THE WAY OF THE CROSS...THE DEATH OF EGO

I am learning...slowly, slowly...to live my life detached from my own imperfect viewpoint. Recently a friend and I each felt "done wrong" by the other...according to our own self-centered thinking.

Detaching myself from the whole situation, I saw that which I had resisted and personalized (which is the first step in attaching). Rather than hold to my hurt opinion that this was her putting me down (inviting her right-back-at'cha angry opinion of me), I experimented. I invited my belief that "God's hand is in it" to do my thinking for me. (I believe, or say I do, that God's hand is in everything...especially the not wonderful happenings that we resist and pray for God to change...in our favor.)

This happened awhile back, and the punchline is that she responded in kind, that is to say, with love; since then we each show each other courtesy, kindness and love, and today we are closer friends because of that incident.

Now. Today. Here's me with almost the exact same situation but different friend. I feel like I'm arm-wrestling with God because I am right, and she is wrong. I want for her own good to lovingly tell her that I am right and she is wrong period, get over yourself, Gertrude, let's move on.

I know from my toenails up that I will do the right thing...give up, give over...because I no longer have a choice. Reaping the rewards of spiritual growth just once is the teacher. That's how we learn that there is no inside advancement, only falling back, if we don't.

That's the trouble with still more spiritual growth...you never get to feel good about yourself until after you've given over, given in, conceded, surrendered, LOST. But then you really, really do feel...not so much good about yourself, but contented, I guess. At peace for sure, but deeper even.

Hey, that may be the love we seek which is always present...we just don't feel it until we let go...of everything.

My blinding flash of the obvious: Can the way of the cross be a metaphor for the death of ego? It feels like crucifixion, or we fear it will feel like crucifixion, but in fact there is naught but a sweet feeling of awe when we refuse our ego and choose God.

Thank you.