I got up feeling unloved, unwanted, unneeded and unappreciated, it's not fair, and I'm justified. So there.
Fortunately, that feeling inevitably brings doubt to my reasoning mind. As in: What if all my spiritual growth is just magic thinking? What if there is no good God covering my back? What if all my angels are my own flights of fantasy? What if Jesus was just a good salesman of pretty words?
That's why I welcome doubts, it is those very doubts that send me scurrying to God. Since the only choice is God or ego, my own experience shouts, "Choose God!"
And as my beloved James says, "My ego is not my amigo."
So I said to God, "All my doubts may be true, but I choose to purely believe otherwise. You're it, Lamb chop. You're my last hope, my only backer so get cracking. You got the power, use it...I need you now!"
Then I read Fr Richard Rohr's "Daily Meditation," and there was my answered prayer:
Jesus announced, lived, and inaugurated a new social order, an alternative to violence, exclusion, and separation. It is no fantastical utopia, but a very real and achievable peace—by the grace of God.
And I knew God loves me, heard me and spoke to me. He especially loves my doubts...I suspect he considers them to be my invitation to him to strut his stuff. And nobody does it better.
Thank you.
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