ON BEING HARD-WIRED FOR GOD

My friend Mac says that we are hard-wired to seek God. The minute I heard that I knew it for my truth.

In the end, all our mental gyrations, the intellectual arguments within ourselves, about the existence/non-existence of God are for naught. For the hard lesson learning is that whatever we are seeking to the exclusion of all else is our god of the moment.  Food, drink, drugs, a mate, winning, being better at...anything...than s/he is, each and all is our god of the moment when it is dancing us around. 

For me, I've learned that my arguments really were not about the existence of God. Down deep, they were all about if I believe in God, am I going to get mine? Mine being whatever I intellectually believed that I needed right then in order to be happy. When we're searching for a god of the moment, our happiness will be illusory...ever fleeing away from us.

When we're searching for God in order to get...anything...we're going down that wrong road again. That road of self-determined objectives that knows no god but self. Good luck with that.

My friend's complete quote is: "We are hard-wired to seek God. That, it seems to me, is what is meant by the 'hunger of the heart.'”  Isn't that wonderful? Its truth is blinding.

Thank You.

JUDGMENTAL IS NEVER HELPFUL

The secret to living a life with no regrets is not to never do anything (my first option), but to find the gold in the things I've done that I wish I hadn't!

It occurred to me recently that there are things in my recent and long-gone past life that were less than wonderful in my memory but which have become proof of angels in my life. They only became proof of angels by my looking for their gold...in my long-gone past, they were proof in my mind that God was not present in my hour of need. (Take yourself too seriously? Yes, on occasion.)

This came to me when I was taking my mentor's inventory for not letting me off the hook for doing some of my less than wonderful things. He reminds me what my original objective was, and it wasn't still more spiritual growth. Which I need to remember, because when I realize the gold, my tendency is to believe my motives were spiritually based from the get-go...CYA in the memory.

One reason I need to never forget that my original motives were ego-based is to enable me to be empathetic to the person who comes to me with her less than wonderful screw-up, looking for understanding. Judgmental is never helpful...a universal truth.

Thank You.

A SHORTCUT TO A FRET-FREE LIFE

There's a commercial that plays a lot on TV today...about heartburn...the punchline of which is, "So don't get heartburn in the first place."

That's the perfect reminder for forgiveness...about resentments...with the punchline, "So don't get a resentment in the first place."

The instructions for how to not get a resentment are everywhere...Buddhists, Christians, Muslims, et al., all are taught, in some manner, that the way to a love-filled life is to learn to live without resistance. It is impossible to begin the process of learning to live, to love, without resistance as long as we believe we are dependent wholly on our reasoning mind. Our ego lives in our reasoning mind, and it tells us we must not let him get away with stealing from us, or her get over on us with her lies, or either of them get ahead of us in the ticket line...any ticket line.

Commonsense becomes our enemy in spiritual work.

The Sermon tells us if someone steals our coat, we must run after him and give him our cloak. And life teaches us that if someone tells a lie about us, the worst thing we can do is breath life into it by defending ourselves. If it is a lie, it will die with some people believing it and others not, and neither way makes a row of pins except if we pick it up. Don't get a resentment in the first place.

If we pick the lie up, it is now ours, and it will live forever in our resentful mind...or until it becomes so painful to us that we must ask God to forgive US and set US free.  Our very misery ensures that he is no longer a factor...even though we keep her name on it. We just need to remember the lesson of how not to get a resentment...live/love without resistance.

All this boils down to learning a shortcut to a fret-free life: Someone does you wrong...let her, love him, keep on trucking.

Thank You.

CLEAN IT UP WITHIN...WHERE GOD IS

The works that the Father has given me to complete, the very works that I am doing, testify on my behalf that the Father has sent me. – John 5:36

I read that recently, and it has been perc'ing in my thoughts ever since. It is quoted as Jesus's, but what, in fact, if it applies to me...to me right now? If that be true, it clearly behooves me to clean up what I'm doing...or thinking at any rate. Unfortunately, my ego-based reasoning mind doesn't know what my intellect  does know; i.e., loose it and let it go, do not touch the tar baby else the tar will get all over you, etc. 

Not always, not even very often, but whenever it chooses, the memory of an ugly will come back dressed up as what we need to do to set her straight, pay him back, make them sorry (but in the kindest possible way for their own good, of course). 

Here's the good news...we can know that our stepped-on toes started with something we put out there. We'd best choose to ponder until we know what we put out there for that single fact shuts the ego's prattle down more effectively than anything else. It does not necessarily make us love the outcome but it does make it our responsibility to clean it up in our own thoughts within, not by our own words without. For that's how wars begin, and there is no God there.

Thank You.

THE GRACE OF GOD

The grace of God is a wind which is always blowing. -- Sri Ramakrishna

We cannot get the grace of God...we can only give in to the grace of God.

Thank You.

LOOSE IT AND LET IT GO

The soul that is attached to anything, however much good there may be in it, will not arrive at the liberty of divine union. For whether it be a strong wire rope or a slender and delicate thread that holds the bird, it matters not, if it really holds it fast; for, until the cord be broken, the bird cannot fly.
--Saint John of the Cross

IN THE ALL IS THE ONE

What makes spiritual growth so difficult, I'm guessing, is that it requires the suspension of our ego-based thinking, our reasoning mind.

If a pretty thought comes to us, and it makes perfect sense, AND it is beneficial to us into the bargain, our ego accepts it as God's will, when in fact we can pretty much bet we're going down that wrong road again.

Mainly because our reasoning mind is built around: "We're in it to win it." Whereas, spiritual growth is built around: "We're not in it to win it, we're in it to help others find peace and/or love and/or joy." We cannot help another find those inner gifts without having already found ours. It may be that it is ours that is drawing out theirs...kinda like priming a pump.

I was with a group of friends recently, and the fact that there is never a need to try to win a debate, an argument, a fight was being discussed...that God has our back in any and all cases at any and all times, and that God has the other person's back, too. Everybody was trucking with the concept until we hit "God has the other's back, too." Disapproving sighs, hmmpffs, and loud frowns were heard. Yet, that right there is The Goal in spiritual growth...to not be concerned with winning/losing...to detach from that whole concept...to keep our focus on giving over so we both come out knowing God's hand guided the debate not for me, not for you, but for all.

It is in the All that we find the One.

Thank You.

BELIEVING, THEN DOING...AH, THERE'S THE NUT

My theory is that all of our troubles start in our own mind with resistance to what we are perceiving and taking our resistance to that as a fact.

All the great religions tell us in one way or the other that our inner happiness is in getting over our own self.  We read the Sermon on the Mount, and it lays out in simple terms our need to "love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you." [Matthew 5:44]

That does not make sense to the ego-based reasoning mind. But the fact is that I personally have never had a blinding flash of the obvious that was about how I could get over on you, how I could win, how I could frame the debate in my behalf. My BFOs are about the beauty in nature or about what I could do for the benefit of another -- wait...is that the same thing?

I can believe my theory because I've got half a dozen people in mind who would greatly benefit by believing unto doing this. (Yet I'm still pondering how to get over on the one who has seriously ticked me off.)

Thank you.

HEADING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION

...if you want peace of mind, do not find fault with others. Rather learn to see your own faults. -- Sri Sarada Devi

Immediately upon reading that, I thought of three different people, each of whom needs me to set them straight, i.e., to explain to them the error of their ways. And when I thought of them, thought each of their faults through, it was amazingly clear that I was using their same thinking so I could sit in judgment of them. One for instance: A relative of mine is still angry at decades-old events that, to her, have my name on them...so I'm using decades-old justifications to set her straight in my mind.

The good news is that, on recognizing these incidents, theirs and ours, we can give over again to them...find again where they each have a valid point along with our blessing. We no longer need to beat ourselves up for returning, sliding back, not getting it right still yet again. We finally realize that that IS how we come to a higher consciousness.

I, for one, have never been "rocketed into the fourth dimension" and stayed in that place, never leaving except to rise higher. I have been "rocketed into the fourth dimension," but it has taken a lot of conscious effort to get back to it when, not if, I veered off the path.

Mine is the story of the proverbial three steps forward, one step back...which, please note, is always heading in the right direction. What a surprise it was when I learned that that is the very essence of self-acceptance. Self-acceptance, that which I once believed was what we got when we quit making any mistakes...when we got perfect in other words.

The truth is that self-acceptance comes when we quit finding fault with others...and find peace of mind instead.

Thank You.

GROWING IN GOD-NESS

He insulted me, he cheated me, he beat me, he robbed me -- those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace. -- The Buddha

In re transforming consciousness: ...You have to look for the right spot. In some people it is a particular compulsive craving; in some it is jealousy; in some, blind fury. Some may be fortunate enough to have all three. [NOTE: Yes, fortunate.] "Words to Live By," Eknath Easwaran, December 5

Life with Me is not immunity from difficulties, but peace in difficulties....Joy is the result of faithful trusting acceptance of My will when it seems not joyous. -- God Calling, January 8

It may seem that all of our true growth in God-ness, or goodness, is the exact reverse of what we want, what our ego-based reasoning mind believes is best for us.

As long as we stay based in the belief that we must take our own part, look out for No. 1, without regard for the other person's part (who, incidentally, is also No. 1), we will miss our true lesson: God has our back. All we need to learn and learn unto living it, breathing it, is simply that...not mine, but God's.

The reason why, of course, is that as long as I believe that it is my job, I will only look out for me. Give it to God, honestly and sincerely give it to God, and in the giving over, everyone grows in God-ness.

Whether we realize it or not.

Thank You.

GET HAPPY ABOUT IT

There are so many levels to life itself...that's what keeps us from ever getting bored. If we're bored, we're not doing it right.

There seems ever to be someone else in our lives who is not doing it right. And we need to talk to them..."to vent," "to clear the air," "to get it out in the open." It is a rude awakening when we realize all that is true only if we are prepared to let the other person off our hook, as in, be right, or, worse [gulp], win.

And not by just saying the correct (but pretty) words, such as, "You were right and I was wrong," with the implied, "Now you say it." No, we must do an about face mentally by coming to believe that he has a valid point. Not negating our own but not defending it, either. We are where we are because we believed we were right. Now our job has become to expand ourselves, our own attitude, to allow that her point has validity, too. In other words, our job now is, quite simply, to change our own mind.

That part is done within us before we ever ask for a sit down to talk.

We cannot begin as long as we hold to a single thought of "yes, but...." Not in just not saying it, but, most important, in not thinking it, not feeling it. And that cannot be done by our unaided will alone. Only by relying on a power higher than ourselves can we be lifted out of ourselves...to where we need to be.

If we hold to one smidgen of our own over hers, it will fester, going deeper, spreading further, doing harm to us and to other relationships here and now and way down the pike. All because we have not been willing to get over our own selves with our current ego problem.

None of this means that we are always wrong. No, no, no. We are right but so is she, so is he...God is in the solution when we both, when we all, come out the winner.

Life is never boring when we give up the win/lose mentality...when we sincerely want God's will done in our lives more than we want our own will done in our lives.

Thank You.

FIND OUR SAMENESS AND BE FREE

If the future is to differ from the past, [Gandhi] taught, if we are to leave a peaceful and healthy earth for our children, it will be the ordinary man and woman who do it: not by becoming extraordinary, but by discovering that our greatest  strength lies not in how much we differ from each other but in how much -- how very much -- we are the same. --  "Words to Live By," Eknath Easwaran, February 17.

I need to change my focus. It is not mine to educate the Tea Party-ers, the religious fanatics, the pharmaceutical industry, et al. It is mine to find my sameness with them...with Wayne LaPierre, with John McCain, with Sylvia Schloppenhaufer who lives next door to me and is a blah blah blah, all equaling "wrong" because each is the antithesis of my "right."

Easwaran's last line in today's reading: "One person can make a difference." The change, we learn, comes from within us, is already within us awaiting release...and we have started. We must never forget, we have started...it is now for us to continue.

Thank You.

LOVE = PATIENCE = LOVE

To know love, to show love, we must have patience with others...especially with others who try our patience. They are our angels, here to teach us love....specifically invited by us, specifically to teach us love.

Thank You.

CHANGE AND GETTING OVER ONESELF

Changes...all around me are changes. There's a huge open field next door to my building, and I have a corner unit that overlooks the field. In the spring, there are beautiful trees turning green, flowers coming into bloom...the anticipation of my joy at that view gets me through February.

Well. Somebody with an interest more in money than in aesthetics has decided that field needs to disappear, and a huge condominium needs to be erected there. Construction has begun.

My field is now surrounded by plastic sheeting, wood spikes, concrete barriers, etc., ad nauseam.  In the center of the field sits at least six trucks with workers doing a zillion different construction things. There are very few trees or bushes left...all day yesterday whenever I looked out my window, I could see a tree limb disappearing into a wood-eating machine and splinters flying out the other side.

My job for the next year, or however long it takes to erect the huge condominium, is to keep a grateful attitude, to not fret about just exactly what is there to be grateful about? I want to just be grateful, and let God bless the rest.

There will be people who move into that condo when it is completed who will never have known the field in the springtime, and they will believe themselves blessed to have found such a nice place, so near the Metro, so right for them. And they will be right. And I can be grateful for them. Won't hurt me...will, in fact, help me get over myself.

Thank You.

OUR VALENTINE FROM GOD

You do not realize that you would have broken down under the weight of your cares but for the renewing time with me. -- God Calling, February 14.

There's our gift...our Valentine from God. Read that and realize the real gold in our every day making ourselves available to God, to do with us, to build of us as He will. And much of that time we're wondering,  "Is this working? Am I doing anything worthwhile here? I could be doing x, y, or z, and seeing some results." The results are in the making...sit and wait on the Lord.

We may feel like a fallow field from time to time, but He has already solved our problems. It is our tarrying that slows the process...He is going as fast as we allow.

A fallow field does not give up because it is fallow. A fallow field lies in wait for its time to come.

Thank You.

ANGELS OF THE EMERY BOARD

[The following is a reprint of a blog of mine from January 27, 2012.]

A new way of looking at/feeling toward a friend came to me this morning. On the one hand, she is a lovely gracious and giving person with a great sense of humor; on the other, she has a too-often-present competitive attack mode.

My BFO: When in that mode, she is my angel of the emery board. (I have come to believe that people who rub us the wrong way are our emery boards, helping to smooth our resistance into acceptance.)

Her too-often-present competitive attack mode is exactly what I resist. It intimidates me, so when she is in that mode, my attitude judges, with my mouth pursed, which triggers more attack.

I know “that which we resist, persists” so I need to start to walk this through (find my acceptance) with gratitude in grace…I have started just through my BFO of recognizing this.

Actually I haven’t started…”It is finished.” My reasoning mind is all set to ponder this forever and do nothing. In fact, the problem is solved through the recognition. The rest is all in the discipline of training my mind to focus on the fact of my own freedom. All that is required is a “Thank You” when this angel of the emery board rises up and my judgmental mind starts to answer.

It will be interesting to me to see how long I choose to take in living this new freedom…for it is entirely up to me.

Thank You.

LIFE ITSELF

A bit beyond perception’s reach

I sometimes believe I see

that Life is two locked boxes, each

containing the other’s key.

– Piet Hein, Danish poet

RESIST NOT WHAT IS

Common belief today seems to be that surrendering/accepting whatever we are resisting will bring us peace AND we’ll get that which we were desiring in the first place.

For instance, I once lost a large amount of cash…and it was at a time when I could least afford to lose a dollar much less any amount more. Panic grabbed my gut and with it, somehow, the thought flashed that I must not have needed the money. Anxiety, the bane of my life, evaporated instantly.

I shared this with a friend who immediately said, “And then you found the money, huh?”

No, life is not about how to get our wishes fulfilled…it is about acceptance of what is just as it is without our wishes being considered.

It was worth the loss of the money to me to realize the greater gift, the pearl beyond price: We are relieved of anxiety in the instant we release any resistance to what is.

Thank You.

GOD...ALWAYS AND ALL WAYS

I was out with friends last night, and out of nowhere a killer allergy attack hit me in my left eye and left nostril. Interestingly, for the first time in my conscious memory, I had three (3) packs of Kleenex with me. I made use of two and three quarters of those packs and the last quarter pack got me home.

Here's where I find God in everything, in the little things in particular. To my thinking, God knew my need before the need arose, and I had put the Kleenex in my purse without conscious thought.

Someone might wonder about their allergy attack when they had to go get a roll of toilet tissue or go home or whatever. The answer, of course, is that this is the God of my understanding...the God of my consciousness: God has my back always and all ways. Which I learned from someone else...a whole lot of someones as a matter of fact.

So, anyone can open his mind, invite out the God who has her back in any and all cases. Then practice...and practice...then practice some more...seeing unto knowing that truth in every little happening of the day.

I do not doubt that there will come a time when an allergy attack hits, and I will not have my Kleenex at the ready nor will I be at a place where I can get a roll of toilet tissue...and God will provide for my need. I do not need to know how ahead of the time that the need arises. I only need to rest in the assurance that God has my back this very instant, Now. And that will suffice.

Thank You.

WELCOME EVERYTHING

Do the next right thing. I have never loved that...I wasn't wild about it when it was "do the next thing" and then somebody "improved" it and added the word "right" which totally invalidated it to my thinking. As far as I am concerned, adding "right" shuts down any possibility of actually doing anything. We just get caught in our own downward spiral of what, exactly, is the right thing to do?

I love the advice I was given: "Do something about something." That's it. Don't fancify it, don't complicate it. Especially don't kid ourselves that we're doing anything, particularly anything productive, when we're all up in our head trying to decide whether the right thing is A or Z...or possibly H. All we'll get done is make ourselves crazier...more undecided.

That's when the best bet is to ask someone...and it really doesn't matter to whom we turn. In reality, even people we're not overly fond of (because they're not overly fond of us, of course) won't deliberately give us bad advice. Mainly because it takes too long to figure which is the worst, which is the best advice to give. So ask and then do. Give ourselves time to ponder, and we're back on that treadmill to the black hole yet again.

It is a comfort to know that just by asking the first available person is asking God...He's everywhere! She's everywhere! It's the detaching from our own reasoning mind, trying to figure it out, that opens the door for God's solution to appear.

The kicker and the deepest growth comes when we do exactly that...having already asked God, asked our friends, our mentor, our next-door neighbor, we simply ask the next available person. And we follow their advice. And the result is so wrong. So OMG what to do, what to do!? THERE...that, too, is God's will.

This is when and where we learn that our reasoning mind's result, which is the best we can imagine, is not for our best according to God. Go with God and sooner or later we realize that we got a way better result than imaginable.

Welcome everything...for there is our angel unaware.

Thank You.

A RESENTMENT, A PRECIOUS OPPORTUNITY

"The test of a man or woman's breeding is how they behave in a quarrel." -- George Bernard Shaw

What is so important to remember is that how we react in a quarrel or to a perceived slight determines the course of the interaction in our consciousness...in our walking-around world.

I don't doubt that most of our quarrels are in our own heads. We learn to keep our mouths shut...most times. We learn to shoot a prayer for the other...most times. It's the holding on to the reason why we're doing those things that wakes us at 2:00 AM and reminds us of what we should have said. And as long as we live in an I-can-take-care-of-myself world, that will be our truth.

It is only when we learn that we can indeed take care of ourselves that we realize the downside of that...we can but not without resentment. Not without causing pain to our own psyche (for the unbeliever), to our own Soul (for the believer). The gold comes when we fully understand that believer or not, resentment will stunt our growth...mentally (I'll get crazy), spiritually (I'll get crazy all alone), physically (I'll get crazy all alone and fat into the bargain). For that is the nature of resentment.

What a great gettin' up morning it is when we know complete defeat...when we understand that we cannot just drop a resentment by saying so. That we, of our own selves, cannot let go of a resentment. That only a power beyond reason can bring us peace of mind.

Every resentment given over to love of the cause of our resentment is God's gift to us. The sooner we welcome that love, the sooner we know Its love.

Thank You.

OUR REASONING MIND IS NOT THE POWERHOUSE

A resentment is like a tar baby...the more we wrestle with it, trying to get rid of it, the more we wrap ourselves up in it, showing it forth.

We can see the golden shore of forgiveness, we know what peace that offers, we long for that feeling, yet our thoughts return to the tar baby. How we can clean IT up, make IT pay, make IT see ITS wrong in tarpapering us.

The lesson we must learn is that our reasoning mind cannot on its own power change a resentment into forgiveness. We must surrender to the fact (or accept the fact), first, that our reasoning mind is not the powerhouse we want it to be, and, second, that there is a powerhouse within us waiting to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves.

Let go and let God.

Thank You.

MY EGO'S TOYS

...in the home begins the disruption of the peace of the world. -- Mother Teresa of Calcutta

I read that this morning and flashed that it is ego-victory thinking that begins the disruption of our peace of mind. I wonder if ego-victory thinking isn't simply resistance to whatever is that the ego fears, resulting in attack thoughts, i.e., ways to pay back, get over on...resentment in a word.

My comforting realization was that I saw my attack thoughts as nothing but my ego's toys...just for playing with, stack 'em up, knock 'em down, rearrange them. The toys of my ego are harmless in and of themselves. Give them no power, as in acting on them or even sharing them with others as fact, and they fade away. The nature of the ego, of course, is to ever be on the alert to protect itself...so attack thoughts do not die, they simply retire to ready themselves to charge again.

The final, and most important, part of my realization was that I know that I will not say or do the ugly that my attack mind conjures up. I know that, first, because I never have either from cowardice or good sense because my attack mind can get downright mean. I know that, second, because I trust God. I trust that God has my back.

Yes, I am capable of ugly, but God is greater than I am. That is why my sole/Soul goal is still more spiritual growth. Without that, I am capable of anything my worst offender is capable of, and, no doubt, more to my ego...if it can't be first, it'll go for worst.

Thank You.

DETACHMENT ALSO KNOWN AS FORGIVENESS

I wonder if detachment isn't simply opening our minds to another way of looking at that which we're resisting?

We obsess about a perceived slight, or snub...or unjust, wrong and/or even harmful actions toward us. We hold the person responsible who did the act...thus personalizing it, letting ourselves be defined by it...if only in our own minds; i.e., Gertie/Herman/Mom/Dad won, I'm a loser.

We cannot let the fact of the act go, yet we cannot detach from it by fighting it...for even when we win that singular battle, we carry the memory within us. That memory is like a chameleon...it changes as it chooses. It will speak to or for us whenever it wants to, usually starting another battle...if not with another, then with/within our own selves.

That memory and the person we're holding responsible, not the long-gone fact, can and will determine our actions, our reactions, our inaction until we kiss it on the lips, in effect, and let it go, knowing full well that we it beat us.

Only then do we learn we are the winner, and we know gratitude.

Thank You.

GETTING TO SELF-ACCEPTANCE

I wrote (in regard to a certain defect of my character) in my "God Calling" on this day in 1984, "I cannot let go, cannot make the decision to let go. God grant...." I read that and remembered that period of time. I walked around feeling utterly and completely discouraged, beaten, hopeless.

Here's me in 2013 with the exact same defect of character singing in my ear. I also read that and marveled...I had a hard time believing I took it...or me...so seriously. Because here I am today walking around feeling utterly and completely happy, joyous and free the majority of the time. And it's been a long time since I felt utterly and completely hopeless...about anything.

I don't feel happy, joyous and free when I think of my defect of character. I just feel like I do when I'm walking Ruckus at 5:30 AM, and he's determined to sniff every blade of grass there is, and it's freezing...pretty much, COME ON, get it done already, and let's go in.

The major difference within me is that I was utterly self-consumed in 1984. Today, I still have self-concern, but I'm just as concerned for others, for what I can do to be a positive help to others and to life in general.

That defect of character will come and go...it has, you might say, been transmuted. It no longer defines me. And the wonder is that it never did define me to others...only to me and only in my resistance to it which gave it life in my mind.

That describes my understanding of the difference between acceptance and resignation. Acceptance is accepting ourselves by acknowledging our littleness (not smallness), and with that as a fact, striving to live to a higher purpose. Resignation is resigning ourselves to this piece of low-life that we are, ever were and ever will be so what's the use, I'll continue doing whatever I want to do anyway...and hating me for it.

Self-acceptance is really acceptance of the Self within us/without us. We really must get out of self to get to self-acceptance.

Thank You.

LET IT BE

[The following is a reprint of my blog of February 24, 2009.]

Is my spiritual growth any of my business? I’m guessing it is, but maybe the depth and the breadth are entirely up to the Father within/without. It may be that my job is to simply make myself available to the Father, My Spirit, and keep on trucking.

I’m wondering this right now because my quiet time this morning has been all over the place…anywhere but here and now and anything but quiet. As in, in my mind, I lectured a group on the spiritual nature of anonymity, got an ex-boss told off (an ex-boss from 23 years ago!), and felt another sermon arising when the words to Let It Be came to me: “When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me…speaking words of wisdom, ‘Let it be, oh, let it be.’” That’s when I realized I was waaay off track…that song has been my bellwether for a long time…it tells me when I’m totally into self, in deep and sinking fast in other words.  

So, I say my “Thank You” and believe that my job is to make myself available to God and trust that life by grace is already mine, not to hold onto (i.e., for my protection), but for me to show forth. 

Grace does not stick to us, it passes through us for another’s benefit…and thus for ours. 

Sometimes I’ll feel it and sometimes I won’t. A good reminder that feelings are not facts…also that just because I don’t feel it, doesn’t mean it is not so.

Thank You.

ON ACCEPTING OUR IMPERFECT SELF

I was done a serious mental, physical and spiritual harm by a relative when I was quite young. For years, I used that as my justification/excuse for any and everything I did or wanted to do. I used it and expected understanding and to be cut a break into the bargain. Plus I felt that I got a free pass to resent the act, the actions, the actor...which I did while freely bad-mouthing all.

I learned a hard lesson...I can choose to be the Victim and, in effect, to brag about it (which turns people away), or I can get over myself and go for still more spiritual growth (which invites people in).

That's when I realized that I needed to forgive Relative and everything else, including myself. I prayed...please give me  understanding, please give me forgiveness, please relieve me of my resentment, please...I was, in effect, trying to make what happened unhappen.

I finally saw that I already have within me all the tools for understanding, forgiving, accepting. Then God, or something like it, whispered in my ear, "Getting free of Relative means I simply free Relative." My less than wonderful feelings toward Relative were transmuted, and I no longer need to bad mouth, make excuses or ponder it. I get to walk free in my own mind today.

The rest of that understanding: I will forget. Then I'm reminded that's what spiritual growth is about...accepting my imperfect self and God's love in the face of that. Else what's God for?

Thank You.

GRACE, GRATITUDE AND THE 23RD PSALM

The 23rd Psalm is so rich...it keeps giving me gifts, my own insights that may or may not be the original intent, but they keep me happy.

Like, "thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me." I think of those as the zap I get when I'm caught or found out in the midst of an ego trip...or my own conscience turning me in. Also, they bring the comfort of knowing I can no longer run a scam or a CYA excuse, or do dirt toward another, and be alright with my own self...thy rod and thy staff will come to bear.

Then there's "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thou are with me." I say "for thou are within me," and I feel quieted.

And, "Thou prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemies." My enemies are my anxieties, my various and sundry fears...I can break bread with any and/or all of them, and none can touch me for thou are within me, without me, here and now. Which doesn't mean I no longer have "my enemies," or how could "thou prepare a table" in their presence? I just no longer run scared before them...I get to speak their names right out loud (call 'em out, actually), and keep on doing what I'm doing.

God loves me so much, and I am grateful.

Thank You.