A long time ago I was a serial candy stripper. And I didn't even know what a candy stripper was until a friend gently explained it to me.
Since this was a good 30 or 40 years ago, they may not even exist today, but "candy stripper" got its name from volunteers in hospitals who wore little pink and white stripped (candy stripped) aprons and visited patients, passing out magazines, etc., or just chatting with patients to help them feel cared for.
From that, a candy stripper came to be someone who, when you're going through something painful, tries to make you feel better by fudging facts, or who finds excuses for you for mistakes you have made and need to look at, or who tries to turn a situation to your advantage when you're seriously trying to find a truth that you're afraid is going to hurt.
Well! I thought that is what a friend did...that that was a friend's job. I thought that was being "supportive." No, that is candy stripping.
A not uncommon result of candy stripping is it gives the person someone to blame when s/he has to walk through the pain anyhow. From which resentments are born on both sides.
Rule of thumb...if God wouldn't do it that way, it's probably not a good idea.
This is how we learn to be a friend...remembering first that it is not our job to point out to a friend his various and sundry defects, but, when asked, we get to answer truthfully, with love as our guide. And, heavy on the love part...it is way too easy to use truth as a weapon if we're not thinking love.
A friend once said to me that she felt judged by some remark I'd made when, in fact, judging was the furthest thing from my mind. I simply replied that I regretted she felt that way, but that I'm not responsible for how she feels, nor am I responsible for how she chooses to interpret what I have to say. She later thanked me.
In the past, her remark would have had me apologizing endlessly, then later building a huge resentment because "she made me, etc., etc., etc." That's another tier of candy stripping...trying to make someone feel good at our own expense and then building a resentment because she "made us" do it.
It's all about taking responsibility for our own thoughts, words and deeds. It is so much easier when we have made our decision to know and trust that God has our back.
Thank You.
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