HARD AIN'T IT HARD...SOFTER, ACTUALLY

There is an element of grace, of something miraculous arising in us which gives us the capacity to be awake to our experience....This is hard enough when conditions are favorable—when we are relaxed and not particularly stressed about anything. However, when powerful emotions arise, it is generally much more difficult to find a ground in us that can be compassionately awake with what we are feeling. . . .  -- Fr Richard Rohr, "Daily Meditation," June 20, 2011

Still experiencing off-and-on anxiety and chest pains...which produces more anxiety by the mental gyrations questioning if this is spiritual or mental.

My right now BFO: I can go through this now, or I will go through this later. 

By "through this," I mean stay the spiritual course...trusting that this really is my continuing, ever deeper, initiation...this really is how my spiritual and physical life become One...this is how Soul loves mental into letting go of self.  

In going forward with my regular schedule...exercise, various appointments, etc...I am feeling anxiety...I am fearful...what if this is physical, is heart, is stroke? All are jabbing hard, and I pray to be quick "knocked off my horse" like Saul rather than slow walk as I need do to earn my wings. 

What's the alternative? If I walk it, I stay the spiritual course, carry out my dailies, and come out faith-filled...or stay the physical route...pop another aspirine...go to doctor. have still more of the same tests done showing nothing definite. As in, hunker down in self, head-safe, heart unfulfilled...and wait to die.   

Again, I go through this now, or I go through this later...when it will be much harder. It may not be fear of the physical then, it may be fear of financial insecurity which I have been relieved of not by money but by God...that, too, I can worrit away. 

There is no free ride to God...there is no self-comforted way to God...crash and burn-out of the ego is the only way. Hard, ain't it hard, Lord, loving you...but softer than ego's sharp stick in the eye. 

More will be revealed. Sit and wait on the Lord. And hurry up, already. Please and thank you.

Thank you.