Blinding flash of the obvious: Looking for a friend to be myself with binds me to the material world because the "myself" I want to be is my ego-self...there is no God there.
I was brought up short last night while talking with a friend. I found myself being brutally honest about another. Brutally honest almost always translates as "just plain mean," and I was. I was also fortunate enough to have a friend who did the bringing me up short without being brutally honest, and I heard her, thank you, Lord. Later, I realized that I was thinking of my friend as someone "I could be myself with," but that self was the one I've worked so hard to shed, to leave behind, to grow from.
That led to this morning's BFO, and the realization that I had always believed I needed a friend I could be myself with...only my idea of "being myself" was being my ego-self, talking trash about Gertrude in order to feel "better than." Ego-self is remarkably akin to comfort food in its worth...fattening, causes acne and tooth decay, and is totally addictive.
There is no God there...there is no spiritual growth there, much less God.
There is nothing wrong with a goal of being myself with a friend...or with anyone. For that matter, that's a good goal in this world. The necessary change was my inner slob needed a dressing down because I am no longer a trash-talking gossiper who needs to feel superior in order to feel acceptable.
[As a side bar: That BFO reminds me of the song that has the line looking back and longing for the freedom of my chains and lying in your lovin' arms again. It is the incongruous link of chains and loving arms that is the hook equating wanting to be my ego-self and believing I'm seeking still more spiritual growth.]
I am filled with gratitude this morning. I'm grateful for BFOs that assure me God always has my back and lets me know it. I'm grateful for a loving friend who gets my attention without using a sledgehammer. I'm grateful a sledgehammer is no longer needed to get my attention. I am grateful that I got the word that our missteps can and will enlighten us...all we need do is own them in order to release them.
Thank you.
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