I got up this morning and was almost immediately hit with a
blinding flash of the obvious: It is my resistance to Lars being Lars that must
be broken, and it cannot be broken by my self-determined objective. It must be
broken by God’s grace when, if and as God chooses.
When I got around to my morning readings, I found each of
them was all about exactly that.
Fr Richard Rohr, Daily Meditations: “What the saints and mystics say is that some
event, struggle, relationship, or suffering in your life has to lead you to the
edge of your own resources. There has to be something that you by yourself
cannot understand, fix, control, change, or even begin to deal with. It is the
raw experience of ‘I cannot do this.’ All you can do at this point is wait and
ask and trust.”
God Calling: “When human support or material help of any
kind is removed, then My power can become operative.”
Eknath Easwaran, Words to Live By: “Violence, war, and insensitivity
to our fellow creatures are external manifestations of the disunity seething in
our consciousness.” [My emphasis added.]
I asked God to break my ego’s hold on my resistance to Lars
being Lars. It cannot happen by my self-determined objective for then I am
still in control. It is I who must be broken. As long as I feel a smidgen of
want to explain, justify, clarify, etc., then ego is sailing my ship.
It is ego (a.k.a. fear) that blocks us. The want to be
right, feel the victim, set another straight, get another’s understanding,
comfort, love…as long as any one of those feelings is operative, that is the
God of our understanding.
It is the complete despair of ever getting any of our perceived needs met that cracks the iron shell of ego-resistance and invites
God through. We may never get that which we were so desperately seeking, and we
will know this which we have been given is beyond reasoning better.
Thank you.
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