...anything. I can do that...because I want to. Here's me, doing what I need to do because I want to do it. Don't tell me there is no God.

Thank You.

WHEN WILL WE EVER LEARN?

It is for me a continuing conundrum, this reliance of mine on my reasoning mind. I have read and I have realized that the material world is but a mirror image of God's view...that, to me, explains paradox. Yet I continue to try to think my way through a perceived problem.

Ponder these for instances:

• We elect a man (so far, no woman)  president of the United States of America and consider him a failure if he doesn't do it twice. 
• A person can be in prison for murder due to addiction to drugs and alcohol, yet declare himself "free for the first time in my life." (See "Flight"...please.)
• We fight fear with a vengeance and every drug known, most of which have side effects causing anxiety, yet a simple "Welcome" to the anxiety as it is galloping forward in our minds lets it pass right on through and away.
• We put up mental walls against all of our enemies, half our friends, and most of our relatives, when a drawing closer to them removes our own resistance and allows love to grow in all parties.

From a song of the '60s: "When will we ever learn? When will we ever learn?"

Thank You.

THE PRINCIPLE OF ONENESS WITH GOD

The following poem is from Joel Goldsmith's "The Heart of Mysticism," and it is attributed  to Paul Oregan:

Let what will come! Old faiths be overthrown
And new beliefs give old beliefs the lie:
One thing I hold mid crash of creed and throne
Forever I am I.

Before time was, or thought of day or night,
Before God woke the silence with Its voice,
I, hidden in the Being Infinite
In silence did rejoice.

And I, the pilgrim of eternity,
Can laugh to see eternities roll on;
For though God say: There shall be naught but me;
Yet, He and I are One.

Thank You.

MY ENCHANTED THANKSGIVING

I had an enchanted Thanksgiving celebration yesterday...with friends, the way I always wanted my family to be...and, with me, the way my family always wanted me to be.

Thank You.

OUR ONLY NEED

I was at a retreat once where the retreat master suggested we take a popular love song and think of it as us singing it to God. She suggested "You Light Up My Life" or "I Will Follow You"...thinking of God as the "you." It was fun and enlightening.

This morning I thought, what if God is singing to us? Ponder that.

This reminds me of my blinding flash of the obvious with my first dog, a seven-pound Maltese, Ari of Aslan. All Ari wanted was to love...he was the original if I can't be with the one I love, I'll love the one I'm with. He just loved to love.

My BFO was that we all of us have a little Ari at our core...we need to give love. Our mistake is in believing that we need to get love. No. We are loved. Our only need to is pass that love on.

Thank You.

A LITTLE HAND MIRROR

So I'm talking with God this morning, and he says, "I'll tell you what you need...you need a little hand mirror to carry with you at all times. That way you'll always be able to see immediately and exactly who and what your problem is."

That was such a good idea that I immediately thought of all the people I needed to give a little hand mirror to....

Thank You.

BE NOT AFRAID

My morning's blinding flash of the obvious:

It is the Word that we must assimilate...the Word and only the Word. With that realization, all else falls from the thrall of our reasoning mind. Nothing can come to us, can come from us that is not of God, that is not God appearing:

• To every worry, fret or fear..."It is I, be not afraid."
• To every doubt or dread..."It is I, be not afraid."
• To every sense of superiority toward another..."It is I, be not afraid."
• To every sense of inferiority of another..."It is I, be not afraid."

Thank You.

MORE QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS

Here's me, thinking I've got a handle on this spiritual growth thing...or close enough. Then I come across an imponderable.

In Joel Goldsmith's "The Heart of Mysticism" (at p. 452), he writes: "...no good can come to you; all good is to flow from you....in the case of an emergency or a disaster from out of the depths of the infinite nature of your own [Self], you would be maintained and sustained, and able to care for others."

I immediately flash to Hurricane Sandy...Staten Island, et al., then to 9/11 and Katrina.

Is it that some, living in the material, reasoning-mind world of the third dimension, can comprehend only the disaster, the unwanted that is appearing, and declare there can be no God if this can be. Then, some see the disaster and reach out to lead others through, help others, "care for others" and are lifted into fourth dimension consciousness and experience the disaster but walk free through it?

That sure leaves me with a boatload of questions. I'm clearly not there yet. I need to let it perc...the answers will come (or not). For whatever reason, though, I believe I'm heading in the right direction.

I do know that no good will come to me...it will flow forth from me. I know that because that is my experience. I would not believe it just because someone else wrote it and I read it...or I did not, at any rate, until it proved true in my life.

That is my experience. My good flows from me when I keep the care of others as my daily desire, my daily focus...which explains why some days can feel so dingy. I lose my focus...or, more to the point, I become my focus.

Thank You.

GET OUT OF THE WAY AND LET

Dear God, For this day I turn myself over to You....

Do not for a minute believe that in turning ourselves over to God we are turning ourselves outward to Him. We are not giving ourselves over for Him to purify and return to us all fixed...akin to the old-time Chinese laundry where dirty linens were taken to be washed, fluffed, ironed and returned all pretty, ready to be dirtied again.

No. "I turn myself over to You" within me.

"I stand at the door and knock" is God within us, knocking to be let out...to flow forth from us. Our job is to get quiet and listen for directions on how to open that door...or, in truth, how to get out of the way and let the door be opened for us.

It is enough that one surrenders oneself. Surrender is to give oneself up to the original cause of one's being. Do not delude yourself by imagining such a source to  be some God outside you. One's source is within oneself. Give yourself up to it. That means that you should seek the source and merge in it.  -- Ramana Maharshi

Thank You.

GOD ALWAYS PROVIDES

[The following is a reprint of my blog of  November 27, 2008.]

I thought this morning of a woman I knew (minimally…I was the secretary to her attorney) many years ago in California. She was of Hungarian birth, was very rich, and she loved to talk of her youth when she fled Hungary just as the Nazi army was moving in. She had a hair-raising story to tell.

Her family was very wealthy, had royal blood according to her, and I had no reason to doubt her. But almost (which is the operative word here) all they had, had already been confiscated, and it was looking dire for their survival. She and her parents barely escaped in the dead of the night, with all they owned on their backs.

The “almost” included several pieces of very fine jewelry which she and her mother pinned and sewed to the underwear they were wearing.

When they got to America, they converted the jewelry to cash, settled in, and, long story short, through lousy investments, lost everything. By now, her parents had passed on, she was alone without a penny to bless herself with, and she prayed that God would come to her aid.

She came across the petticoat that her mother had worn out of Europe, was wadding it up to throw it away and felt a lumpy something…she shook the petticoat out, and there, pinned on the underside, was an emerald and diamond broach they had missed. She had her nest egg.  (And may I say, I never saw her but that she had that broach pinned to her shoulder…in the morning, at noon, or in the evening). 

Most interesting, she swore then and every time she told the story that she had never laid eyes on that broach before the day she “found” it, and she knew well all the pieces that they had since there were only a half dozen or so pieces. 

I love this story, and I love it not for the mystery of the broach which I tend to believe was her way of making a good story better (and I’d do the same!). I love it for the fact that she always had enough…she just did not know it, and until she asked for God’s help, could not see it.

God’s job is to provide…our job is to rely on that.

Thank You.

I AM THE WORM IN THIS APPLE

"The hardest part of spiritual growth is the discipline of self, the necessary daily discipline of taking the time to practice the Presence."

Being on time requires self-discipline. 

Being rigid in our thinking about being on time leads to being rigid, righteous and right, also dogmatic and pompous. Pulling up still more harsh terms to describe rigid thinking borders on self-abuse which is self-centered in the extreme.  

Lord, i am the worm in this apple...i give my flights of fantasy to you to cleanse my ego-victory centered mind, to purify my thoughts, to set me free of me.

Thank You.

OUR PERFECT ANSWER IS WAITING TO BE LET OUT

I read somewhere that God is the food and all we have to do is provide the hunger.

That goes much deeper. Like, God is the solution and all we have to do is provide the problem. There. There's our never-ending supply of reasoning mind fodder. For with problems, we also get to provide patience. The reasoning mind can usually come up with a quick fix, also known as quick sand. Or it declares the problem unsolvable and gives in to depression, anger, anxiety, self-pity...any and all of which are self-punishing actions, none of which are helpful or necessary.

Why is it so difficult to accept that all our questions have been answered?, that all our problems have been solved?...and all in our favor!

There's the hook...the "all in our favor" is the really unbelievable part. We can more easily accept that all our problems have been solved but for the fear that the solution is going to hurt, or be personally unacceptable in some manner.

So our reasoning mind goes on seeking, searching, digging...utterly ignoring the perfect answer which is within, standing at the door knocking...waiting to be let out.

Thank You.

DO IT ANYWAY

The only way to greatness is to make oneself nothing. -- Lao-tzu

What does greatness look like to me? and within me? For a long time now, my conscious striving has been to put the other person first. It is interesting to observe the other person's (or any other person's) reaction to that.

For instance, Ruckus was mauled recently by an unleashed dog (the owner of which I had spoken to previously about her need to leash her dog). After my initial terror and upon learning that Ruckus had not been seriously hurt, I did not castigate her...in fact, I was reasonable. I asked for and got her payment for his injuries, told her that Animal Control had been notified (by the vet since that is the law), and fairly well let it go. The owner was less than gracious with my graciousness. On top of which, I told a friend of mine, and she went ballistic towards the owner. When I answered her questions that I had not chewed the lady a new one, nor did I have any intention of suing, she doubled down on her fury, this time towards me.

Then there is the  acquaintance of mine who had missed a couple of our groups' weekly get-togethers. I sent an e-mail asking if he was well. He took it that I was hitting on him and has been extremely to overly friendly since then.

I haven't found it necessary to set anybody straight...just observed all of these albeit with a sense of disappointment. Which brought the question to mind: What was I expecting? Kudos? Gratitude? Unending praise?

I think greatness may be in those who do decent without thinking...with no expectations on the other end. There's an old saying which I can't remember right now but it's about Something Something Is Its Own Reward. Gratitude or grace...or charity, maybe. Doing the decent thing is its own reward. After all, there was no stupefyingly wondrous thing that I did...it was simply the decent thing.

"The decent thing" just doesn't have a great ring to it...where's the glory in that? Or, more like, where's the ego-victory in that? There it is. There's my realization. I know from hard-earned experience that an ego-victory is not the answer...never was, never will be. It is not only not the answer, it is the trip-tik to rues, regrets and remorses.

So however, whatever, the responses are (within and without) to doing the decent thing, do it anyway.

Thank You.

REST, BELOVED EGO, YOUR WORK IS DONE

Worry not, my precious ego...fret not, for God has your back, too. You can lay down your sword and shield for your fight is over. Your reason for being, your constant concern for me that we will not get ours, is ended.

We have ours. There is no possibility that we cannot get ours for it is within us/without us...there for the using. All we need do is drop our defenses...which do not protect us, do not serve us well, will never save us from anything.

You, my beloved ego, in your efforts to care take us only block God's perfect outworking in us, through us. God's perfect outworking, God's will, is always available the instant we take that leap of faith...by using what is within us now and only now. Not tomorrow. Not when we get rid of our fear. Now. In the midst of our known and unknown fears. That is where God lives...cozied up with you, with me, with us.

Thank You.

GIVING OVER...ANOTHER OF-GOD ACTION

I've been thinking about  "the bad news is we must be willing to give over to the one we are resenting" (from my yesterday's blog). What we really need to learn is that giving over is an asset...a positive...the way to win (for the dual-minded, who still believe that win/lose is all).

Giving over requires going to God first. I personally believe that giving over from our heart, not from our heads, eyebrows up, is a spiritual act. It's the basis, the starting point, for giving up fighting anything and anybody...also a spiritual act that the reasoning mind cannot do on its own. We can do it...not fight...but can we not resent it later? Anybody can keep their mouth shut with enough incentive, but the mind?...oh yeah, there's the brain's bedbug.

So, the goal is first to accept that giving over is the desired action we want to take. But taking the necessary action is...wait for it...doing nothing. It's sitting and waiting on the Lord. It's learning how to clear our mind of clutter...by thinking of rainbows and roses, moonbeams and star-shine...and all that OMG, give-me-a-break stuff that we once put down and sneered at from on high...literally.

Giving over does not have a good rep only because it's so seldom accomplished. And those who do it don't find it necessary to brag about it...because if they're bragging about it, they're not doing it. If they're doing it, it is impossible to brag about it...that's like bragging about breathing.

Giving over is not a self-determined objective that we achieve. I'm guessing it's the ultimate in detachment...we only do it by detaching from our own selves...another of-God action.

Thank You.

RESENT...BE RESENTED

"If we are resentful, we will be resented."

There. That's the singular reason no one on this earth can afford resentments. You will be resented. Only you will not necessarily be resented by the one you are resenting...or just by that one.

That's the trouble with a resentment...it spreads like noxious oil on the water. Noxious oil or tar babies...everyone, everything your resentment touches is despoiled. It strips another's peace of mind, robs another's soul comfort...and they must pay you back.

The good news is that there are tools to use to head off, or cut off, a resentment. The bad news is we must be willing to give over to the one we are resenting.

To give over when we know know know that we are right Right RIGHT. And there's our full-blown resentment, the tar baby with which we nearly cripple ourselves by justifying its existence. And, once born, impossible to rid ourselves of by our own self-will.

The tool that works best for me is to quick say a mental "Thank You" the instant I feel slighted, disrespected, hurt...or, for that matter, complimented or admired. I just keep a "thank You" going at all times because I'm perfectly capable of taking a compliment and at two A.M. awaken to the realization that was actually a well-hidden snide remark...and I'm off, quite literally.

God is so good to me. How else would I know that the spiritual axiom, "Every time something upsets me, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with me," is true? Certainly not by my reasoning mind. But knowing that it is true, turns me in the right direction with the simple thank You.
 
God is so good to me. God is so good. God is.

Thank You.

WE MUST RAISE OUR CONSCIOUSNESS DEEPER

"Leave your nets and follow me." This was Jesus's invitation to the fishermen he found on the shore. And some did...for all I know all did. I'm just awed at the idea...leave your security, your guaranteed money-making job, and take a chance on what a person passing by has to offer.

Here's where the reasoning mind rules...because anybody with a lick of sense would know that's a non-starter...not only a non-starter, but a let's-put-a-little-distance-between-us-and-the-guy-doing-the-inviting.

It is in fourth dimension consciousness that we begin to catch a glimpse of the rightness of the invite...the realization that it is not the man doing the inviting that we are being asked to follow. It is the Me, the I Am, the Father within the man that we are invited to follow.

There are people of such raised consciousness that it shows from their face, from their very person, without their ever saying a word...and not just the likes of the Dalai Lama or Mother Teresa, but everyday people....carpenters and fishermen, prostitutes and virgins and such.

I, personally, have found very few such people in churches, but then I've found none in jails, and I have been in a few churches and also in a jail or two. Although I've been in only one jail for my own transgression, and may I say once was one time too many. But it is for our own benefit that we must seek to raise our consciousness deeper in order to recognize such people...and follow them.

Thank You.

BUILDING OUR BELIEF DEEPER

The hardest part of spiritual growth is the discipline of self, the necessary daily discipline of taking the time to practice the Presence.

It is no easy task to come to believe, but to expect to live happily every after in that certain belief is folly. It takes time just to build that belief deeper. We must develop the practice of remembering that the Father and I are one, then of proving the Father and I are one, then of showing forth the Father and I are one.

When every thought is stayed on God, then what is added unto us is of God. "Therefore, I say unto you, what things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. [Somewhere in the Bible.]" There. That's the gold of  all the disciplining to remember, prove, show forth...but the paradox is, that if we've done it right, indeed if we are doing it right unto three days after we're dead, our only acceptable prayer is to know God aright.

We don't get to do all that disciplining so we can get money, a love or a Mercedes...we do all that disciplining to get the realization of God...which, hard as it is for the reasoning mind to grasp, is better than money, a love or a Mercedes.

Thank You.

THE WIDOW'S MITE

My friend and I were talking recently, and we agree that we'd both given more money in this election than ever we had before. I personally donated more money in this election for my side than I ever dreamed I would donate to anybody for anything...including cancer research for my Mama. (Who never had cancer...I'm just saying.) And my poor donations were as dust in the wind in comparison to the millions of dollars that billionaires poured in for their side. I am still pondering the fact that those billionaires' millions were unable to buy the election.

I'm reminded of the story in the Bible of the widow's mite. The way I remember it (which may not be the way it is written, but it's close enough), people of means were showing off their wealth in their donations to the Church, and a widow gave a penny. God was more pleased with her penny than He was with all the "for show" dollars because she gave all she had, and the others were ego donations.

Let it be known that before the election ended, I said...often...that I did not believe that God is in elections...or wars...or football games. I hear people talk about praying for their side to win in all those things, and I figure prayer is never going to hurt anybody, but I don't believe God is in any of those things. I mean, take war...can you imagine praying to God that more people die on the other side so your side can win...and God answering that prayer...by killing people?

I do, however, like to think of myself and my friend and all the other little-dollar-donators as giving the widow's mite. Whose kidding whom, any time I can believe I've done something to please God, I grab it.

Thank You.

LIVING THE GIFT OF REALIZATION

One of the hardest things for me to accept is that I am God conscious. It's been some time now since I was given the gift of realization that the Father and I are one. Yet every time I read something that I interpret as suggesting we're all a pack of slackers and we should do more each day to realize God consciousness, I feel guilty that I'm such a drag-foot.

I've read Joel Goldsmith's "Heart of Mysticism" more than once, and I'm right now reading it again. Every time I read, "I ask that each student dedicate one meditation period each day to the specific realization of the Christ," I start with the race-race, run-run mind of I shoulda, woulda, coulda, but....

I am grateful that I am given the reminder that I need to reinforce my gift of realization on a daily basis. No doubt, that's why I feel so guilty...this one will never be 100 percent God conscious 100 percent of the time for that is perfection. I aim for progress, and I'm as good as I ought to be...being me, and I thank You for the reminder.

GIVING GOD A GIGGLE

My friend is trying to save his marriage...he and his wife are going to couples counseling, he is going to a relationship counselor, has joined a boatload of prayer groups and meditation circles, does Zen mental exercises hourly, brings little giftees home to his wife daily...and those are just the things his friends know of. Self-determined objectives, every one. Each one has a hook, an effect that he wants.

Quite simply, he is going to God for the self-determined objective of having his marriage the way he wants his marriage to be, i.e., comfortable for him, without hassle to him. But it's too selfish sounding to let that be alive in his own mind, so he thinks of it as for his wife, for the sanctity of their marriage.

To outside eyes those look like the logs that are being laid as the foundation for the break-up, the divorce. They are the conscience-clearer, the "I tried my best," "I did all I could do,"  the "NOT MY FAULT."

None of the things he is doing is bad...each one is a good thing, in fact. IF he were doing them to be a better husband, to be a more loving person, to show forth God simply to show forth God. Not to get, but to give...to release self for the benefit of another.

All of this came to me this morning in meditation when I found myself trying to think of the best way to let a friend know she is wrong and I am right. A spiritual way, don't you know. Unselfish. Loving. For her own good.

Apparently I'm still believing that it is my job to give God a giggle ever so often.

Thank You.

ON THE PRAYER OF ST. FRANCIS

[The following is a reprint of a blog of mine of November 30, 2008.]

I love the prayer of St Francis, and I still tend to believe everybody does…so, I’m usually left with my mouth agape when someone says s/he doesn’t particularly care for it.

Then I recall when I first heard it…back when I knew it all, back when black humor was my favorite thing. I remember on hearing it, I said, “There’s the man I want to marry…and we can both work on putting me first.”

It occurs to me that X% of those who hear it do not like it; X% may like it but only because it sounds noble, like something God would approve of; X% who pray it get off their knees never for a minute believing it is now theirs by doing; X% who believe it is theirs, consistently fail, so stop either the praying or the believing; X% continue trying, never understanding that it is already being done through them by the Spirit within…that the minute they make it a self-determined objective, it is an ego happening, inviting the feeling of failure yet again.

The Father within doeth the works…really.

Thank You.

GO TO GOD FOR GOD...THAT IS ALL

All of us are so liable to human error that unless we have some capacity to bear with the errors of others, we will not be able to maintain a lasting relationship with anybody.... - "Words to Live By," Eknath Easwaran, November 2.

I read recently that we need to imagine all the people around us, especially the irritating people, as mini Buddhas which will pull us back from judging so harshly. I picture all those irritating people as mini mes...then I have a vested interest in understanding them, in putting their interests first...the vested interest being me, of course.

Again I remind myself that it is not the person irritating me who needs to change, nor is it fundamentally me. It is my willingness to detach from my own opinions, from my own perceptions, to divorce myself from my own wants that I need to cultivate.  Thinking about which of my defects I need to change...asking God to change for me...is just going down that wrong road again, and calling it spiritual work.

Go to God for God. That is all. God knows my questions and how to answer them in the best possible way for me, personally. Go to God for God, and let my answers be revealed...the questions are irrelevant.

Thank You.

I AM OPEN

For this day, I am grateful that I am open to God and grace and growth.

Thank You.

GOD KNOWS THE PERFECT PATH

BFO: Seek the Cause, not the effect.

The peace that passes understanding can only come when we quit seeking the effect of peace and await our awakening to the cause of peace, God. Our awakening cannot come through the intellect.

Peace does not necessarily mean happiness. I was not happy about being given the care of the IRS, but I was at peace with it from the git-go. If I could have passed on it, however, I surely would have...and would have missed the greatest gift.

I believe it was my being at peace that upgraded my attitude to gratitude and opened me to the spiritual gifts that taking care of the IRS gave me...one of which was freedom from fear of financial insecurity which freedom is with me now, nearly 30 years later.

God does know the perfect path for me...my job is to not try to second guess It.

Thank You.

OUR OWN RETURNS TO US...REPEATEDLY

There are two people in my life who are giving me pause. It's like befriending a porcupine who is always on high alert...quills extended. I don't always feel like I must walk on eggshells with them, it's that I never know when I should have walked on eggshells. One explodes, the other implodes...and I split.

This happens once a year at most, so it's no biggie...except when it is. And it is today. So my old mind is setting 'em straight...drilling 'em on their spiritual growth. And I'm reading my "God Calling," this morning. There, in my handwriting, dated 1988, is my note to me: "I cannot take a joke...poor sport." Which, may I say, are my exact "setting 'em straight" words in my head to the two.

Cracked me up. Once again, I am reminded: "If you can spot it, you got it" does not apply to others only.

Thank You.

OUR ABILITY IS OUR SUPPLY

We are told to take no thought for our life, what we shall eat, what we shall wear, how we shall prosper.

My morning's blinding flash of the obvious: It is our ability, our talent, that is our supply. We must use that which we have within us, for that is what comes back to us doubled, tripled...more than enough.

We all have ability...we stay stuck when we get caught up in nit-picking, judging, our ability rather than simply using that which we have and being grateful for it.

I never believed I had a talent to use...and when I found it, I discounted it. I have a talent for listening. And that's going to get me prosperity? Looking back, I can see that it did. I always had enough, I never went without a need...and that is my definition of prosperity.

I've never gone hungry, nor has my dog, we've always had a decent roof over our head, a comfortable bed, and, most important, people who love us. I sometimes say that if it weren't for Ruckus I wouldn't have any friends at all, but I know that's an exaggeration.

When I look back over my career, it is clear to me today that the basis of any success I had was in my willingness to  listen...the first step of which was knowing when to keep my mouth shut. The next step was in my willingness to listen in order to hear what I was being asked to do. After my retirement, I was inducted into my company's Hall of Honor...proof that my ability to listen mattered.

Sidebar: In retirement, I'm really recognizing my listening as a talent. It's hard to comprehend that so many people are incapable of listening...and with so little to say. But that may just be me, judging.

Thank You.

THE COMFORT OF UNSELF-CONCERN

I have heard it said that wisdom is simply knowing God's will.

It seems to me there is no universal knowing of God's will...where all the world agrees that Such-and-Such is God's will. All the world can't even agree that Such-and-Such is God.

There is a personal knowing of God's will, as spoken to us internally, through our conscience. If we haven't done a fair amount of work on our internal life, our conscience is undeveloped and still based in ego where "I want" rules, dressed up as "I need."

One really must work hard to have utterly no internal compass of right and wrong. The hard part is in caring whether our actions are right, good, for others or wrong, not good, for self.

By not caring, we stay in the world of the ego-victory. The daily fight to protect self, get over on others, get our rewards according to our wants...in other words, get ours whether we deserve ours or not. This is also the way of stress, ulcers, paranoia and bad backs.

By caring, we are turned within by grace to the Source, consisting of all the good that is or has ever been or will ever be, from which we build a loving conscience...daily. The end result is for the comfort of others which brings us the comfort of unself-concern, the pearl beyond price.

Thank You.

THE GIFT OF LEGITIMATE SUFFERING

The human condition is such that we need to live by a higher standard than we’d naturally choose...open to God and grace and growth.

Per Fr. Richard Rohr: "I am most quoted for this line: 'If you do not transform your pain, you will always transmit it.' Always someone else has to suffer because I don’t know how to suffer; that is what it comes down to. Jesus, you could say, came to show us how to suffer, how to carry 'the legitimate pain of being human,' as C.G. Jung called it. Beware of running from yourself and your own legitimate suffering, which is the price of being a human being in a limited world."

If we do not grow spiritually, welcoming ego reduction in depth, then ego-victory thinking will be our guide, and ego-invited pain will be our reward...and we will miss the gift of legitimate suffering.

Thank You.

ON OPENING THE MIND

For some reason, it is very difficult for us to accept our divine nature. This has always puzzled me. We pay money for books about how destructive we are. We stand in line to see movies that emphasize our capacity for making trouble. We go to encounter groups where we agitate each other over our weaknesses. Then, when [It] comes to tell us that the kingdom of heaven is within us, we say, 'There must be some mistake.' - "Words to Live By," by Eknath Easwaran, October 28.

Thank You.

GRATITUDE...A COSMIC FIX

[The following is a reprint of a blog of mine from July 15, 2008.]

It has been said that all one needs do to be happy right this very moment is to thank God for everything exactly as it is right this very moment.

Every time I find myself hoping, praying that “this” will happen or “that” won’t happen, I know, once again, I’m outside my gratitude field…in effect, telling God how life should be.  

I’m told that God’s will is what I would wish for if I had all the facts. To my chagrin, I’ve had enough of my prayers answered, exactly as I prayed, to know that for truth. [Meaning, of course, that I did not have all the facts and now look at the mess I have.]

I spent way too much of my life not knowing the exactly right thing to do, so doing nothing. I half jokingly say my idea of perfect peace back then was having somebody to blame.

Most times today, when I’m totally clueless how to handle something, I figuratively hold my nose, take a leap of faith, and thank God for whatever comes. That’s the joy of coming to believe, and then trusting, that a loving God is on my side…and yours.

Meister Eckhart said, “If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, that would suffice.”

Thank You.

FILLED WITH LOVING-KINDNESS

The following is a really neat meditation from A Path With Heart by Jack Kornfield, at p. 20:

"...begin to recite inwardly the following phrases directed to yourself. You begin with yourself because without loving yourself it is almost impossible to love others.

May I be filled with loving-kindness.
May I be well.
May I be peaceful and at ease.
May I be happy.

"As you say the phrases, you may also wish to...picture yourself as a young and beloved child, or sense yourself as you are now, held in a heart of loving-kindness."

I use that for my afternoon meditation, and always add my recent BFO: "I am as good as I ought to be...being me."

Thank You.

THE SECRET OF ALL RELATIONSHIPS

My Easwaran daily this morning spoke of relationships, how jealousy comes into a relationship when we try to possess someone for ourselves. "This is the secret of all relationships....Instead of trying to exact and demand, just give, give more, and give still more. This is the way to earn love and respect."

Note, he wrote "all"  relationships...within that, I'm thinking of our ever so tenuous relationship with God.

I'm guessing that is why so many of us cannot believe in a personal God, a loving God...God period. We have never not demanded from It. We have never thought to give to It...to ponder exactly how we could give to It.

We give to It in the exact same way we heard back in the day: Give to a friend, a spouse, a parent, a love with open hand, head, heart, seeking nothing in return but to give more. We heard that back when we were believing in Cinderella, Snow White, and that becoming homecoming queen would make us perfect and loved forever...back when it was easy to believe that we could and would love with open hand, head, heart, seeking nothing in return but to give more.

We believed that until we got run over by a Mack truck a few times (never accepting that we were the ones choosing to lay down in front of that truck). That's when we took matters unto our own self...and Armageddon bloomed.

And there's the pearl...our own personal Armageddon is our pearl beyond price. Without it, we'd still be looking for love in front of Mack trucks.

The trouble with loving with open hand, head, heart, seeking nothing in return but to give more is it is the truth, and it does not make sense to our reasoning mind. It is a hard, hard lesson learning that we  must go beyond reason to love...reason will block our every move.

We start with friends and family...and find it's actually easier to start with those we don't know at all. Then move up to those we're not too fond of. "With those we dislike we can begin to practice justice and courtesy, perhaps going out of our way to understand and help them." [Author anonymous.]

I think we move to our beloveds last because we expect with them that it will be easier...expecting them to respond in kind. When we don't get our expected result, it's devastating, and we drop the whole experiment and never move on to those we're not all that fond of to begin with...much less to God.

My life experience in giving love, just love, is it is a daily exercise...first in remembering, then in trying, then in trying again...and yet again. The miraculous news...the beyond my wildest dreams: I know I am going in the right direction. I have had some success. I'm building on that by asking God daily, "Whom  may I serve for you today?"

"You send them, I'll serve them" is my motto...any modicum of success is a YES! day for me.

Thank You.

EVENTUALLY IS HERE AND NOW

In any discord, no matter how minor, if one party does not yield, if only within him/herself, a major war will erupt...eventually. It will only be resolved by the yielding of one or both sides...complete surrender or compromise...which, when we look back, means that the discord was unnecessary to begin with.

Our reasoning mind always legislates for itself and will always have a self-determined objective at hand. Introduce a "minor discord," as in, we may want to simply shut the other person up or, something prettier, to not "upset" the other one (which, in reality, is the proverbial moi), and there is the seed of  resentment.  That seed will grow, will fester, will erupt into the very war our self-determined objective was seeking to avoid.

Again we are reminded: We have given up fighting anything and anybody. Eventually, the lesson we  learn is in how we give up. We learn to shuck our shields, to live with a giving-over attitude...also known as an attitude of gratitude. We give over through spiritual principles, spiritual growth, spiritual means.

The great lesson is that eventually is always NOW the instant that we realize that this, too, is of God, that in giving over we have been graced with peace, the pearl beyond price, our reasoning mind's one desire.

Thank You.

WHATEVER, GOD

My blinding flash of the obvious: To the ego-based reasoning mind, "changing my mind" equates to "losing my mind."

We do...in fact, we must...lose our ego-based reasoning mind. We must "loose it and let it go" in order to move more deeply into higher consciousness. Our reasoning mind becomes that which it was intended to be, a tool for the use of the higher power, the force within.

This is also known as turning over our will to a higher power. We do not turn over our will outwardly, we turn it over inwardly, to the power within. And that's not all: If we in truth turn over our will, our life will follow and follow into a better place...a place not dictated by ego-victory self-determined objectives, but determined by the perfect objective which is of God.

It all starts with our willingness to simply change our minds...not to what we think will be a better-for-me result, but to...the result we cannot know except that it will be in our behalf. It already is set and is in our behalf, we just need to awaken to that.

Being hesitant to trust what we cannot see, we need to look back over our life...almost invariably those events we tried to pray away became our gifts, those that we fought for and succeeded in winning became our "What was I thinking?!"

It comes down to the willingness to exchange our reasoning mind's "for me" results to "Whatever, God, thy will not mine be done."

Thank You.

TICKED OFF? GET GRATEFUL

I realized sometime back that all my defects of character are my gifts, my Golden Goose. I keep saying that I haven't had a bad day since I retired, but, in truth, I haven't had a bad day since I realized that.

The Golden Goose is the defect du jour. There's always something. Since I accept that nothing is in the past tense with me, I have learned to get grateful for everything. Whatever is ticking me today is that which I can use in my search for still more spiritual growth today.

Nothing else is such an effective prod. Knowing that to remove this character defect I should, I want to, I must...do naught because each leaves the burden of removal on me. That is like asking a handcuffed person to walk a tightrope over Niagara Falls. The chances of success are slim to nil.

Living an attitude of gratitude keeps a constant "Thank You" flowing...without thought therefore without reasoning mind deciding whether this one is thank-able or not. Unless it is wrapped in gold, it's rarely thank-able to the reasoning mind.

The reasoning mind, driven by the ego, will never find a less-than-wonderful appearing thing to be thank-able. My greatest gift awoke within me looking unwanted, ugly, bad and not good for me...I thank God for it daily.

That being true, then the current "Oh no, not that" can be...no, IS...thank-able.

Thank You.