ON SELF-CHOSEN PAIN AND GRACE

Much of your pain is self-chosen. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. -- Kahlil Gibran

What a comfort it is to read again that which I doubted first time round, yet today know to be true since I have proved it for myself. 

I have prayed about my anxiety oh so often and oh so diligently...meaning, I would constantly change (pretty up) the words to make them more acceptable to God so He would rid me of the anxiety. That never worked, so I would pray harder, pretty up more, etc.

Until one dark and dreadful morning in the bright light in my Soul, I realized my anxiety as the gift that turns me to God faster than the heart beats...I just needed to recognize that so I would listen. And I did...and I do...and I still have anxiety whenever it wants to come. At which time I say, silently or out loud, Thank You. As I welcome, it comes, it goes...without any necessary notice. 

I am certain sure, without my acceptance of anxiety as my Soul's helpmate all those years ago, I would have gotten off the Metro at Rosslyn for fear of riding under the Potomac and never gotten on the Metro again. Ah, and missed the inward glow of God's pleasure with me...which is still mine today. Thank you.

I go back to Gibran's much of your pain is self-chosen...one of my first spiritual lessons that stuck was everything happens by invitation only. That lesson helped hold the door open for Gibran's thought to enter in...and to invite my mentor to suggest I put a note on my bathroom mirror saying I am looking at my problem which is the truth that I am the source of all my woes. 

We stop trusting our answers to be out there, away from ourself, when we begin to trust what we are learning, that trust God, clean house and help others, is the key to our peace of mind, our source of joy and love of all.

Thank you.