SEEK AND YE SHALL FIND

If you are searching,

You must not stop until you find.

When you find, however,

You will become troubled.

Your confusion will give way to wonder.

In wonder you will reign over all things.

Your sovereignty will be your rest. 

[From "The Wisdom Jesus" by Cynthia Bourgeault. She notes it as from the Gospel of Thomas, recovered in 1945 amid the Nag Hammadi scrolls in the Egyptian desert and now largely accepted as an authentic teaching of Jesus...the other gospels stop with seek and you shall find.]

I read that teaching, I understood it from my eyebrows up...no, actually, from the first words, If you are searching through Your confusion will give way to wonder. I knew it because I have experienced it. 

The last two lines, however, cause me pause. I do not doubt their truth, but my understanding keeps slip sliding away.

In wonder you will reign over all things and Your sovereignty will be your rest. Interestingly, when first I read them, I knew what they meant...to me. In their travels from my brain to my gut on their way to my Soul, however, they keep taking pit stops, changing ever so slightly each time. 

I suspect my first thought of them is my truth: Receiving the gift of desperation fills us with wonder that our power is in our powerlessness...and we realize that we reign over all things for we have given up the fight. I liken it to Chief Joseph's I will fight no more forever. In those few words, we know our sovereignty is in our rest.

I doubt not more thoughts will come and go, but the answer is probably in Seek and you shall find. There is no defined what that we shall find...nothing we can put in a box and carry around with us. Just our ever deepening trust that what we find is a God-fulfilled need in the moment. And it is good.

Thank you.