Say we have a race-race, run-run mind that is racing against a friend's snarky comment and, in particular, what we shoulda, coulda, woulda said. We know we can get relief from our screeching thoughts in an instant by pushing back, by standing up for our self...in short by spitting out a snark in return.
Our struggle begins (again)...do we want spiritual growth at some point, or do we want relief from our ego-victory nagging mind now? It's a matter of our integrity, old Lucy, our ego, will cry. Yet, we have come to realize and accept that there is no spiritual growth there.
That's the nut, the core problem with spiritual growth...it rarely if ever comes in the moment. Plus, it will not ride us like a crazed banshee as our ego does.
We must want spiritual growth to the exclusion of all else. And that presents another paradox: We do want spiritual growth, we do not want to obey our ego-victory dictates...yet we do what we do not want all the while praying God to give us what we do want.
We begin the change when we accept responsibility for our own thoughts. We learn we must stop entertaining thoughts of how we have been, or soon will be, wronged, and what we can say to stop/top the wrong doer. We realize we must give up the game of win/lose.
That realization lifts our mind to a higher plane. There it seems to start by proving we are the wrong one, then ends by proving there is no wrong one, nor is there a right one. We realize with God there is only love.
Thank you.
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