I awoke this morning not doubting that fear is God in camouflage, but with an expanded view...it is the me-specifics that rattle us completely...the unease, worry, doubt over self. Nothing turns us to God faster than our anxiety for self.
Experiencing the new levels of both age and spiritual growth...change in a word...feels scary, threatening.
Ah, but here's the new light: All the scary threatenings are God coming from God to us to turn us to God, or to return us to God.
It is our misinterpretation that causes our disturbance...our reliance on our reasoning mind that keeps us bound to our ego, to self-centered thinking.
Our dawning realization is God calling...that we alone were never meant to be our source of security. The human condition is reliance on the reasoning mind, on our own thinking, feeling, doing, being. We nurtured feelings of our own imperial strength...even half willing to believe in a nebulous God, we relied on our own ability to "stand up for myself," to "take my own part," to "find my own way."
It's a hard lesson learning...to trust that the unseen God is on our side, has our back, all the while we are wrestling with the seeming reality of our scary threatening doubts. Resist not. Each doubt is God's invitation to burrow ourself in the safety of His love.
Then, and I love when this happens, I read Fr Richard Rohr's "Daily Meditation," and there's my "proof of purchase":
When people are attuned and awake, reality is often 'unveiled' for them.....that moment when the heart has to find its way not through external conditioning but through a raw immediacy of presence. Only there—in 'the cave of the heart,' as the mystics are fond of calling it, does a person come in contact with his or her own direct knowingness. And only out of this direct knowingness is sovereignty born, one’s own inner authority. -- Reverend Cynthia Bourgeault (from Rohr's January 5, 2021, "Meditation.")
Thank you.
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