We know we are on the right road going in the right direction with our first denial of self...which feels less than wonderful until after the fact. Sometimes it is only much later that we realize we were touched by angels in that first deciding moment when we denied our own self for the benefit of another.
"For the benefit of another" is the key to God's gifts...not eating a pound of chocolates may be denying our own wants but proof of an angel's presence it is not.
I was reminded of that in my morning prayers as I thanked God for blessing my thoughts...which, I confess, have not improved one iota. I could almost wish I didn't know why, but who's kidding whom? It's Lucy...again. I'm about at the point of needing to admit that she may crack God up, but we are not amused.
I know I'm on the right track, etc., when I hear my innards moaning, "How long oh Lord?" That's when I know my perfected defect of character, the one that's been transmuted, is awake...I am taking myself too seriously. I smile...with a touch of grimace thrown in, but that's right track.
The thought occurs that it's time I accept responsibility for upgrading my thoughts. And here's my spiritual experience come to save the day: I accept responsibility by accepting my thoughts just as they are. Then I can re-realize that God is on the field. I am learning more about humility than I ever could by self-willing thoughts of sweet, kind, considerate, lovable and generous because it is impossible to hold those thoughts.
It is that very powerlessness that brings me to my knees, with a thank you on my lips, and a hug for Lucy who needs it, too.
Thank you.
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