Ah, my innocence on parade. That is a desire I posted sometime in 2016 and believed in it then from my toenails up.
Since then, I have been in the process of becoming aware that I am free in my own head...that it is my own ideas, opinions in fact, that must needs be upgraded.
I once considered "free in my own head" to be perfect peace. Then dementia came into being and, irony on the hoof, scared the bejesus out of me. I had to examine just what "perfect peace" looked like to me, and I found it to be right next door to brain-dead...with me trying to smile through.
When we commit to seeking still more spiritual growth, we learn...slowly slowly slowly...we must divorce ourself from our own opinions, wants, desires.
We find we must cede all egoic wants, prettified ideas, or even horrific ones, about spiritual growth...give over, give up, give in is just a phrase until we are married to it through that spiritual growth. Over which we have no conscious control.
We can't give over to God and hold on to...anything, even (especially?) spiritual ideas.
Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all these things shall be added unto you.
It would be better (for me) if "all these things shall be added unto you" had not been mentioned. That promise just has my ego wallowing in want...with the kingdom of heaven lost in the wallow. Which, if still more spiritual growth is my honest goal, is another "for my benefit."
Thank you.
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