I wrote (in regard to a certain defect of my character) in my "God Calling" on this day in 1984, "I cannot let go, cannot make the decision to let go. God grant...." I read that and remembered that period of time. I walked around feeling utterly and completely discouraged, beaten, hopeless.
Here's me in 2013 with the exact same defect of character singing in my ear. I also read that and marveled...I had a hard time believing I took it...or me...so seriously. Because here I am today walking around feeling utterly and completely happy, joyous and free the majority of the time. And it's been a long time since I felt utterly and completely hopeless...about anything.
I don't feel happy, joyous and free when I think of my defect of character. I just feel like I do when I'm walking Ruckus at 5:30 AM, and he's determined to sniff every blade of grass there is, and it's freezing...pretty much, COME ON, get it done already, and let's go in.
The major difference within me is that I was utterly self-consumed in 1984. Today, I still have self-concern, but I'm just as concerned for others, for what I can do to be a positive help to others and to life in general.
That defect of character will come and go...it has, you might say, been transmuted. It no longer defines me. And the wonder is that it never did define me to others...only to me and only in my resistance to it which gave it life in my mind.
That describes my understanding of the difference between acceptance and resignation. Acceptance is accepting ourselves by acknowledging our littleness (not smallness), and with that as a fact, striving to live to a higher purpose. Resignation is resigning ourselves to this piece of low-life that we are, ever were and ever will be so what's the use, I'll continue doing whatever I want to do anyway...and hating me for it.
Self-acceptance is really acceptance of the Self within us/without us. We really must get out of self to get to self-acceptance.
Thank You.
No comments:
Post a Comment