Tuesday, December 8, 2020

THROUGH A GLASS DARKLY

I take heart. Today's "God Calling" has a line that comforts me (which I have underlined more than once so clearly I've needed it previously). The line is, Even My disciples only believed, half doubting, half wondering. 

No doubt I'm putting on airs to identify myself with the original disciples, but so be it. I take heart because I do doubt, I do wonder, and there are times I do awake at 3:00 AM, sometimes in tears, over...the only word that comes is "me." I awake in tears over me.  

And, trust me, I am the best...absolute best...that I have ever been or ever had hopes of becoming. 

Still I honestly take heart for I've learned to see ugly and know God's hand is in it. Oh, blinding flash...For now we see through a glass darkly but then face to face.

We know to be leery when I quote the Bible...I don't know it well enough to quote with authority so I usually only use it when it fits my thinking...and I like it. Which I do with through a glass darkly. And it fits.

Back to the comfort of being given permission...by two little old ladies in England in the early 1930s channeling God...to doubt God. There. Don't tell me God's hand isn't in that. Who else, what else, could be so expansive, magnanimous, heart-generous to be doubted and able to assure the doubter she's loved anyway...just exactly as she is, where she is. 

God loves me so much...you, too!

Thank you.

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