I read my Easwaran daily reader this morning, and the entire writing is on resentments...how easily they form, the harm they do, and, specifically, how to detach from them.
As an aside, the page had not one mark of mine on it. I didn't check, but I do doubt there is another page in that book that doesn't have an underline, an exclamation point, a question mark...some mark of mine...somewhere on it. And I know that resentments are my number one offender...that which I must let go of before they form.
It is very interesting, enlightening really, to watch a resentment in another grow, fester, become a "serious" offense. I was reminded of my friend Sylvia with Gertrude's unthinking remark to "Pay attention" made to Sylvia. That remark has now grown in Sylvia's retelling to Gertrude shaking her finger under Sylvia's nose and yelling at her. This is after Gertrude, realizing Sylvia had taken offense, called her, apologized, and they talked about it. Every time they are together, Sylvia's voice is harder, she actually seems more opaque...and Gertrude becomes more tentative.
This may be how divorces are born...wars are started...friendships are ended.
I wrote about this in my journal this morning, then I thought again of something I'd said recently that may or may not have offended. No one has said anything to me about it, which has not stopped my mind from deciding who was wrong to take offense and why I was justified in saying what I said. I'd just started a rerun, and the words, "Agree with your adversary quickly" flew through my mind.
Clearly it was my taking the time to write down what I was seeing with Sylvia's resentment that opened my answer to me. I can, without making a big deal of it, acknowledge that I misspoke, allowing anyone who may have taken offense a chance to so say or not...his/her choice. And I can simply acknowledge that I regret it.
God is so good to me.
Thank You.
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