SEEKING THAT WHICH IS ALREADY OURS

Whenever I get that ego-feeding feeling that I've fairly well got the answer...the answer is love, love is thank you, thank you is a grateful heart, a grateful heart is grace...isn't that a pretty thought?...I pull out a note I wrote to myself in 2000.

I wrote about a co-worker, another Gertrude, another day, another me trying to get over me: Love Gertrude and her true colors, which I believe are puce and brown, and all her ways. Seek love with a will or fall by the wayside.

I reread the note because it is my example to me that even in the midst of a good, honest, from the heart prayer, my ego is on its toes, tap dancing on my good intentions. The give-away, of course, is the "puce and brown." Smart-aleck. A gotcha, Gertrude, put-down.

The one fact of which I feel sure is I do not now know The Answer, nor will I know it in this lifetime. Or the next. It is unknowable. No...maybe it's not that it is unknowable, maybe it's that it's unbelievable...we know it, we just can't believe it. It, of course, being God and the ways of God.

According to me, we're born with the knowledge and spend our life trying to find that which is ours to begin with. And that's if we're doing it right. That's how every rue, regret and remorse is our little piece of gold...each being our proof that we were seeking, we were just looking in the wrong direction.

And I must add that my pretty thought is more than just a pretty thought to me...it's my mantra. It came to me fully clothed as a blinding flash of the obvious so I don't want to leave it out there disrespected. It serves me well.

Thank you.