I suspect that ego deflation in depth is spiritual growth taking root. It hurts if we're doing it right.
I recently took a leap of faith by openly sharing my all-alone feelings to a group of friends. The response has been thunderous silence, and I am feeling rejected...embarrassed, in truth. My ego Lucy is deep into plans for where we can move to...or run to and hide at any rate.
According to me, this is the process of actually doing that which it is so easy to talk about: We hold our nose and take a leap of faith...while we are still out there in the ether, we are holding...no matter how teeny-tiny the hold...to the idea that we will land on the other side with our want-to gifted to us.
We are blessed when we land not only in the exact opposite of our want-to, but in the midst of our need. Until we let go of that want utterly and completely (until every last farthing is paid), we will have our rues, regrets and remorses niggling at us.
When we are stuck in our want-to, there is no peace, be still. There is only self, praying we get our want. Until we are lifted into gratitude for our unwanted need, ego will dictate our feelings...unloved, unwanted, unneeded and unappreciated. Speaking of egoic hurts.
Our further lesson to learn is feeling like we want to run and hide from a hurt is to be loved, too. Hug it and kiss it and let it go. Then we listen for the word from the Lord...and go forward acting on that word.
Here's a clue...if the word from the Lord doesn't begin with love and laugh, we're heading down that wrong road again. With Lucy happily making mud pies over to the side.
Thank you.
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