I know that seeking good, seeking peace, seeking to do the
honorable thing are all acceptable, “the right stuff” so to speak.
And then I ponder on a self-determined objective as opposed
to God’s perfect objective…and I am reminded that seeking harmony is no better
than seeking discord…it’s still a self-determined objective. For I have
only my own idea of what harmony is, and whenever my wants bump up against
your wants, my idea of harmony is usually getting you to agree with me…or, when
I’m particularly spiritual in my own mind, letting you be right: mouth agrees
with you; mind thinks, “Oh, let it go;” ego says, “I’ll get you later.”
And a resentment is born.
So the key, it seems, goes back to staying in the is-ness of
now. Which sounds fanciful, but I am finding that it works when I remember
to say “Thank You” as whatever picture comes into my experience. And
in that acceptance, I am open to doing what I need to do at the moment and
letting it pass on by.
It is my old self-centered fear that is always in play…of
not getting the respect due me or losing the respect I feel I’ve so rightly
earned. And I realize anew that self-respect and self-centered fear cannot
co-exist…respect is of God, fear is not. Like a hug, I cannot “get” it, I can
only “give” it, at which point my own comes back to me.
Thank You.
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