I led a fellowship meeting yesterday on being entirely ready to have God remove all of our defects of character. I looked forward to it, to sharing my experience with my TIA and my resistance to the meds prescribed, and realizing that was all about God removing my self-determined objectives.
That lead went over their heads like a hairnet...as in, I was met with ego deflation in depth. Or, I felt deflated in depth.
I recognize now that the hurting-est part of my feelings during the meeting were all about what the others thought of me, of my lead, of how less-than they were seeing me, of me of me of me.
Almost immediately after the meeting, the healing began with a knowing that this deflation was for my benefit, and I needed to thank my ego for it...show it some love. And I thought no more of it. (There's God's grace on the hoof, seriously.)
This morning I feel myself welcoming the deflation, the less-than feelings, and by welcoming, I mean, I'm grinning and groaning at the same time...like in relief! That's when I had the BFO: Love your enemy as yourself...if my ego is my enemy, love it!
That being true, I get to love (forgive? As Fr Richard says, forgiveness is simply the religious word for letting go)...I get to love my ego in my heart not by words so much but more by laughter. Acceptance lives in laughter, and we cannot laugh without love.
Lessons learned...God lives in ego deflation in depth, too. Welcome it with love and laughter.
Thank you.
No comments:
Post a Comment