What is powerful, and where the scary hides, is how I can be talking to another person, and her interpretation of what I'm saying may be more accurate than my own. For instance, I was with friends yesterday and asked Joe about the health of my friend John. Joe had no new knowledge about John's tests...end of conversation.
I took no further part in the discussion. I later thought I probably had given Joe the impression that I was so concerned over John's health that I simply withdrew into myself. I felt a tish guilty because I hadn't been pondering his health, I'd just withdrawn.
In my quiet time this morning, the thought occurred that if Joe did indeed interpret my withdrawing as concern over John's health, he may be right. The fact is that, in general, withdrawal is not me...I enjoy participation.
There's every chance that my self-protector (which I thought I'd rooted out and sent packing long ago) is not letting me be too aware of the negative possibilities regarding John's health. But neither delayed hurt nor instant gratification, both cut from the same cloth, are the healthiest way to go.
Back to the "we" of all this. It is only by our out-loud-to-another sharing that we become fully aware of our inner fears, fanciful facts, fantasies. And we don't get to select what we'll share that will open us to that inner awareness. We just get to share and be aware of what comes back...and remember to say "thank you" for whatever comes for there's where God intervenes in our life in our behalf.
Probably why letting our vulnerability show is essential and scary good.
Thank You.
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