My friend is trying to save his marriage...he and his wife are going to couples counseling, he is going to a relationship counselor, has joined a boatload of prayer groups and meditation circles, does Zen mental exercises hourly, brings little giftees home to his wife daily...and those are just the things his friends know of. Self-determined objectives, every one. Each one has a hook, an effect that he wants.
Quite simply, he is going to God for the self-determined objective of having his marriage the way he wants his marriage to be, i.e., comfortable for him, without hassle to him. But it's too selfish sounding to let that be alive in his own mind, so he thinks of it as for his wife, for the sanctity of their marriage.
To outside eyes those look like the logs that are being laid as the foundation for the break-up, the divorce. They are the conscience-clearer, the "I tried my best," "I did all I could do," the "NOT MY FAULT."
None of the things he is doing is bad...each one is a good thing, in fact. IF he were doing them to be a better husband, to be a more loving person, to show forth God simply to show forth God. Not to get, but to give...to release self for the benefit of another.
All of this came to me this morning in meditation when I found myself trying to think of the best way to let a friend know she is wrong and I am right. A spiritual way, don't you know. Unselfish. Loving. For her own good.
Apparently I'm still believing that it is my job to give God a giggle ever so often.
Thank You.
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