I'm in final preparations for my trip back to Ohio, to my hometown, and then on to Kentucky, to my folks' hometown. I'm picking my sister up tomorrow; we'll overnight in West Virginia and go into our home place Thursday, getting in around noon.
I am aware that I am feeling much anxiety about this trip, and I am grateful for that. Am I talking trash? No...it's true. I was in my quiet time this morning, and the still small voice again made me aware that my anxiety truly is God's guide, walking me back to him. I learned this long ago, but every time it's reinforced, I feel blessed all over again.
I have felt intense anxiety at every important juncture of my life...and for years, fought it, prayed it would go away...and used the fact that it didn't disappear as my proof that there is no God. When God became a reality in my life, I finally just accepted me as an anxious person...that anxiety was going to be with me till three days after I'm dead, deal with it.
It was that turn around that gifted me with another layer of self-acceptance. I am an anxious person, and if that's the case, then God is aware of it. I, therefore, had to find my splinter of gold in anxiety that I could understand and be OK with. With that I got to look at anxiety from a new angle.
With the understanding that everything happens by invitation only...everything that happens to me personally happens by my personal invitation...I realized that God uses that which we give him to use. I give him anxiety, he uses that to let me know he is with me, guiding me, walking me through and back to him.
My anxiety is my pearl beyond price. Whatever anxiety I feel will only indicate more clearly God's presence within me/without me.
Thank You.
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