I am assured and reassured that the kingdom of God is within, and I do believe that...and still I can find my search starting "out there." Every "please," may I," "help" is a denial of the reality of God, of the kingdom of God, of the fact that I Am that I Am. I know that to be true, but I have not proved it yet 100%. Maybe that is what the rest of my life's search for still more spiritual growth is about...proving God within/without.
I today owe X amount of dollars on my condo which causes me no concern, I'd just like to pay it off...now.
I do not buy lottery tickets, but I consciously do not buy them...I have a secret want-to going on whenever I'm in a 7-11 which I have no problem with in general. If someone wants to buy a chance, knock yourself out. I do buy a $2 ticket whenever the payoff is in the hundreds of millions...why not? But my secret ongoing want-to is simply to win enough to pay off my condo...to ensure future security in case the market tanks another time bigger than the other time. And where's my God-has-my-back then?
My desire today is to let go of my secret desire to buy the ticket in the first place...to let go of all desires, in fact. If it is true that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to go to heaven, then I can believe that I would miss my inner realization if I were to win the big bucks lottery. I do believe any inner realization is worth more than any amount of money...it is the pearl beyond price.
From my eyebrows up, I know that all I will ever need is already present, is embodied in God who is within me, without me, which means that all the Father has is already mine.
The reasoning mind kicker is that I can look back on my life and have my proof that that is true. It is, however, that same mind's inability to give over in faith that that will be true tomorrow. I am grateful that I can spend the rest of my life proving it. One day at a time.
Thank You.
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