I was done a serious mental, physical and spiritual harm by a relative when I was quite young. For years, I used that as my justification/excuse for any and everything I did or wanted to do. I used it and expected understanding and to be cut a break into the bargain. Plus I felt that I got a free pass to resent the act, the actions, the actor...which I did while freely bad-mouthing all.
I learned a hard lesson...I can choose to be the Victim and, in effect, to brag about it (which turns people away), or I can get over myself and go for still more spiritual growth (which invites people in).
That's when I realized that I needed to forgive Relative and everything else, including myself. I prayed...please give me understanding, please give me forgiveness, please relieve me of my resentment, please...I was, in effect, trying to make what happened unhappen.
I finally saw that I already have within me all the tools for understanding, forgiving, accepting. Then God, or something like it, whispered in my ear, "Getting free of Relative means I simply free Relative." My less than wonderful feelings toward Relative were transmuted, and I no longer need to bad mouth, make excuses or ponder it. I get to walk free in my own mind today.
The rest of that understanding: I will forget. Then I'm reminded that's what spiritual growth is about...accepting my imperfect self and God's love in the face of that. Else what's God for?
Thank You.
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