Moses stuttered...which, I'm guessing, was not a gift in Moses's mind. But, to God, it was just a tool to use. Those of us who have been gifted with anxiety, depression, self-centered fear (and what other kind is there?), can get on the right road to free of our own self when we remember Moses's God experience.
Then there's Jacob...who, in wrestling with the angel, said, "I will not let you go until you bless me." There. That's the quiet word...recognize our anxiety, our depression, our fears for the angels they are, and don't let go until they bless us. For they can and will just by our acceptance of them.
Then there's Jacob...who, in wrestling with the angel, said, "I will not let you go until you bless me." There. That's the quiet word...recognize our anxiety, our depression, our fears for the angels they are, and don't let go until they bless us. For they can and will just by our acceptance of them.
I say this not because I'm betting it is true...I know from my own personal experience that this is true. I am a believer of hardly anything that I have not had actual experience with...faith does not come easy, and, if it does, it's usually fantasy.
So here's my experience of my own personal stonewall turning out to be God's gift to me: Starting in 1981 and lasting until 2001, give or take, out of the blue I became unable to read aloud before others (anxiety would cause my throat to feel as if it were closing, and I could not get words out). I would test me and read aloud at home alone...no problem. But in meetings where we often read aloud, I would attempt to read and sometimes be able to without a hint of a problem, but usually...croak! I did not try to hide my inability to read, I would just admit to anxiety and pass off to the person next to me.
So here's my experience of my own personal stonewall turning out to be God's gift to me: Starting in 1981 and lasting until 2001, give or take, out of the blue I became unable to read aloud before others (anxiety would cause my throat to feel as if it were closing, and I could not get words out). I would test me and read aloud at home alone...no problem. But in meetings where we often read aloud, I would attempt to read and sometimes be able to without a hint of a problem, but usually...croak! I did not try to hide my inability to read, I would just admit to anxiety and pass off to the person next to me.
Let me be clear, I did not initially recognize this as a blessing, and I tried what I could to get over it. I knew I could not trust anti-anxiety meds and the like, so I went to a shrink. He very cleverly told me my throat wasn't really closing, it just felt like it was. I thanked him, paid him, and left.
Now, here's God's gift...over those twenty years, many people came into my life, were drawn into my life actually by what was to me, at first, a curse. And most of those people are still in my life, have become very dear friends. It was the openness with which I was graced that attracted others to me. I take no credit for that openness because I knew then and know now that secrets are our ego's hidey-hole where we go to drown.
So whatever is in our life that looks like a frog...kiss it on the lips. It may still be a frog, but a frog gift from God is still a gift from God! And all we need do to love our frog gift is change our mind.
Thank you.
Now, here's God's gift...over those twenty years, many people came into my life, were drawn into my life actually by what was to me, at first, a curse. And most of those people are still in my life, have become very dear friends. It was the openness with which I was graced that attracted others to me. I take no credit for that openness because I knew then and know now that secrets are our ego's hidey-hole where we go to drown.
So whatever is in our life that looks like a frog...kiss it on the lips. It may still be a frog, but a frog gift from God is still a gift from God! And all we need do to love our frog gift is change our mind.
Thank you.
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