GOD DOESN'T MAKE SENSE

It is so easy to justify fear. Fear of having no say in our final demise. Or fear of financial insecurity. Or fear of a lone-wolf terrorist attack...the list is endless. Because fear is endless if fear is where we choose to live. We do have a choice...we can feel fear (and, if we're doing it right, we will) and welcome it, knowing God has our back; or we can feel fear, panic, and not welcome but fight it...and sink deeper into it.

The God of my understanding...a personal omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent power of and for good...either is or is not. If he is not all of that, he is nothing. My God does not come in pieces. Or to pieces.

I'm reminding myself of this because recently I've talked with two very intelligent people, for whom I have deep respect and love, both of whom are advocating for assisted suicide. Which is my quandary right now.

It's like my budget on paper. On paper, I should be able to save...period; but, in reality, a whole 'nother story. Assisted suicide in talks makes abundant sense, and I'm well nigh accepting the idea...but, wait. What about the God of my understanding which has my back...which IS my back? What about that?

I was feeling half way good about myself because I am only conscious of one on-going trepidation...having no say in my final demise. (I'll know I've walked through it when I quit calling it trepidation and call if fear, pure and simple.)

To get to the other side of that, I picture myself in my worst-case scenario...strapped down in a hospital, almost but not quite unconscious but unable to speak, and the medics not knowing of, or simply ignoring, all the written instructions to pull the plug, no extraordinary nuthin', let me go and now. I take that picture to the outside of enough...set my own hair on fire with fear.

Then I picture God in his infinite way lifting me out of there. Could be by a medic unknowingly tripping and pulling the plug or the electricity going out in my room, whatever. Makes no never mind...God will prevail for the best for me if I will but trust him.

The trick is to not decide for an alternative to God's will because the reasoning mind always goes for the alternative, i.e., its own answer...because it makes sense! God doesn't make sense...he makes miracles.

Thank you.